Ask roommate if he is on the spectrum ?.

Post Reply New Topic

So recently there is a new person living in the house together with me and others.
Immediately in conversation with him i was having difficulty with eye contact, since i am so used to being the one looking away most of the time. At other times i caught myself smiling due to how little eye contact he makes. I don't have a lot of real life experience with people on the spectrum, and i never put much faith in my aspie radar. The eye contact thing isn't all that makes me suspect its also the way he carries himself and our conversations.

Im not sure wether i should ask if he is on the spectrum or not. It seems nice to know for sure if we both are. And he will know that i don't mind if he acts differently. His traits are more pronounced then mine but there is always the chance of him not having knowledge about autism. So asking it directly might put him in a difficult spot, on the other hand i could be the one to tell about my diagnosis but i dont like dropping the aspergers syndrome word in conversation. Its like gravitiy on earth doubles and everything gets so heavy, people are starting to calculate their next words.
Not sure how i should go about this without putting him in a difficult position, i have thought about asking why he makes eye contact in the way he does.

Also stealthily interrogating him about aspie traits or experiences is not an option. Im sure i will get more and more examples of his aspieness as time goes on so i could just as well wait.

I would recommend not asking him deeply personal questions right away, but becoming friends with him if you want to and if he allows you to get closer.

If you do become closer friends, at that time it would be okay to gently begin talking about your own Aspergers and how it affects you, and with any luck he will come to realize that he is a lot like you, and make the logical connection on his own.

In general, it is wise to save your most personal discussions on sensitive topics for people who you have a close relationship with, unless they themselves decide to bring up the topic with you.

I will do that, good advice thx.

I'm with Molly. He gives very good advice.

I wouldn't ask him unless he brings it up.

From what you posted, the lack of eye contact and other traits are what made you take notice. Are you hoping you and he can become friends? If this is the case, try to become friends with him regardless. Life is not about labels. It's about people.

Or just do the socially inept aspie thing and blurt it out in the most publicly awkward manner possible.

(joking)

Do your other room mates know of your ASD?

@wavefreak: they dont know

@ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo: you become semi-friends with any nice people you live with anyway, just because you live in the same house. I don't specifically want it anymore then i would want to become friends with anyone else, but it will probably just happen.

I wouldn't ask him. It's rude to ask.

Probably best to use the slow careful route. If your roomies don't know, then asking the new guy might force your DX into the open and that would change things. Maybe change them for the better. Maybe for the worse. People are hard to predict and aspies are worse at it than NTs.