Going out

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Hi, I found you guys advice so helpful last time so I thought I'd come straught back here for your help. My group of friends is having trouble getting our friend with autism to come on outings with us. When we do go out for meals she barely eats anything and is very quiet and point blank refuses to come into shops once we have returned to the safety of my car. When she does come out she likes to gave everythin planned. Does anyone know why this is? I'm not sure what we could do that will make her more comfortable or willing to leave her house. Up for any suggestions:)
Edit: shes 17 years old in case that makes a difference!!

It's so wonderful that you're willing to make extra effort for her, I wish I had friends like you growing up! Leaving the house is extremely difficult. Like you said, she likes to know all of the plans ahead of time so she can mentally prepare. I think this is really important. I like to know the plans for going out a couple days ahead of time. I'm not sure why, like you asked, but there's a lot of mental preparation needed for people with autism. And we like routine and structure, and any deviations from it can become very stressful. If you are going to the shops after eating, make sure she knows that when you're making plans. It's stressful to have plans change during the time you're out, even if you are having fun. It might be an idea to go out at times where the shops/restaurants/etc are less busy - you can check this on google maps for any location it will show peak and off peak hours for any given day Once she's back in a safe space, it is hard to again venture out. Maybe doing a kind of "pep talk" on your way to the shops would help. Or have concrete plans like - "I need to go into *specific shop* to get *specific item*, would you mind coming with me?"
I think the more effort you put in and the more practice she has with going out , will help immensely. And something I always ask is for my friends to come over to my house, where I can have a slow introduction to the idea of socializing and going out! From there, it makes it easier to do things.
Best of luck!!

Why do you want her to come with you? It sounds a bit like taking your cat swimming. The basic problem is that there are a lot of things that we have to evaluate with logic instead of social instinct, and logic just isn't fast enough to keep up.

It's a bit like asking why your cat doesn't like fireworks. They are loud, scary and it's terrifying. Going outside is the same xD.

Eating out is often one of the worst things for me, sitting in a very loud place and having to converse with other people, it's hard to enjoy an experience when you feel like you are constantly being bombarded. My best advice is to encourage her to go out with you, but don't push her, it's very hard for some of us to do things you can't see the issue with. If you want to encourage her going out then think about the kind of places you are going, like above said, go to quieter restaurants, let her sit in the car if she needs to, go to somewhere with less people, less noise and generally less stress! Also does she have something she is really into? Like I love castles <3 you can always get me out of the house if you tell me its a castle!

It's worth noting that she will likely never get the joy you do out of the experience, so expecting her to be okay with it is likely asking way too much. She is willing to go out and do this with you, so she must feel reasonably comfortable with you, just respect the fact she most likely won't want to every weekend. That's not a problem with you or your friends, its just what she likes!

Finally do other things that don't include something that puts her out of her comfort zone sit and home and play some games, go to the park etc. I don't know what she likes lol, but there are lots of things to do without going out. Not saying that you shouldn't still go out, you should, but doing something where she is comfortable (if you are not already) will probs be must appreciated. It can be frustrating to realise that sometimes you just can't do things and that you are getting left out because of it.