What my mom said

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So my mom was suggesting that I get my friends to mentor me and tell me what ive done wrong. My response, "no its not their job, are you asking my friends to degrade me?"

I know my mom means well but with peer mentorship often comes a sense of authority on one party and degradation upon the other party. I want my friends to tell me if i did something wrong to them not in general. Part of friendship is accepting one for mostly who they are and not trying to change one to fit a mold. In a way, I interpreted my moms hidden motives, she just wants me to fit in but fitting in often times involves fitting a mold.

You are right, it would put a burden on your friends. It would be one thing to have an understanding with them that they are free to say something if you do something that rubs them wrong or otherwise affects them negatively somehow, but it is not their responsibility to tutor you in social skills nor are they qualified to do so. That is a job for a trained therapist. Them trying to tutor you would ultimately destroy your friendships.

And here is the problem that many people on the spectrum have. Inability to take criticism even if doing so might actually help them. Your friends probably do have some pointers for you that they just haven't bothered to mention because they knew it would upset you.

If you do want to improve yourself socially, you might consider taking your mother's suggestion. If you can learn to first ask yourself "Is that really the case?" when a person says something of you that you interpret to be critical, before deciding whether or not to get upset about it, then I congratulate you because you have just become a little more enlightened and in control of your life.

i have let my friends mentor me in a few cases, mainly household tasks like realising when to buy, eg, new coffee, and it worked wonders for myself as a person, my group acceptance and the peace and quiet in the group, especially 'allowing' them to just say it to my face if there is something about my bothering them.

also, i am now on the other end of the picture (well, at both ends together now) as i started to mentor another person with HFA lately.
i found that he picked up quickly and progressed extremely fast in the beginning, and trying to put coping mechanisms to words helped me get better at them myself.
although said person is reluctant to adopt some of my methods, most of it he found effective (and yes, i am a bit extreme on some cases)

If something is rubbing them the wrong way, Im ok with them tell me. but this is only if this affects them not for other people. What I dont want them is to overstep their boundaries with this. Into literally trying to coach me with this stuff unless I personally ask for it. Ive had these mentor/mentee relationships before and it becomes a problem with power.

What exactly have you supposedly done wrong?

Probably absolutely nothing. My own mom tends to like trying to scare/condescend me into changing into her ideal of what a proper sociable daughter should be, and since I know there is nothing wrong with me, I just ignore it.