the "I'm normal" trap,really need help
I'm a teen and I really do strongly suspect that I have Asperger's, mostly for my stimming and other Asperger's symptoms, and feeling so much familiarity in other people's descriptions of their Asperger's experiences. Anyway, I have plenty of friendly acquaintances, and that's fine, but i'm always missing something...and it's torture. I'll just never be the one people think of when they're making plans, if I make plans with people I always see the hesitance in their accepting my invitations, and I'm never anyone's real "friend" because I know I'm missing something but I never know what, I just can't get there in my relationships. I have small talk down, but beyond that I'm socially useless. I think people think I'm a really boring person (maybe I am? I just see myself as easygoing...not the most social, but not weird, per se). and this summer I keep being thrown into situations where I meet new people (camp, a new show at another school, that sort of thing) and it feels so nice at first, I'm always the new kid that everyone is interested in. But as they get to know me and I become yesterday's news, it becomes clear how little of a connection I've actually developed with the people. At first I'll think it's great and Look! I'm making friends who are interested in me and we're talking and texting and getting to know each other....but then something will happen, something where I end up standing alone in a crowded room and the whole illusion comes crashing down on me. I'm so sick of this happening, everytime it does I feel like I'm dying and I can hardly take it, but I can't even bring it up to my family to go to a doctor because I'm afraid I don't actually have this and I'm just living wrong in which case I'm screwed and my family will never let me live down the time I thought I was autistic.
I went to my school psychologist who talked to me for one session but said she didn't think I had it because I seemed too warm and friendly.
But. I don't even understand how I couldn't have Asperger's, every post or article I read that describes someone's experiences straight up makes me cries because they hit so close to home for me, it's as if someone is narrating my life.
What do I do?
Same thing happened to me. School psychologist said it was probably just OCD + ADHD + Social Phobia / Schizoid.
Or if I had been autistic earlier, I had cured myself.
I just decided to ignore him, school psychologists do not really know what they are talking about. At all. =)
You should talk to a Asperger / Austism specialist. Get a second opinion.
But either way, whether you have Aspergers or not, it does not matter much. You can still work on changing whatever you dislike about yourself, and your relationships with others. And also read a few good books about coping with Aspergers, it can't hurt. =)
_________________
The stars look very different today.
I have been diagnosed and have had a few counsellor/therapists and someone at work dispute that I had it. They said things like I wasn't like the people they had met with Aspergers. A psychologist with a reasonable experience of it wasn't sure. It took a specialist Aspergers centre and they were confident with the diagnosis.
If you want to pursue it don't be put off, they probably have very limited experience.
I can't tell if you are male or female but females are harder to diagnose.
Either way you may have lots of coping mechanisms that disguise it.
Either way you may have lots of coping mechanisms that disguise it.
I don't want to disguise it, though. I want to understand it. I've tried working on my skills and relationships but I've been unsucessful and can't get there in my relationships no matter how hard i try. This is really destroying me as a person, diagnosis would give me a sort of closure and make it easier for me to understand at least why I am the way I am.
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