"The Eyes have it"?

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I'm relatively new to this whole autism and asperger thing, so I have a question for all of you;

What is it about eye contact that makes it uncomfortable? (or, if you have no problem with eye contact, I'd like to know that too)

I, personally, find eye contact to be extremely intimate. When I look into someone's eyes, I feel like I'm looking into their head and I'm letting them look into mine. I can do it, but I feel like I'm exposing myself and taking liberties with them. I'm sure that they can see the panic and discomfort in my eyes as I look at them. Even though I know that eye contact is welcome and expected by the other person, it's still extremely difficult for me to not only allow it, but encourage it and act like it's perfectly normal. (For the NTs out there, imagine entering into a culture where grabbing each other's crotch is the normal form of greeting. Even if you know that it's welcome and expected, I'm sure that the exchange would feel very similar to how I feel about eye contact)

I'm curious if this is why others avoid eye contact or if it's completely different for you.

On the flip side, I'm fascinated by eyes in photographs, paintings, drawings, TV, movies, etc. I find myself very attracted to women with nice eyes more than any other physical trait. (though the whole package is nice, the eyes and voice are what get me). Though it's cliched, I'll get lost in someone's eyes pretty easily (though only in a one-way medium like a picture or video or once I have a level of intimacy with that person [like my wife or prior GFs]). I also find myself doodling eyes a lot.

It's a combination of a few things. The most similar to what you said is that eye contact is highly connected to trust to me. Intimacy requires deep trust, and it is incredibly intimate, though it seems specifically related to the trust aspect. Looking into someone's eyes is not only intimate, but is even giving them power over me. I need to know that they won't abuse that power.

At the same times, that's not all of it - because even pictures of eyes can creep me out. My boyfriend's been making fun of me (playfully) because every time the face comes up in the 5th doctor Doctor Who's opening, I turn away and mention that the eyes are creepy. In tests where I have to read eyes or faces I can look at the eyes, but I can't for long, and they will bother me still then (not that looking at the eyes means much, I still can't read the emotions in and around the eyes - at least not beyond positive and negative which I can sometimes get).


I don't know what in particular makes it more negative than lack of trust, but I know default comfort is strongly negative, increasing trust increases comfort to the point where it can get up to neutral, and love, whether platonic or romantic, can push it above neutral and into positive.

Eyes don't seem all that special to me. I make eye contact mainly because it seems like the natural place to look when talking to someone, but I don't pay much attention to what their eyes are doing.

Actually I find the most informative part of someone's body for me is their shoulders. When I'm walking behind someone and a bit to the side, I can tell a lot better how they're feeling. Ironically when I remember various events in my life, I always seem to see myself from precisely that vantage point.

I'm actually not afraid of eye contact. I find it so natural that I don't realise I do it, which is probably what NTs feel too. But I seem to find it easier looking at someone with brown eyes than I do with blue eyes. Don't ask why.

it just hurts, that's all there is to it.
if someone looks me in the eyes, it burns the inside of the back of my head; sometimes it even burns my soul.
i dont know why, or what exactly, but this is the best explanation i can give

First of all welcome Xyzzy!
Well I should say that I too am still very much learning about AS.

Yes I too feel that eye contact is very intimate and whilst I do it I find it somewhat difficult, I think it also depends on the other person though. However you used the word "head", I would say I feel as if they are staring into my soul, maybe that sounds dramatic but that's how it feels to me. I find I can only look someone in the eye for a short while aswell before I have to look away and can then look back. I am unsure whether I feel the need to look them in the eye instinctively or whether I have learnt to do this as it is expected.



Yes I think I can understand this aswell in a "one way "sense like you say, however unlike you I have never known anyone who I am comfortable enough with face to face, so to speak, to be able to look them comfortably in the eye for any length of time. How people do that is at the moment a mystery to me.

If I knew why it was uncomfortable, I would fix the problem.

I find it to intense, like looking at the sun.

I have a lot of difficulty with eye contact. I always have. I don't even make eye contact with my parents! And the more comfortable I am with someone, the less I actually look at them only because I don't have to pretend to be normal (ie. at a job interview, I might look at the mouth or the forehead. I don't do that at all with most people).

I don't really know why I have so much trouble with eye contact. I think it is because I have so much difficulty reading peoples' emotions that making eye contact just makes things even more confusing for me because it is one other thing that I cannot read.

I've tried looking in the eye when I was on anti-anxiety medication. I noticed its not the eyes I look into but then I take in the whole picture and am comfortable looking at that person and yet listening to what they have to say. Off of anti-anxiety medicine I feel too anxious to look at a person and so I have to concentrate on background or something else to keep listening to what they have to say. If I look in the eye I 'm usually lost in taking the details of the eye than listening to the person.

As a kid, I never had any problems making eye contact. But once I was in the fourth grade or so, people would make fun of me for staring at them. I couldn't figure out why; it made no sense to me. A few years later I was being made fun of that and my overall weird facial expressions.

I got fed up with it, and stopped looking at people. If they don't see my face, then everything should be good, right? No, of course not. I was chastised for that too.

So I started looking people in the face again. Now, I understand what it's like for most aspies. It's very difficult to do, almost as if I'm looking directly into the sun. Sometimes it's worse than others though. Generally speaking, the farther the person is away from me, the easier it is. I just hate it, because when I look at the eyes, it feels awkward, but if I don't, that feels awkward too.

I don't like eyes because one of the following usually happens:

1. I see judgement over what I am saying.
2. I see vacant "oh yeah I really care" (sarcasm) in them.
3. I see the whites of the eyes, and can't/don't/incapable of noting any other body language or attributes of the person, the eye becomes the only thing in existance and it just feels wrong.

Sometimes all three.
Sometimes none. But especially when I am trying to get across an idea which I believe firmly in. And of course, I start losing track of myself and the explination and logic as the eyes become bigger and bigger and bigg... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I don't feel anything per se but I have a hard time looking people in the eye for long periods of time because there's so much else in the room I want to see. People's eyes are boring to me to look at. Therefore I look elsewhere.

I don't know why, dark brown eyes feel trustworthy to me almost unconditionally. Non of my experience supports this distinction, though.


Same here, although I would look in the eyes for a couple of moments now and then. It's interesting that I can sustain eye-contact pretty well at first when I meet someone, e.g. on a rendezvous, but as the relationship gets more intimate, I forget about it more and more. I was told that I must be lying because I don't look in her eyes.


Or can not read properly and interpret them real time, plus listen to what they're saying.


It probably has to do with limited resources for taking in information. In other words, focusing only on one thing at a time.

I find eye contact with people I don't know - and sometimes people I DO know - because I, like you, find it to be a kind of window into my soul type of thing. if people look at me, I think they can see what I am thinking if I look at them for too long or at all. plus it just usually feels really unnatural. I have had a therapist for going on six years and I still sometimes shift my gaze when talking to him, though not a lot. I seen him today and my gaze was shifty. I am also a gaze shifter when I am talking about anythi ng personal.

I have A.S. and I think that why we don't look at people in the eyes (me especially) is because we can't read body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice. Unlike most people that are able to do that stuff automatically, we have to be taught that stuff. It just doesn't come naturally.