Shall I tell my father that he has AS?

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Dear listeners,

I am not sure, if it would do good if i told my father that he and also his father has AS, as I do. He once told me that he wondered what this thing is, why he often focus on single thing completely and may get mad about it, and that he wanted to know that.

On the other side, he is a very nice and emotionally sensitive person. He sometimes doesn't understand why he is so sensitive compared to others, he once watched a movie and told me, that maybe he watched too many of those romantic movies in his childhood, maybe thats the reason he is like that. He lives in a small village and doesn't know and probably doesn't want to know much about psychology.

He got so far also alot of frustrations, my sister doesn't want to talk with him anymore, actually I don't know why, but she insults him, she is abit strange, maybe she is bipolar. He is sad, because he was most of the time very proud of his children and they were important to him. So therefore it might not be a good idea to tell him also, that he has also some "pathological disorder".

Additionally, he would maybe understand then some things in his life better, i am sure about that. He once said that he realized too late that another woman liked him too, for example. My grandfather is a farmer, he is very AS-like too. He likes to work alot (he is 84), he wears since 20 years the same clothes and they are very dirty.

Furthermore, I am not sure if i would like this, I am not sure if i would want that my father changes. He is the one constant in my life. He was always very kind, maybe he would see the world differently. He lives in a small village, they are somehow faithfull, however not extreme. I once wanted him to read some philosophy stuff, but he says he is too old for this (he is now 56).

I am not sure, if i shall tell him about it! And if, when there is a good moment for it, and if so, how to explain it. Any advice here?

thanks,
anton

Do you think he still wonders?

I have told my father about my own AS/HFA, but I have no reason to believe he would even be able to consider the same in relation to himself ... and he certainly is not asking any questions.

hi leejosepho,

i think he does! I could give him an (rough) answer to this single question, but on the other side, it might open up a lot of other questions.... to which i have no answers...

greets,
anton

I would, but I'd not say it as "You have AS". I'd say it as "You were wondering about these traits, and for me they're associated with AS, it looks like that might be you too. Here's a book if you want to read more"

Only a medical or mental-health professional can make a valid diagnosis. Your suggestion seems to be the best alternative.

Are you a Doctor? If not, leave the diagnosing up to them. IMHO

I agree with MsMarginalized. You cannot tell him he has AS (nor your grandfather) since you are not a diagnostician. You can tell him you feel he might POSSIBLY have AS traits if you feel you have a good enough relationship for that.

I tried telling my father that he was depressed, like I was. He told me he felt happy most of the time, and I told him I did too, but everything felt like a huge chore and I wasn't particularly motivated to do even the things I found interesting. Then his doctor put him on Zyban to help him stop smoking (Zyban is also an antidepressant) and it had no effect on his general energy levels or enthusiasm to do anything (although he did drop down to a single pack a day from two packs). In the meantime I watched his energy levels drop, which I thought was increased depression because he was diabetic and his kidneys were becoming more damaged.

Then my aunt pointed out that he was taking a particularly nasty statin (cholesterol drug) that wasted muscle tissue. That explained the lack of energy AND the kidney damage. You may want to mention the possibility of AS to your father's doctor, but be careful about making diagnoses about someone's cognitive functions until you have all the facts. A positive diagnosis of depression would have masked a serious symptom in my dad's case. Once he stopped taking the statin, his energy levels increased, (but it was a bit too late to reverse the kidney damage, which eventually required dialysis.)

Agreed!

According to your profile, you're self-diagnosed. I'd focus on yourself first.

hi there,

thanks for your kind replies. Actually my point was not to find out how sure it is that he fits the AS diagnosis or not. I am pretty sure that I got it, I know you can't be 100% sure, but I had serious troubles in my social life, and AS pointed me out to my blind spot, and I know my father and my grandfather pretty well, so I think an AS book would probably in some way help them with coping.

But my point was here not about this, but about my feelings in telling him and how he might react and how he might change, and if it is a good idea to tell him due to this (besides not knowing 100% if he really fits the clinical criterias).

thanks,
anton