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zeldapsychology
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17 Aug 2011, 10:29 am

The other day I thought we were going to the movies then my older sister texted to get ready for the beach. This through me out of wack and confused me and I went into a crying meltdown. Yesterday I fealt rushed getting the girls (little sisters) ready to leave so I rushed around getting them ready. Today so I wouldn't feel confused I listed what they needed for there water park trip. tickets (check) money (check) etc. Erica (my older sister) said I wasn't a director and everything is fine. I didn't want to stress over getting them ready and for them to forget something so I made a list to check off. Does anyone plan things like this so they don't get stressed or sent into a meltdown? Any tips on dealing with this issue?



johnsmcjohn
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17 Aug 2011, 10:37 am

I always have things planned in advance as well. If someone springs something on me it ruins my day. I have found the best way to deal with it is to plan for people doing that so when it happens, you're ready. For example, have everything you need to go to the beach ready somewhere so when you get that text again, you can get it quickly and be good to go.



orchidee
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17 Aug 2011, 12:04 pm

I love planning things. I love knowing in advance what I'm going to do, who I'm going to be with, etc.

My boyfriend (who has AS; I do not) hates planning things. He rarely plans dates with me because he doesn't know if he'll "feel like it" when the time rolls around. I love punctuality and knowing what time a certain thing will happen, but he doesn't care and rarely tells me when he'll be coming over, when he'll be free, etc. I try to be flexible but sometimes it's hard to adapt to this, when I love order so much.



TheygoMew
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17 Aug 2011, 12:09 pm

Yes. Especially if unexpected environment.



dopplercb
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17 Aug 2011, 4:50 pm

planning is my friend



keira
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17 Aug 2011, 5:22 pm

Yes, I plan things. I usually have a plan and a back up plan.
I hate it when things don't go as planned and they never do. :?



Lightning88
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17 Aug 2011, 7:48 pm

Sometimes I plan ahead, but I'm pretty spontanious with things about half the time. It mixes things up and makes them more fun. But I'm one that can't stand routine in the least, so that's probably part of it.



FireMinstrel
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17 Aug 2011, 8:30 pm

I go with a general plan. I only freak out if I feel my plans are being hijacked and I'm not in control of my situation. Such situations usually happen when I'm with my parents on vacation. I have to rely on them for everything when I'm on vacation. They do the driving, and I'm subject to their whims. I have since refused to go on vacation with them.
However, today I made plans with a friend to go walking on the local bike path. However, he wound up bringing his friend along, and we spent little time walking on the bike path and more time at the shopping center nearby. This was fine with me since:
1. My friend's friend and I totally hit it off.
2. It was a hot day, and the stores have air conditioning.

Years ago, I might have not dealt with this so well.
However, when my parents would say we were going to visit my cousins, and then decide to spend the rest of the day with my senile grandparents, you have no idea how close I would come to a meltdown. Actually, being dragged places by my parents drives me insane, because they just plan as they go, and when I don't know what I'm doing and I can't leave, that is what pushes me over the edge. :(


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SammichEater
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17 Aug 2011, 8:46 pm

I don't have to, but I prefer to. I like having some sense of control over the situation.


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YellowBanana
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17 Aug 2011, 10:21 pm

I'm a definite planner - I either need to make the plan myself, or be informed of "the plan" (made by someone else) ahead of time. I don't always need tiny detail planning, but I need to know what my day is going to involve, in what order and at what time.

I can be quite flexible at times but that has to be in the plan .... e.g. if I'm travelling somewhere I know that the flight might be delayed and that therefore things at the other end might have to change.

I am quite happy with needing plans, and don't see it as a problem that needs solving.

I only have a problem with it when someone or something causes the plan to change.

What will happen then is anyone's guess: major crying meltdown, loss of speech, inability to move (shutdown) to behaving absolutely "normally" and going along with the change but having a major delayed reaction at some future point (usually worse than one that happens at the time).

It's usually so unsettling for the person that changed the plan that they never do it again :)

Oh, the other thing is that I sometimes forget to share my plans with people. Like I had a plan to go to a hardware store with my husband which he knew about, but I forgot to share which hardware store. When he drove to a different store than the one I had in mind .... well, the result was ugly!

So I have to remember to share the full plan with people.


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cozysweater
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17 Aug 2011, 10:54 pm

orchidee wrote:
I love planning things. I love knowing in advance what I'm going to do, who I'm going to be with, etc.

My boyfriend (who has AS; I do not) hates planning things. He rarely plans dates with me because he doesn't know if he'll "feel like it" when the time rolls around. I love punctuality and knowing what time a certain thing will happen, but he doesn't care and rarely tells me when he'll be coming over, when he'll be free, etc. I try to be flexible but sometimes it's hard to adapt to this, when I love order so much.


You're way more patient and understanding than I am. That coming and going whenever he pleases business would drive me nuts. But then I love a good plan.



Koan
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17 Aug 2011, 11:41 pm

I don't enjoy planning things but I do when it's necessary. More than planning, I have to prepare myself psychologically for anything other than being in a bubble.



nikki15
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18 Aug 2011, 12:12 am

keira wrote:
Yes, I plan things. I usually have a plan and a back up plan.
I hate it when things don't go as planned and they never do. :?





Me too.



OJani
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18 Aug 2011, 7:24 am

orchidee wrote:
I love planning things. I love knowing in advance what I'm going to do, who I'm going to be with, etc.

My boyfriend (who has AS; I do not) hates planning things. He rarely plans dates with me because he doesn't know if he'll "feel like it" when the time rolls around. I love punctuality and knowing what time a certain thing will happen, but he doesn't care and rarely tells me when he'll be coming over, when he'll be free, etc. I try to be flexible but sometimes it's hard to adapt to this, when I love order so much.

I experience this very problem (except I'm the one who probably has AS). I really don't know how much I should take of the anxiety caused by such perception of dating or being in a relationship. My two-month promising relationship went down at least partly for this reason.

Usually I have a backup plan too. Obviously I need it very often. :)



Callista
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18 Aug 2011, 12:09 pm

I have that problem, yes.

My solution is to plan for multiple eventualities. So, for example, when going to an appointment, I'll plan what I'll say and what I'll do, but I'll also think about what I will do if I find out I'm not going to have the appointment after all, or if I'm late, or if a different person is meeting with me, or if I've made a mistake and I'm there at the wrong time. The best way is to keep the alternatives a little vague: So, rather than plan for, "If I'm five minutes late and the professor has left his assistant to take calls," I might plan for, "If I'm late" and "If I'm not meeting with the person I thought I'd be meeting with."

Even then, things fall through the cracks; you can't plan for everything. So, it helps to have a general unexpected-event protocol, which is usually something like, "Disengage from the previous plan; analyze the new situation; form a new plan." It's the first step that's always the hardest. You always have to keep in mind that what you thought would happen is usually different from what actually does happen.


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