dreamy wrote:
It seems like often when I express an opinion/view/want/etc, then my brain is immediately trying to change me over to the opposite side.
I call it "opposition to self", this is what happens to my brain. Making decisions is a nightmare, but I'm no good at doing what someone else wants, either. I can see pitfalls or downsides to every choice, then nothing seems "okay enough". Am defensive about my choices & leaving myself open to criticism from others, so I'm constantly double-checking. Applies to actions & to words-can never be sure of anything. Nothing ever seems simple. See, right there-I'm already thinking of exceptions to rule in my previous statement, about nothing ever seeming simple !
krex wrote:
I dont see things as 'either Black or White...I see them as "Both Black and white"...depending on when you ask me.....Its nice if you can have someone else make the decisions and suggestions and then just disagree with them until they hit on one they doesnt strike you as repulsive(I have to do this when deciding on a movie to rent or take out food)Drives my boyfriend batty.
Same here, I've repeatedly said to my counselors that it's not this or that but both. Realize things are usually in the middle "grey zone", yet they FEEL both black & white-doesn't seem to even out, things don't FEEL average or balanced. For instance, in a given situation, I'll feel like I'm being too harsh & aggressive yet also feel like I'm being too meek & submissive. Guess I'm actually being somewhere "in-between" those extremes, but that's not how I seem to myself.
My boyfriend gets discouraged because I'm always refusing his suggestions. He knows it's not personal, and that my mind causes me misery. My therapists get frustrated, but they're sympathetic to my predicament. Sometimes I can come up w/long list of possibilities, yet can't narrow them down in order to do anything. Other times, I need people to generate options for me, because eventually I find something I can stand.
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*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*