Does this reverse psychology thing happen to you?

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dreamy
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06 Sep 2006, 11:07 pm

It seems like often when I express an opinion/view/want/etc, then my brain
is immediately trying to change me over to the opposite side. Sometimes it
makes me nuts. I think I'm afraid to state the opinions sometimes because
I know what will happen. e.g. I finally decide that I am definitely going to
stay home during the holidays. Then before I know it I'm having all kinds of
desire not to. Or if I decide I am comfortable being someone's friend. Then
I think I start having all kinds of things pop up showing me why I shouldn't
trust them too much.



krex
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07 Sep 2006, 1:09 am

Yes, this happens to me when I think I have made a decission....sometimes I just make the plunge of doing the "thing" just so I can stop going back and forth in my head....very frustrating...I also tend to do this to others"playing devils advocate" seems to come very natural to me...I always thought it was because my mom use to do this to me(and drove me crazy)now I get to drive myself and everyone else crazy.Its weird because my counselers would always tell me that I was a "black and white thinker"
and I always thought...no I dont see things as 'either Black or White...I see them as "Both Black and white"...depending on when you ask me.....Its nice if you can have someone else make the decissions and suggestions and then just disagree with them until they hit on one they doesnt strike you as repulsive(I have to do this when deciding on a movie to rent or take out food)Drives my boyfriend batty.


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wobbegong
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07 Sep 2006, 8:45 am

I never called that "reverse psychology". I call it "self doubt". And yes I get it a lot, especially on the really big decisions about spending lots of money.

I'll buy this computer. Oh damn - I forgot to check these settings, maybe I bought the wrong one.

Also applies to holiday spends, buying a car or a house etc etc.

And for some things, I want to do it but I don't want to do it, at the same time. And I always feel good when I've actually done it but sometimes feel incredible resistance before I've done the whatever. Happens for about most everything except staying in bed all day. That seems fairly easy (not counting when I need to take a leak or get hungry).

And I call stuck doing what I'm doing (like couch potato) and not being able to get up and do something else (like go to bed) - an "attack of the inertias". I've got too much inertia and I'm having trouble overcoming it. (and no, I'm not overweight - it's a mental thing).



Musical_Lottie
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07 Sep 2006, 10:15 am

Yep. All the time.


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animallover
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07 Sep 2006, 11:10 am

That sounds like what Donna Williams describes with exposure anxiety . . .
I have a problem with saying the opposite word - like the other day I had to tell a supervisor to count some extra time I'd worked in a particular way and I wanted to say 'I just didn't want to forget to tell you . . .' and I said 'I didn't want to remember to tell you . . .' - that happens to me so much that I censor myself and have this extra step I go through when talking to get the right word - the opposite of what I think of . . .
When I'm around people who know me I'll do things like say outloud 'Ok - I'm thinking of left, so it must be right - yeah, turn right on my street to get to my house . . .'



Fraya
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07 Sep 2006, 11:25 am

Thats strange I do that as well.. though not usually with normal words but always with directions.. if I say east I mean west if north then south if left then right, etc.

My husband knows by now when im giving directions to wait for the "oops I mean.." that usually follows my initial statement or if I dont correct myself because I got distracted then ask again to make sure.


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krex
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07 Sep 2006, 8:17 pm

Animallover....wow,this has been happening more and more to me,latly.I have always done it but it seems to be getting worse(stress?)I think of it as another form of Dyslexia...I wonder if their is a connection in nueral processing?One weird example is "garbage" and "dirty laundry" and washing machine and dishwasher(I work as a "house mom" for DD clients)I have been embarrassed by this several times around other staff.I am learning to pause before I say anything related to these things.


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KenM
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07 Sep 2006, 8:27 pm

Nope, never. I know i'm right when I express my thoughts. I have a strong mind and I get offened when people try to change me.



violet_yoshi
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07 Sep 2006, 9:40 pm

It could be part self doubt, and part overthinking.


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07 Sep 2006, 10:24 pm

animallover wrote:
That sounds like what Donna Williams describes with exposure anxiety . . .
I have a problem with saying the opposite word - like the other day I had to tell a supervisor to count some extra time I'd worked in a particular way and I wanted to say 'I just didn't want to forget to tell you . . .' and I said 'I didn't want to remember to tell you . . .' - that happens to me so much that I censor myself and have this extra step I go through when talking to get the right word - the opposite of what I think of . . .
When I'm around people who know me I'll do things like say outloud 'Ok - I'm thinking of left, so it must be right - yeah, turn right on my street to get to my house . . .'


I do this all the time, and constantly correct myself for it. I don't thinks it's stress related as much as fatigue with me. I seem to reach a point when I'm really tired (of course stress causes me fatigue) where I can't be coherent any longer.

On topic: My every action is tendered through a maze of self doubt.


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08 Sep 2006, 7:45 am

dreamy wrote:
It seems like often when I express an opinion/view/want/etc, then my brain is immediately trying to change me over to the opposite side.

I call it "opposition to self", this is what happens to my brain. Making decisions is a nightmare, but I'm no good at doing what someone else wants, either. I can see pitfalls or downsides to every choice, then nothing seems "okay enough". Am defensive about my choices & leaving myself open to criticism from others, so I'm constantly double-checking. Applies to actions & to words-can never be sure of anything. Nothing ever seems simple. See, right there-I'm already thinking of exceptions to rule in my previous statement, about nothing ever seeming simple !
krex wrote:
I dont see things as 'either Black or White...I see them as "Both Black and white"...depending on when you ask me.....Its nice if you can have someone else make the decisions and suggestions and then just disagree with them until they hit on one they doesnt strike you as repulsive(I have to do this when deciding on a movie to rent or take out food)Drives my boyfriend batty.

Same here, I've repeatedly said to my counselors that it's not this or that but both. Realize things are usually in the middle "grey zone", yet they FEEL both black & white-doesn't seem to even out, things don't FEEL average or balanced. For instance, in a given situation, I'll feel like I'm being too harsh & aggressive yet also feel like I'm being too meek & submissive. Guess I'm actually being somewhere "in-between" those extremes, but that's not how I seem to myself.
My boyfriend gets discouraged because I'm always refusing his suggestions. He knows it's not personal, and that my mind causes me misery. My therapists get frustrated, but they're sympathetic to my predicament. Sometimes I can come up w/long list of possibilities, yet can't narrow them down in order to do anything. Other times, I need people to generate options for me, because eventually I find something I can stand.


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08 Sep 2006, 7:48 am

animallover wrote:
That sounds like what Donna Williams describes with exposure anxiety . . .


I understood something very different about exposure anxiety. I understood that it was not being able to do something because "they" are expecting you to.



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08 Sep 2006, 8:57 pm

What I understood from her book on Exposure Anxiety there are two parts - at the beginning there is what other people expect you to do and then it becomes internalized as what you should do - so your real self is trapped . . .
I know I was telling her (she is very nice and always answers emails) about how I feel like I have exposure anxiety and how I started getting very stressed and irritable when I first started doing my own artwork the way I wanted and not worrying about what other people thought about it (to the point that I couldn't sleep and nearly got fired from my job) but having read her book I said 'oh - this is exposure anxiety . . .' and she said that is exactly what it sounded like - so there is some interalized part to it - I live alone so there aren't many 'theys' in my life anymore :lol:



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08 Sep 2006, 8:59 pm

Oh, sorry, I didn't remember that second part.