Can an NT please explain this to me? I don't get it

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johnsmcjohn
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24 Aug 2011, 7:21 am

I was buying an age controlled beverage tonight when I got carded. No big deal, but when the person took it she said the computer says I'm not old enough. Then she started laughing hysterically. And I just stared at her. I was just thinking "why is it funny that she entered my DOB wrong in the system?" Then she told me it was a joke and I just stared again. I can't understand why it's funny that she made a mistake and then started laughing at me. What am I missing?


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24 Aug 2011, 7:36 am

Not sure she was laughing at you. Sounds more like she was laughing at herself. I wasn't there, but it seems that either this person doesn't know how a joke works, or she genuinely made a mistake, noticed it, got embarrassed, and was trying to save face by pretending it was a joke.


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MommyJones
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24 Aug 2011, 7:42 am

She may have been embarassed that she made that mistake, and then turned it into a joke about herself making that mistake. I don't think she was laughing at you specifically, she may just be trying to save a little face so she doesn't look like an idiot by acting as though it was intentional. It's one of those things we do that drive people with AS crazy.

Staring and not saying anything can be very intimidating. I do that to people sometimes, and I've been told they feel uncomfortable because they don't know what I'm thinking. It's probably because they aren't getting any body language either. NT's have ToM but they can't "read" minds. We guess a lot, and come to conclusions often that are way off the mark. It's unfortunate for us that NT's don't always say what is on our minds, it would eliminate a lot of missunderstandings and conflict.

The fact that people with autism are honest and straight up is refreshing to me. Sometimes brutal honesty isn't easy, but no matter how upset I would get at someone, I never lose the appreciation for that honesty.



safffron
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24 Aug 2011, 7:57 am

I understand what she did, but I don't understand why it would bring on hysterical laughter.



cyberdad
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24 Aug 2011, 8:04 am

safffron wrote:
I understand what she did, but I don't understand why it would bring on hysterical laughter.


Probably nerves. Most NTs put on a social front and many are careful to avoid slip ups. When it happens (like with this girl) the embarrassment may release a sudden rush of endorphins to cover up the stress of the mistake. Hence the hysterical laughter.



wanderinggrl
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24 Aug 2011, 8:28 am

She was probably just trying to get a reaction from you. Like when someone tells you something and then follows it with "I was just kidding" or something similar. They find the persons reaction amusing and some NTs would probably overreact when told they could not buy the age controlled beverage they wanted so even more fun for the waitress. Thats just my guess.



johnsmcjohn
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24 Aug 2011, 8:42 am

wanderinggrl wrote:
She was probably just trying to get a reaction from you. Like when someone tells you something and then follows it with "I was just kidding" or something similar. They find the persons reaction amusing and some NTs would probably overreact when told they could not buy the age controlled beverage they wanted so even more fun for the waitress. Thats just my guess.


So when I didn't react(primarily because my mind was still buffering to try and discover why it was funny) is that why she told me it was a joke?


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Sparhawke
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24 Aug 2011, 8:52 am

Pretty much.

I have witnessed the same thing on many occasions when an NT will say something monumentally stupid and then make out they were trying to make a joke to cover up the fact that their limited intelligence decided to get up and take a stroll for a few minutes and go get a cigarette.

She was probably hoping for a reaction from you and when you didn't give it as any good NT drone would she got embarrassed, hence the appeasement giggles.



wanderinggrl
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24 Aug 2011, 8:54 am

johnsmcjohn wrote:
So when I didn't react(primarily because my mind was still buffering to try and discover why it was funny) is that why she told me it was a joke?


Yeah thats what I'm thinking, based on my experience of not reacting and being told it was a joke. I'm usually, like you said, still trying to figure out what they said while everyone else has already laughed at the joke and moved on to something else.



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24 Aug 2011, 9:29 am

johnsmcjohn wrote:
I was buying an age controlled beverage tonight when I got carded. No big deal, but when the person took it she said the computer says I'm not old enough. Then she started laughing hysterically. And I just stared at her. I was just thinking "why is it funny that she entered my DOB wrong in the system?" Then she told me it was a joke and I just stared again. I can't understand why it's funny that she made a mistake and then started laughing at me. What am I missing?


What you are missing is what the screen said when she entered your DOB wrong. Presumably you couldn't see it. (You aren't supposed to be able to see it.) She may have entered your DOB so incredibly wrong that it said you were an infant or a toddler or something and she found that funny. Possibly (but less likely) there was also a mildly snarky error message warning her not to serve alcohol to infants or something like that.



orchidee
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24 Aug 2011, 11:12 am

Do you know for sure that she actually entered it wrong? To me, it doesn't sound like she entered it wrong. It sounds like saying 'You're not old enough!' was the joke to her.

My guess is that she was really, really bored at work and trying to do little things to make it more interesting for her, but I also like Janissy's idea that whatever was on the screen made her laugh, which is also totally possible.



ValentineWiggin
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24 Aug 2011, 11:51 am

I often have this happen to me-
not where I understand the premise of the joke, and don't personally find it funny,
but where I'm completely unaware something is a joke.

Maybe she was making a lame attempt to flirt with you. :)


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Anika
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24 Aug 2011, 11:57 am

Sounds like she's tapping into the bottles herself.

The computer probably said that you were a ridiculous age (105 or something) and she didn't see it at first, but looking at it now it seemed pretty funny.

That kind of stuff makes us laugh. You weren't supposed to get it, it wasn't a joke, she's just a laughy person.

I don't understand those too well either. :P



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24 Aug 2011, 12:03 pm

I think one might not only have to be an NT but have to have _been_ there. For example, how do you look? Do you have gray hair, wrinkles, bifocals or in some other way _obviously_ look old enough? Then there's a thing with older women that still is around in young people's grandmothers that might make that _particular_ young person conscious of it, that they don't want to tell their age, or in any way have their age referred to, that has gotten into the culture in general, as "NEVER refer to a woman's age (especially an older woman)": she might be reacting to her grandmother, not to you.

I had an incident a few years ago while working in a church office, that made me realize that some people really do take that (not letting anyone know their age) seriously, and I'd always figured that it was just a commonly accepted humorous thing. What with driver's licenses, and being old enough to drive, and having to show the nice policeman who thought you were driving weird your license, etc, I think that has gotten a lot less since the mid-twentieth century (which is where I come from :P ), but it's still around a little bit. I'm assuming you're a male (johns), but you never know what somebody's thinking, for sure, or where they're coming from.

Or a middle-aged person might be (honestly) flattered at being thought not old enough to drink.



Ellytoad
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24 Aug 2011, 12:09 pm

My stepdad does that to me all the time. He tries to make a joke, and when I give a dry answer that makes it clear that I don't appreciate being joked around with, he bursts out into laughter. It gets on my nerves so much.



Knifey
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24 Aug 2011, 1:56 pm

it actually made me LOL reading this thread. you keep saying "i don't understand the joke", or "what is the joke". why does there have to be a joke to laugh? sometimes you just laugh when things don't go right, like when a house of cards falls down one card from the end. It's funny because you spent all that effort on such a stupid thing only to fail. ITS FUNNY. there is no setup and punchline. you guys are unbelievable. When somebody laughs, what ever you do don't keep a straight face or they will feel awful or they will think you are a freak. People laugh when they make a mistake to diffuse the situation, if you keep a straight face the poor girl probably had a panic attack because you weren't responding correctly (laughing with her lets her know you don't hate her for making the mistake). if you keep a straight face when somebody makes a mistake and they try and laugh it off, you are saying they are stupid and you are annoyed. which causes more head laughing.