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wcoltd
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23 Aug 2011, 8:55 pm

I feel like the person I am when I am by myself is completely different from the impression I give off to people when I am around them. There is something about being around people that causes me to behave like a bumbling idiot.

I write all sorts of papers and my teachers keep thinking that I stole the material because they think I am too stupid to have written something like that. One teacher even called me a theif without even backing up his accusation in front of the entire class.

I can't express my thoughts as clearly when I am around people there is something about it, maybe anxiety that prevents me from speaking as clearly as I think when I am by myself.

What am I? The person when I am by myself, or am I really the person people think I am?

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?



Didacticity
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23 Aug 2011, 9:15 pm

In a very limited sense, that sums up Asperger’s. It’s certainly is true of me, and unfortunately for Wrong Planet this disparity is evident when it comes to posting on forums as well.

I would note that apparently I can be more articulate at some times than others (this according to various observers of my behavior), and that my perception of how well I’ve articulated my thoughts bears little resemblance to what others see.

Too bad about your teacher; he or she sounds immoral.



xowe
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23 Aug 2011, 9:18 pm

I know exactly what you are talking about. I am more comfortable when I am alone and when I am around other people in a place I am not really comfortable, I withdraw, just listen and don't really say anything.

I think the trick, for me, is to find situations where I am not so focused on the social, and more on the "fun" or doing something which I am very knowledgable about.

Cheers!



wcoltd
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23 Aug 2011, 9:30 pm

xowe wrote:
I know exactly what you are talking about. I am more comfortable when I am alone and when I am around other people in a place I am not really comfortable, I withdraw, just listen and don't really say anything.

I think the trick, for me, is to find situations where I am not so focused on the social, and more on the "fun" or doing something which I am very knowledgable about.

Cheers!


Yeah if I am talking about something I am interested in like science or economics I can talk very well, though I am usually concerned with what other people might be thinking about me, so I withdraw.



xowe
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23 Aug 2011, 9:50 pm

I have my own set of rules for how I do social stuff... Lets me see when people are getting board, when I should stop talking, or otherwise. I have built them, mostly by doing. I have a friend who drags me to places I probably wouldn't otherwise go to. I was way worse at the social stuff in my 20s and before, but I can at least fake it most of the time now. Still can't do anything in large groups of people.

:)



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23 Aug 2011, 10:49 pm

When I'm around other people I often have almost uncontrollable behavior whereby I basically imitate the other person, particularly if I want to impress them. This means adopting their general attitude and mannerisms. I've always wondered if they notice. Maybe. I never asked.

I've gotten better at it lately.. imitating people whose behavior I find largely bad is annoying, but then why am I trying to impress them, I don't know. Lack of self-confidence I guess, but yeah, I've gotten better at it lately... It's bizarre, like I often don't have a personality of my own.

And I tend to simply react to things in social situations without thinking, although I've gotten better about that too.. I do think, but, not on as conscious a level as I am now, or as I do in general.. It could just be 'simple social anxiety', whatever that really means. Maybe I used to be a tool, and now I'm not as much :)

Not caring what people think is nice in the sense of not being nervous all the time, but it also makes me wonder why I should bother doing anything. Provoking people in various ways used to seem fun but not anymore. Everything in general seems like a science experiment with no particularly desirable outcome. I'm sure if I were emotionally involved in something or other it would seem meaningful in that level, but emotions have never quite made sense to me. At most I think they spring from the genitalia as a way to try and attract whichever people appeal to you sexually.. and I've always thought sex was rather silly.. pleasurable on a base physical level maybe but overall just silly. The Earth in general strikes me as rather silly :)



izzeme
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24 Aug 2011, 3:50 am

this sounds familiar, on the surface.
being around others invoolves conforming to NT rules, something that takes consious effort for me, effort i cannot use for solving that particular problem i'm working on, for example.



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24 Aug 2011, 10:33 am

I do better in larger groups, where I can mostly keep my mouth shut unless I have something to say (but keep it brief), or something hits me "funny" that I can say (which can be touchy, since the Aspie (I know now) sense of humor is different from most. I've always been aware that I'm inclined to talk "too much" (Little Professor?), so I always keep a check on that. I had an aunt who never stopped talking (Aspie? Dunno), and even her siblings talked about it, accepted her as the way she was, and interrupted her or talked over her when _they_ had something to say, so I had a good example before me of how not to "be". I have a harder time in groups of two or three or four, where I'm "supposed to" do my part in keeping conversation going.



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24 Aug 2011, 12:19 pm

When alone, I'm awesome.
When in public, my awesomeness is locked inside, leaving a clueless and listless shell that can barely verbalize anything properly.
When alone again, the shell remains somewhat, and I must take time to shed it and recover my former awesomeness, which can be exhausting and usually requires a nap.



Zen
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24 Aug 2011, 12:49 pm

I don't know how to externalize the person that I am internally. I come across as an idiot because I can't put my thoughts into words properly and often can't think of even simple words when I try to say something. People make assumptions about me which are completely incorrect. (For example, people always think I'm religious when I'm actually anything but.) And even when I think I've been sharing with people, they will then tell me that they don't really know me.
It's quite frustrating sometimes.



wcoltd
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24 Aug 2011, 3:55 pm

Zen wrote:
I don't know how to externalize the person that I am internally. I come across as an idiot because I can't put my thoughts into words properly and often can't think of even simple words when I try to say something. People make assumptions about me which are completely incorrect. (For example, people always think I'm religious when I'm actually anything but.) And even when I think I've been sharing with people, they will then tell me that they don't really know me.
It's quite frustrating sometimes.


I know exactly what you mean. Though I find it's not that I can't communicate thoughts when I am around people, It's that I can't have the same thoughts. Like somehow my IQ dropped like 50 points all of a sudden.

Yeah, people think I'm religious too, when I am not. Where I live that's a good thing. Sometimes I make a damn fool of myself when talking about things I care about because usually no one else does or the setting isn't right. I'm a perpetual party pooper.

I picked up the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" which has really helped alot, though I feel like I am getting my responses out of a book rather than being really genuine. I think people can pick up on that.



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24 Aug 2011, 4:21 pm

I’ve lost count of how many messages like this I’ve posted on these forums. I always feel like I’m acting when I’m interacting with other people, and that’s it’s a reflexive thing that I don’t even control.