Self-loathing (or self-hatred)

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I have it from the way other people have treated me; it's not intrinsic

So when i avoid people I feel ok about myself but when I have to mix with them they can send me down again so I limit my interaction with them

I generally think I'm an ok person but society demands more than I have to give so I am assigned low social status generally and this really annoys me so I try and say I am not taking part in this contest as no one wants to take part in a competition they know they've got no chance of winning. That's how I feel about it anyway

So I have my own judgement system going on that does not use things like image and looks to assess a person's worth; it judges on intelligence and kindness and interestingness

I can't change how society assesses a person's worth but I can refuse to accept peoples' negative judgements of me as the 'truth' - they are just opinion and I can work on not letting those opinions matter to me.

Trying to help others is a good way of forgetting about yourself and how you feel about yourself - this is the best way to overcome self-loathing in my opinion - helping others, as if you do that you can't be a bad person and therefore have worth as you are proving it by being of use to others

Everyone has a role to play in life - it's just finding out what it is that matters

Focusing just on the self is not a good thing - focus should be outwards, on what is happening in the world and in other peoples' lives - this is a more mentally healthy thing to do ie engaging with the outside world

I feel better when I engage with other people, even if it's just on the computer - the brain prefers to interact with other people and to be given projects to work on to being left to it's own devices

This is so true for me. My life has been filled with one failure after another. Some successes along the way, but not in things that matter in terms of self-sufficiency. I could do well in school, and that impressed people, but academia is quite forgiving compared to the rest of the world, and "success" in academia is little more than doing what is required in the syllabus handed out on the first day of class.

In the "real world," nothing I ever do seems good enough to be successful in matters of opportunity. In spite of now knowing about AS, I still struggle to let go of past failures. The inability to find where I belong seems to keep the old wounds open, bleeding and ever sore.

It doesn't help that people who are successful think I make excuses for why I don't get ahead. In some way, I agree that I probably don't try as hard as I could to make something more of my life, but I'm not like "normal" people. My lack of understanding of things others grasp so easily makes it so much harder for me to do what others can do, and I don't want to use AS as an excuse to not keep trying.

In spite of knowing it's not my "fault," I find myself always angry over my situation, and where else is there to direct my anger except inward. I keep feeling that if SOMEHOW I just made a better choice along the way, everything would have been better. I know there's no way to say it would be so, but I can't help feeling that way.

I struggle with this. I'm convinced I'm stupid, making an idiot of myself every time I'm out in public, just generally doing everything wrong and incapable of understanding what is right. People tell me it's irrational all the time, but I can't really believe them: not when I have such a long history of thinking I was doing OK only to be slapped in the face. Every hour I realize I've been oblivious to something important. How on earth can I trust myself, my perception, my thinking under those conditions? I can't.

Learning that it was ASD only helped a little. At least I didn't have to wonder what was wrong with me, but it basically confirmed my fear that I was (in a sense) "ret*d", or that my perception was flawed. It took away some of the guilt but also took the little confidence I had.