Realize that if i go somwhere no one ever talks 2me

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Panic
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22 Aug 2011, 10:25 pm

Like if i goto work and dont say hello or hi to people or school or anywhere...

people don't say anything to me....not even in family members homes...

so should i opt in not trying to talk to anyone since they don't want to talk 2 me in the first place...



Koan
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22 Aug 2011, 10:34 pm

Don't equate "not saying hello" with "don't want to talk to me". They are very different things. Also, you may not pick up on body language that also is saying "hello" or "I noticed you" or "I'd probably be open to talking to you if you said hello first".

Don't shut yourself out like that. I do that, and it sucks. I know it can be very difficult, but maybe try saying something yourself. Learn body language and consciously practice it if you have to so that you can at least recognize it, even if you can't emulate it very well.

Say hello. Practice small talk. Try to just relax and be yourself. You'd be surprised by how many people might give you a chance and even become friends. And don't feel bad about rejection. It's kind of like looking for a job. You have to go through 20 rejections before you get one offer. So even if the majority of people might not want to continue talking to you after you start a conversation for a bit, that's not your problem. Those are just the odds, statistics, and if you think about it you might realize you probably wouldn't really want to be friends with a majority of any group of people anyway. Or maybe you would, but I wouldn't. To many vapid, shallow, uncaring, unthinking sheeple. But there I go being cynical again.. :)



sagan
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22 Aug 2011, 11:35 pm

Panic wrote:
so should i opt in not trying to talk to anyone since they don't want to talk 2 me in the first place...


No, you should not do this. It will become a vicious circle, then they will think you don't like them. It's not necessarily that they don't want to talk to you, maybe they are busy, didn't see you, etc.
I am very shy, so I often will not approach someone I know, and wait for them to say hi. This leads nowhere. People get offended, and drama ensues.


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nemorosa
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23 Aug 2011, 6:24 am

I have always been invisible to others such that they don't usually wish to talk to me. When I was younger this used to bother me but these days I consider it a blessing as I really do enjoy my own company I find life so much less stressful if I don't have to engage with other people.



Ilka
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23 Aug 2011, 9:13 pm

If you arrive to a place where there is other people, it is a matter of good manners to salute. If you do not do that, you are being rude. If a person arrives to a place I am and do not say a thing, I will ignore that person, because that person is being rude to me.

I have also noticed that my Aspies husband use to be serious all the time and with disgust in his face (maybe its because of the heat, or the noise, or because he is not feeling well, but people does not know that!), so people will avoid interacting with him because they think he is mad.



gothicfeline
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23 Aug 2011, 10:30 pm

There is a certain sort of body language that indicates to other people that you are open/wish to be approached in a social context. I'm not very good at it so I'm probably not the best to be describing it, but it generally involves being relaxed, having uncrossed legs and arms, and making brief eye contact and smiling at people who are around or walk by. Without these cues, people will generally feel that it's best not to approach. If someone finds it difficult to give off these cues, then generally it's important to compensate by approaching people and saying hi.

I generally can't do either of those things with strangers; it's a lot easier when I'm with people I know.



johnsmcjohn
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24 Aug 2011, 12:57 am

I think that people don't talk to me because I don't talk to them. Nothing wrong with it, it's just I only talk to people when I have something to convey, or I need information. Talking is not and has never been something I do recreationally.


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SammichEater
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24 Aug 2011, 1:35 am

johnsmcjohn wrote:
I think that people don't talk to me because I don't talk to them. Nothing wrong with it, it's just I only talk to people when I have something to convey, or I need information. Talking is not and has never been something I do recreationally.


This.

Although, if people were to stop making attempts at small talk with me, there's a good chance I wouldn't even notice.


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