A group in which you "fit in" a little more? Advic

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So I had been pretty sure I have Asperger's due to how when I read about it everything jsut clicks for me, expecially many aspie specific. I really can't connect with people save for carrying on very basic conversations, which i have an okish time with. see, i went to his theatre camp about a month ago and i seemed to be a little more comfortable with those kids(all weird theatre kids, of course. we're all a bit eccentric), we managed to have some conversations, and i started thinking you know Maybe I was wrong about the Asperger's thing, this seems to be working.But by the end of the two weeks, I could tell and feel that I was the unspoken outcast of the group as usual. Which really hurt, because I felt closer to those people than anyone ever (granted, still not that close). And I haven't spoken to any of them since camp ended, save for some forced conversations that just made everyone uncomfortable, and it sucks because i know i'll be the one kid everyone forgets about soon enough.
now I'm in this cast for a show and some of the kids didn't know each other before, and really all of the kids seem great and i would love to be friends with all of them, there's one i may even fancy a bit but we're two weeks in, and i see the way kids are taking to the other newbies and i don't understand. it's as if they've been friends forever but they have only known them a few days in reality and i'm trying to talk to kids (some are a responding more than others, the clingier less than popular kids seem charmed at my efforts) but it's so hard to connect with people the way the others are and i'm so frustrated WHAT AM I MISSING ? beyond trying to get the know these kdis to the best of my ability, i've even tried looking my nicest, performing my best, i landed a great role and am rocking it. I'm trying to give them no reason to dislike me in any way from the outside. and i've tried to make small talk to show my good intentions at every chance, but i just can't get there, you know? i still see that Newcomer Interest in some of their eyes when they look at me, enough curiousity for them to listen if i do have something to say or pick up on what i'm getting at, but i'm stilll struggling to get to real friend level with them. plus that interest will fade soon enough and i'll be old news. i hate this, I thought i was wrong and that i could make friends but it seems that wasn't right, and i really don't want this to end like everything else where at one point i realize just how false my sense of belonging is because i know how much i really don't belong there but am desparate to fit in some place.

Oh boy. So, do you have a group of people or person that you feel a bit more "normal" around, but maybe aren't quite there with? I'm just wondering if the fact that I can have somewhat fluid conversations with these people throws the idea of asperger's out the window. And any advice would be welcome. Please feel free to look back on my older posts to see a more detailed description of my symptoms or situation.
Thank you all.

Oh by the way, today i learned that my sister had major delays in development of large motor skills (cutting with scissors, eating with utensils, riding a bike, swimming, etc), which is one of those things that I didn't have (except i was little older with being able to bike) but my sister did. Just thought I'd mention it.

Not really. My friends tend to be scattered here and there, there never really is a group of people where I fit. In my opinion, while theatre people are weird, its like expressive weird. Aspies tend to be flat weird or off weird. Its a different type of weirdness. But if u like theatre, good for you. Its actually good for aspies cause it teaches social skills.

The only place I finally found where I fit in is this website!!

I fit in with groups of people that share my interests, pretty much, I'm always just a little off though. I don't go out drinking with my workmates as often as the rest of them do because I don't like weekend-crowded pubs or drinking to the point of memory impairment and loss of control, though I do like going to pubs on weeknights for 2-4 drinks. I am friendly with the people I play sport with though I rarely see them socially.

That just about sums up what I was going to say.

I knew someone was going to agree with me lol

That happened to me at college. I tried to 'fit in' with a group of them but at break time they all legged it so I couldn't keep up with them. I didn't really care though because I don't need friends. It was a performing arts course though so without friends or at least people who were willing to talk to me, I had to quit. I'm doing IT this year so I won't need friends.

I don't feel like I really fit in, in any groups.....I mean there are some types of people I get along better with, but even that usually ends up ending when we end up going our seperate ways for whatever reason...maybe all hell breaks loose like a year ago or maybe we just stop talking and drift apart due to me moving, losing contact or whatever. But yeah lately I have not even really put any effort in trying to get to know anyone......I have been trying to hang out with my cousin and her boyfriend a bit more and it can be fun but I still feel like I'm stuck behind a wall. I can't seem to get rid of it and no one seems to be able to get through it.

Also there is the issue that because of this sometimes it probably seems like I don't care or am not intrested, I don't express a lot of emotions usually, if one is around me long enough they will know I have emotions unfortunatly these emotions tend to be negative so then I just end up looking self centered or whatever.....I mean its understandable if someone does not express much emotion unless they are upset that is how it looks I guess.

So no there is no one I truly fit in with in my opinion, I guess as for advice i would say if you don't already have a wall built up don't build one because then its even harder to get close to anyone. I guess maybe it takes practice to learn more social skills and find out where you really fit in.......and if you don't fit in anywhere i guess you have to come to terms with that.

Ditto.

The nerdy ones, at least. You can get a lot of respect from people just impressing them by being awesome with the one thing. Or, sometimes, just knowing a lot about the stuff they like to talk about.

I always let them take the lead though. They don't notice the wierdness if I am responding to something they say, but I can't initiate topics or subjects without my Aspergers showing.

I tend to be able to have fluid, if not engaging conversations with people at anime conventions. They're all so free-spirited and weird in their own way, and even if I'm not as big a fan of anime as they are, it's an event to really be happy and do things the way you want. So I guess that's why people are easier to talk to - You have an excuse to randomly go up to someone and begin conversation and not get looked at creepily. And some of these people like anime so much that they really start to get intelligent about things - They evolve and grow smarter in an unusual way.

And I like that. It's different from school, from the usual everyday people I pass by who just seem displeased with life or something else negative. I know I don't quite "fit in" with them, but it's closer than I've experienced before.

Actually yes. I have a social group I am solidly part of, despite the fact that I have AS - I'm very much an aspie in the group, and not really quite there, but they're friendly, at least some of them try to include me, and its a social circle I associate myself with. The fact that many of these people would be BAP people helps as well.


For me its the science fiction/board gaming club. The group of people who are geeky and not ashamed of it. Geeks and nerds who share an interest that is either a special interest or closely related to a special interest if yours seem to be what I've seen this happen with. And then some of these groups, like the one I'm in, start collecting aspies, because they're the most aspie friendly group on campus.

I don't fit in with any group. Even amongst nerd/geek/dorks, I stick out, and everyone tells me that I am a weirdo freak. The truth is that I don't really have the need to feel like I belong within any group.

I do not fit in anywhere, and that includes this website.

there are a couple of groups i hang out with but i only semi fit with one of them. i hang with the other group not to make friends but to do political stuff. i still wish i fit at least a little bit with them. theyre some of the best people i know. scratch that- they are the best i know. the social bunch i hang with im not close to but theyre the closest to family ill ever have even if they have no affection towards me. i know my affiliation with both might fail but i want it to go on for as long as possible. i think it helps that both groups fall outside society's norm for different reasons like me.

I totally felt like topic starter when I made my entrance into the new high school, and it continued till way after finishing college.
I did have some people that were my college mates, I could talk to them. But we never did anything outside school. I knew they did meet up but I was never someone to have friends outside the school or to hang out or do ANYTHING that resembled having some kind of social life. Those years were horrible. I could just hear my life tick by.. no one cared for me, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
So now at least, you and I have a clue of what might be 'wrong' with us.. that's a very important step. Trust me, after 30 years, I found the Asperger thing. It changed my life for the better. I know what the obstacles are, I know my limits, I can try to improve. But when I f**k up conversations with strangers, I blame it on the lack of the social brainthing. I don't blame it on myself.

I did find a few loyal friends that have been around for some years now. In finding them and keeping them, it's important to not compromise your own identity. I'm gay, unemployed, cannot handle a lot of people or events together. So I can't go out to bars and parties. I'm the bossy kind, I need control of every situation. But that's ok, that's just me. I have my good qualities too apparently. These people had no problem with it, they appreciated me for being REAL, for not following the herd, for taking the risk (being unemployed since college grad, 9 years ago). I live my life like I see it, and I don't care about how the rest of society sees my 'seemingly unsuccessful road through life'.

These people were:
my one punky friend, living like a punk, smoking, doing all kinds of late-bar stuff, the animal shelter rescue volunteer, very sensitive, but still NT since she hangs out with loads of people in lots of noise and smoke all the time. She likes me because we share the same world view; Stupid jobs, stupid society, stupid herd people.
My other friend was unemployed and not so popular because he was a bit of a nerd. But he was great in smalltalk. Still, he stuck with me.. probably because we were both unemployed and had a lot of free time and we loved going out in nature and make pictures. Now he's got a job and a girlfriend, and I guess I'm not fitting into his 'road to success' anymore. Don't speak to him much anymore.

LAtely I broke up with my girlfriend since I just had this urge to live my life independently. I think single happy people are so cool.. I WANT to be alone, I want time for myself; I don't want relationships anymore; And now I see people like me a lot more.. so the self-confidence and independence you show works miracles..
Also, (maybe not relevant for ts) get some interests. Get a life on your own, do sports, get into hobbies you can learn .. just be busy on your own. So when you meet people, you might seem to have an interesting life and that always attracts.

Concerning the conversations you have. Smalltalk is what it is.. it's passing time. I have no idea how you can meet people in real life and make them stick..
The ones I've met are the ones I was 'locked up with' in a course or other things.