''Maybe they were just having a bad day''

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This answer drives me insane! When someone at work had been telling me off all day and making me feel like a schoolchild, and I told other people, they were all like, ''maybe she was just having a bad day'', so, in other words, they were telling me that I must respect her stupid emotions, I suppose. I could have said, ''but she wasn't snapping at everyone else, and I've been doing exactly the same task as I always have been doing and I'm not stupid I KNEW that I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she was joking and laughing to all the other colleagues all day, so I choose to take it rather personally hear'', but I couldn't be bothered to say this, although this was all true. She was just doing anything she could to moan at me and make me feel small, simply because she's Little Miss Popular and I'm too ''weird'' for her liking.

But all that is besides the point. The real point is, it's all very well for me to have to give myself up and go out of my way to understand and respect other people's emotions when they're having ''a bad day'', but what about when I'm having a bad day? People don't want to know! I am just told to grin and bear it when I'm going to be around other people, but when they are in foul moods it's OK for them to start complaining and mouthing and strutting about causing an atmosphere for everybody else - which I don't even do when I'm in a bad mood at work. But I know if I did do that, people will disrespect me.

And I don't want the ''it's not what you do it's how you do it'' answer either, because even if I did it EXACTLY the same way as anybody else would, I would still lose everyone's respect.

That sounds very frustrating and hard to deal with, for anyone.

I just know that even though other people may not know "specifically" why they feel they can be mean to us, people with Asperger's, they do find us, and they can tell if we are going to stand up for ourselves. I have seen this happen in work and school situations, and I never understood why anyone would chose me to pick on when all I try to do is be nice and stay and out of their way.

A book I read recently with a character with AS like issues, one of the things someone told him was that if you never show people anger, they will walk all over you. I have had that sentence rolling around in my head since then, because I find it to be true for me and my experiences. Even if Im very angry I'm not going to show it, so people have gotten away with a lot. I wonder how different things might have been if I had been able to "show" right away that they were not getting away with it.

I hope things go better for you.

It would certainly help if we could immediately connect with our thoughts and emotions, and act on them speedily and appropriately instead of letting the time lag happen. The power is in the moment and the moment is lost. There have been times when what another person says or does leaves me dumbstruck. Their expression can seem strange, sudden, or completely out of context. Really, it's shocking what comes out of some people's mouths. On those occasions when I've been able to respond right away, the whole dynamic changes, often in my favor.

I think studying martial arts would be beneficial.

I am also unable to show anger, and people at work do pick on me a lot (or they used to, since I quit working).

My only saving card is that I can be very, very sarcastic. Being sarcastic works almost as well as showing anger, except that people then start saying I'm condescending. Still better to be called condescending than being picked on, though.

I find ordinary jobs -- with co-workers, bosses, and of course popularity cliques -- impossible for this exact reason. I'm always picked on until I either become too anxious to go back and quit in despair, or until they decide I'm sarcastic (condescending) enough to fire me.

I'm sorry but I have no good advice except to try to think of a way to make money without having a regular job. I hate to tell you something so depressing, but I believe this will very likely continue to happen to you all your working days, and follow you from job to job. It did to me for twenty years.

I might appreciate it more if perhaps they were being a bit bossy and snappy with everyone in the workplace, but when they are just being mean to me only and I catch them chatting and laughing to everyone else, that's where I find it just a trifle unfair.

I can show anger, in fact that's what my outbursts come from. But I find it more difficult to express anger in the workplace, because I always thought it was socially unnacceptable to stomp around slamming doors and yelling in the workplace. I thought it was disrespectful and unfair to everyone else. When I'm angry, I tell people that I'm angry, and why, then that's as far as it will go. And I may seem more quiet aswell. But I try not to take it out on other people, since it's not their fault that I'm angry. And I wouldn't go picking on certain people then sit with others and joke and laugh with them. That's very inconsiderate behaviour, I always thought.

It sounds like you're her punching bag.

It's called BULLYING. Workplace bullying, in particular. They know very well that they're being unkind and unfair. They mean to be unkind and unfair to you, deliberately, to elevate their own social status and blame their mistakes on you. They are doing it on purpose, and not from simple bad manners.

I can totally relate to this! "They're just having a bad day" is a total excuse and I hate how other people seem to be given excuses to get away with things and I don't.

The people who have identified this as bullying are totally right. They're probably just glad that person is being mean to you and not them, which is dumb because if multiple people stood up to this person, especially since it's at work then they can't be so intimidating.

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I got a similar aspie & NT score so you can call me bi-neural

I think saying that is giving them a benefit of a doubt. But if they aren't treating everyone the same way, they are probably targeting you.