Worries about alcohol and socialising

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I'm at the point where I really want to try and improve my social skills and get out of the house. As much as I like my own company, living with parents now makes me anxious and stressed and I want to try and make like minded friends as I don't have many, and hopefully start dating if possible.

I've never been to a real party or social gathering where alcohol is involved as I'm never invited, and I continue to get anxious about the thought of it. I've got OCD and worry if I go to a place with alcohol, that someone might put something in my drink or the percentage maybe more than displayed or something. I'm terrified at the thought that alcohol can stop you controlling yourself and common sense as I like to try keep in control of my actions. I also get worried if I drink it I would say things I should keep private. Though I drink the odd beer at home sometimes on my own, I don't necessarily enjoy it or see the purpose of the concept of alcohol. I've got a small stomach so I can barely handle a pint and is enough liquid for me, so how people say they can shove down over 6 pints is something I'm amazed at. So I'm worried in social situations I will just choose to be sober and people may view me as a wuss or something.

I've never been drunk, which people apparently telling me I'm missing out on. So as I want to socialise more, the subject of alcohol is inevitable to come up. I'm from England and going to the pub/bar is kind of like a rule to go to and socialise with others. I've been in those settings before rarely and experience sensory overload (lots of people talking, loud music) and trying to concentrate talking to people at the same time and trying to analyse what their saying. And I just feel out of place in those settings and get other people to order for me as I'm worried the bartender will think I'm strange or I'd do something stupid, I've never used my ID to buy alcohol (I'm 20 which is above legal age here)

Then of course is dating where drinking again is standard - "Can I buy you a drink?".. I don't really enjoy alcohol at all but want to in a funny way, because I feel I'm missing out on something big as society constantly rave about it. So when it comes to dating and drinking, I'm worried I will just appear weird or strange because of my lack of experience of alcohol, as its a societal rule to drink with someone you like.

Is there any way I can feel better about this, and are my concerns about alcohol actually valid? Particularly about its purpose in socialising and dating. Places in which people meet up in my area tends to be the pubs and bars and simply those places give me a lot of anxiety and tends to be sport driven which I'm not very interested in.

Do yourself a favor: don't drink alcohol if you don't feel like drinking alcohol.

If somebody asks you if you want a drink, just tell them that alcohol affects your stomach, and that you might vomit if you drink it. They'll get the idea really fast.

Cool that sounds like a good idea. I guess a large reason why I'm not invited to social events with alcohol though is my own fault that I turn them down. Maybe its not so much about the alcohol itself, but the outcome of the event. A lot of the social opportunities I'm interested in are around the evening time I guess, and that's when people hit the bars. I get worried people will get aggressive in there and lose control due to the alcohol, I hear that can happen. I would probably not drink much at all as the toilet facilities there will likely be very busy and I can't go if loads of people are in there. Then of course its getting home safely at night as I'm anxious about being a victim crime on the streets and if I've drunk alcohol someone could take advantage of me. Its just all these factors which make me not socialize as much as I'd like to. So fear of crime is another big reason.

Have you gotten your license yet?

You could definitely be the "designated driver" if you have your license.

A fool-proof excuse if I ever heard one.

Please note: I waited until age 37 to get my license.

If you don't want to get drunk,

Than don't get drunk.

If you want to drink but don't want to get drunk, have one or two shots by yourself so you know how much you can drink with others.

Also there are far better drugs than alcohol that don't make you a total idiot, I would personally seek them out. However it sounds like you want to stay in your state of mind so perhaps not doing any mind altering substance is a better idea. I recommend going to those parties and holding a glass of alcohol and pretending to drink it. This works well because half the time at those kinds of parties every one is too stoned and drunk to care or notice that you haven't actually drank anything.

Also why do you want to go to these kinds of parties, most of the time they are stupid. I would only go if gaming was there or they were watching some movie I wanted to see. Most people that get drunk on a regular bases are stupid, there is no point to alcohol. Where as say Adderall for example actually makes you more focused. Drugs are fun to play with but it doesn't sound like your thing and remember alcohol is a drug. The only reason is not depicted that way is because of social norms which are so freaking stupid to me. Its like the we say so company, alcohol is good because sociality says its good.

Not taking the first drink is helpful in not getting drunk

Many find they have fun despite the alcohol/ETOH.

For some Alcohol at first leads to lots of fun - perhaps little problems.

For some that continue to drink
Alcohol leads to small fun AND big problems.
Including
Trips to Gated Communities
Lost things
ETC.

I hate bars, clubs, parties because I can't take the sensory overload from all the noise. I can't even hear myself think let alone speak or have other's hear me in those environments. I speak in the same volume regardless of the environment I am in, and have difficulty raising or lowering my voice. I don't like alcohol as it doesn't make me more social, instead it just makes me tired and tipsy. I find it to be a colossal waste of money. I've had 7 gf's and plenty of dates in my life so far(29) and I haven't met any in a bar, club, or party. I've met most online before meeting in person some of those from forums, online gaming, a couple from plenty of fish and some I've met randomly out in public.

Another reason that I have found to be cautious about alcohol is that the I need my wits about me in order to socialise at all effectively. Compensating for my problems with social perception takes concentration and self-control, and if I get too drunk, I can't do that any more and I will become more easily overwhelmed and unable to participate.

Predicting the effects of alcohol gets a bit tricky after awhile.
Many try to change things like
Beer to wine
Or
Never mixing drinks
Or
Never drinking before __time

For some (you have to determine)
change us like switching deck chairs on the Titanic.

Believe me, you aren't missing out on not getting drunk. It is a horrible feeling that I would not want anybody to feel.

I'm not an alcoholic, but once I get started I'm definitely a problem drinker, who gets hangovers that last two or three days. Obviously, I'm not saying that would happen to you, but I think it happens to me because I do tend to drink too much once I start. I don't go on nights out very often because I don't enjoy the next few days.

I'm always in control of myself when I drink, I've never lost sense of myself, always manage to get home no matter how much I've drunk. My overall demeanour doesn't particularly change. I'm still socially awkward, I'm still suspicious of everyone around me, and I've never given away information I later come to regret.

If I drink, I stick to single measures of spirits in a half pint glass, topped up with coke or tonic, depending on what I'm drinking. I pretty much lose the ability to walk if I drink wine (and it also gives me diarrhoea) and I never drink pints of anything - I'll have half a cider, but I don't touch beer of any variety because it makes me really ill.

I realise that nose of this is probably relevant to you, but I just wanted to share my experiences.

Point is, don't drink just because you feel like you have you. My mum sometimes has a bottle of wine at the weekend when we're watching a film, but I usually stick to a bottle of pop because that's what I prefer.

Don't feel like you have to enjoy alcohol or ask for an alcoholic drink if a potential suitor offers to buy you a drink - if you feel like anyone's trying to pressure you into having booze just stand your ground. Just to reiterate: YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON BEING DRUNK. Being drunk is an awful feeling.

My problem with drinking in pubs or bars is that I stand outside chain smoking because it's a more relaxed atmosphere (for me anyway). I tried to pay for a drink with a straw once (it's fair to say I'd had several and several more that I shouldn't have had by then). That's stupid. Although not nearly as stupid as a lady friend of mine standing next to the ladies and asking the barman where the toilets were.

Of course your concerns about alcohol are valid. I've never been spiked, but I always keep a hold of my drink and take it with me when I go to the toilet - largely because I am really suspicious of people, even when I know them quite well.

But there's other ways of getting out and socialising, that don't involve drinking booze. There's hobby groups, dancing classes for all sorts of abilities (I dunno, it's just what I did), go on dating sites and meet up for coffee or tea or something else that happens in a relaxed environment without booze. My last date involved a sandwich, a flask, and a park bench. It was brilliant. I mean, the relationship didn't really go that far, but the few dates we went on were good. I met him in TK Maxx.

If you do want to drink alcohol (because it's not really all that terrible, despite it not really being all the great either) find what you like before any social events you might attend where there might be alcohol, and find your limit. I can drink a good few Malibu and cokes before I'm even slightly drunk, but I'm absolutely wasted (and very itchy) after one glass of wine. That said, there are far better drugs than alcohol, most of which I'd rather have, but only if I'm getting them from someone I trust, which is why I usually stick with booze or pop.

If you'd rather keep your head though, stick to pop, or find alternate means of socialising - hobby groups, going for coffee, etc.

Don't get drunk just because you feel like it's some sort of social rule. If I want to get drunk it's because I want to get drunk, not because I feel like I have to. As a result, I only really get properly drunk once or twice a year, if that.

If you don't want to get drunk, don't take the first sip. If you do want to drink, DON'T MIX YOUR LIQUOR. I learned early on that that was a bad idea.

There's a message in there somewhere, I swear.

alchohol lowers inhibitions making autistics think they are doing better socially when what they are doing is presenting as more autistic.

Several points to consider:

a) You don't need to drink if you don't want to. Many kinds of social gatherings don't have alcohol as an expected thing at all (eg dinner dates, more relaxed sorts of parties, official get-togethers as part of a shared group such as work, etc). People may or may not drink at those events, but are unlikely to question someone who isn't drinking. Only a few kinds of social gatherings have alcohol expected (eg pub crawls) and even so, you could probably hang out with them sober as long as you have a prepared answer for why you're not drinking. (Designated driver is a good one, if you have a license. Medical issues can also be a good answer. Or you could just say 'I don't like the taste of it' - I say that and no one gives me a hard time about it. If they do give you a hard time, they're not worth spending time with.

b) If you want to drink but are afraid of something being put in your drink, don't let your drink out of your sight. Or, if you're there with a trusted friend, ask them to watch your drink if you have to leave it. If you realize no one was watching your drink and you're afraid it may have been drugged, 'accidentally' spill it. Spilled drinks aren't that unusual at any event involving alcohol, and you can always get another drink. (In a bar, the bartender will usually offer to replace a spilled drink for free.)

c) If you're not experienced with alcohol, or don't want to get too drunk, drink slowly so you can feel the effect it's having before you've drunk too much. If they have snacks available, eat plenty of them - it lessens the effect of alcohol if you also have food in your stomach. And if anyone's dancing, join in, because exercise also reduces the effect of alcohol. Plus, as others have said, you can try drinking by yourself or with a trusted person in a safe place to learn your limits.

I don't drink. I can't stand the smell of alcohol, especially beer. It also doesn't help that Mom's side of the family were drunks. I didn't get invited to parties in college because I had the nasty reputation of shoving beer bottles down people's throats when they tried to force me to drink. When it came to the infamous marching band parties or music department parties at IUP, the organizers made damn sure there was plenty of Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper or 7up on hand.

The only use I have for beer is for steaming shrimp and blue crab, along with plenty of Old Bay or Wye River Seafood seasoning (hey, I'm close to the Chesapeake Bay. That's the only way to cook blue crab or shrimp.)