Does too much politeness irritate you?

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Joe90
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02 Sep 2011, 11:12 am

OK, maybe this is just unique to me, but sometimes too much politeness gets on my nerves. Nobody likes really rude people, and neither do I, but I seem to be able to ignore rude people, unless they're REALLY rude, like teenagers physically pushing other people out of their way when getting onto a crowded bus or in a crowded shop. There is no need for all that. But just because polite people can irritate me at times, doesn't mean I swing the opposite and really love rude people. I will go through a couple of examples with you, to show you what I mean:-

When waiting for the bus in a busy bus station, I get annoyed when another bus comes along (one what I'm not getting on), and there are other people getting tickets or money out of their pockets or bags and slowly walking upto the bus, while I'm standing completely out of anyone's path, then a few minutes later on somebody comes up from behind me and taps me on the shoulder and asks, ''excuse me, are you getting on this bus?'' Irritated, (but not showing it), I say, ''no.'' So the person rushes upto the bus and jumps on. And I'm like, she was standing behind me all that time waiting for me to walk upto the bus and get on, even though I was standing well back and giving off body language that I'm not getting on this bus, then she asks me at the last minute if I'm getting on. If I was getting on, wouldn't I be getting money or a ticket ready and be actually joining the queue, instead of standing well out the way and looking up on the screen to see when my bus is due in? And the answer is, she was being polite, but it irritated me. My bus was late, I was feeling a bit stressed, the last thing I wanted was somebody to TAP me on the shoulder and ask me that question. I didn't feel like a little interaction or my shoulder being tapped. It made me squirm. Yes, I know she was being polite, but....you know.

And another example is, when I'm in a busy supermarket, trying to think of things what I've got to get and where something is, and whilst deep in thought somebody creeps up from behind me, gently touches my back and murmurs in my ear, ''excuse me, please,'', and I realise I was blocking a whole gangway. But what most annoyed me was the person just crept up behind me but made me jump, and TOUCHED MY BACK!! ! I hate people I don't know touching me, especially when I'm deep in thought. Yes, I KNOW it's better than pushing or yelling, ''move!'' but there's still no need to touch me either. I care less when somebody just comes up to me and quickly says, ''excuse me, please'', and walk past. Mostly men just do this. Still being polite, but not too polite.

See, there's a difference between being polite but irritating at the same time, and just being reasonably polite. Anyone else feel the same, or is it just because I'm short-tempered and unique?


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02 Sep 2011, 11:35 am

:lol: When I read the thread title I thought you were going to say that you don't like polite people generally!

I agree. I hate it when people touch me when I'm not expecting it, especially on my back! I'm completely not violent, but my first instinct when that happens is to hit the person. I have to calm myself down and tell myself that they weren't trying to be nasty. Usually takes me a long time to calm down though!



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02 Sep 2011, 12:00 pm

I'm one of those people who stands behind someone who probably isn't getting on the bus. I can never tell when transportation is involved who's getting on and who's not. Don't know why. Or actually when any line is involved.

I apologize on behalf of all the unnecessary tappers-and-askers.



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02 Sep 2011, 1:03 pm

Politeness doesn't get on my nerves the way that rudeness does. I'd rather that someone be overly polite to me than be rude.


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02 Sep 2011, 1:23 pm

Ick, I would never touch people from behind. I never know how they would react like if they will turn around and hit me because I scared them.

Only kind of politeness that bothers me is when people don't say what they mean. If you don't want something, just say so. Don't say something like "I'll come back later." What's wrong with "No thanks" or "not interested?" My husband does this all the time so I learned this is how people actually talk. He always tells me "I said that just to be nice." Now that word puts me off sometimes now because I think it's just fakeness now and being a phony when people say they did something/said something to be nice.



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02 Sep 2011, 1:36 pm

Joe90 wrote:
OK, maybe this is just unique to me, but sometimes too much politeness gets on my nerves. Nobody likes really rude people, and neither do I, but I seem to be able to ignore rude people, unless they're REALLY rude, like teenagers physically pushing other people out of their way when getting onto a crowded bus or in a crowded shop. There is no need for all that. But just because polite people can irritate me at times, doesn't mean I swing the opposite and really love rude people. I will go through a couple of examples with you, to show you what I mean:-

When waiting for the bus in a busy bus station, I get annoyed when another bus comes along (one what I'm not getting on), and there are other people getting tickets or money out of their pockets or bags and slowly walking upto the bus, while I'm standing completely out of anyone's path, then a few minutes later on somebody comes up from behind me and taps me on the shoulder and asks, ''excuse me, are you getting on this bus?'' Irritated, (but not showing it), I say, ''no.'' So the person rushes upto the bus and jumps on. And I'm like, she was standing behind me all that time waiting for me to walk upto the bus and get on, even though I was standing well back and giving off body language that I'm not getting on this bus, then she asks me at the last minute if I'm getting on. If I was getting on, wouldn't I be getting money or a ticket ready and be actually joining the queue, instead of standing well out the way and looking up on the screen to see when my bus is due in? And the answer is, she was being polite, but it irritated me. My bus was late, I was feeling a bit stressed, the last thing I wanted was somebody to TAP me on the shoulder and ask me that question. I didn't feel like a little interaction or my shoulder being tapped. It made me squirm. Yes, I know she was being polite, but....you know.

And another example is, when I'm in a busy supermarket, trying to think of things what I've got to get and where something is, and whilst deep in thought somebody creeps up from behind me, gently touches my back and murmurs in my ear, ''excuse me, please,'', and I realise I was blocking a whole gangway. But what most annoyed me was the person just crept up behind me but made me jump, and TOUCHED MY BACK!! ! I hate people I don't know touching me, especially when I'm deep in thought. Yes, I KNOW it's better than pushing or yelling, ''move!'' but there's still no need to touch me either. I care less when somebody just comes up to me and quickly says, ''excuse me, please'', and walk past. Mostly men just do this. Still being polite, but not too polite.
me time, and just being reasonably polite. Anyone else feel the same, or is it just because I'm short-tempered and unique?


What I notice from you post is that you spend quite a time justifying yourself for not liking too polite people.Fine. This is because you don't want people to think that you are not polite and that you are a nice and respectable person after all. Fine.
What I get from your post is: polite people higher the politeness standards, so they remove you breathing space, and those of other for spontaneous and free social interaction. You might think that because you have problem complying and/or because you have a tendency to paranoia. So it makes you in a delicate position where you have to play
a game that your think is stupid and pointless, but as you are sensitive of what other people think of you, you feel you have to play it.

Don't worry you are just a bit smarter that average, nothing serious, just stop being annoyed and see that as a game.



AtticusKane
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02 Sep 2011, 1:36 pm

There's so many instances of people smiling and making pleasant small talk, just to turn around when the other leaves and scorn their idiocy or something. It blows my mind. "yes please" "no thank you", gah, I just don't get it. I mean, sure, sometimes it's good to do, but so often you can just tell it's practiced, scripted garbage - s**t man! Just say what you mean! I'm much more hurt by someone being fake to me, than being real, even if that means they're gonna call me out as some kinda freak. Bring on the rudeness. Just don't get me thinking you like me only to find that you're really just "being polite"



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02 Sep 2011, 2:25 pm

When I'm the one being polite, yes! I wish my conscience were a little looser, because feeling the need to walk on eggshells around people is tiring. I'm not saying I'd like to barge through crowds like a jerk, but still...



Joe90
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02 Sep 2011, 2:28 pm

Quote:
What I notice from you post is that you spend quite a time justifying yourself for not liking too polite people.Fine. This is because you don't want people to think that you are not polite and that you are a nice and respectable person after all. Fine.
What I get from your post is: polite people higher the politeness standards, so they remove you breathing space, and those of other for spontaneous and free social interaction. You might think that because you have problem complying and/or because you have a tendency to paranoia. So it makes you in a delicate position where you have to play
a game that your think is stupid and pointless, but as you are sensitive of what other people think of you, you feel you have to play it.

Don't worry you are just a bit smarter that average, nothing serious, just stop being annoyed and see that as a game.


I am no way smarter than average, I am stupider than average. It's more the principle of these sorts of things that count. Maybe what I was saying comes from my fear of crowds, and that I don't like the thought of me always being in the way even when I'm trying not to be in the way. Also I don't like strangers invading my space.

How's that?


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02 Sep 2011, 3:33 pm

I think I would be very weirded out if someone came up and started kissing my ass (an expression). No one's every showed me that much respect. And when I kiss people's asses or schooze them, it's because I'm trying to get something from them.


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AtticusKane
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02 Sep 2011, 4:00 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
I think I would be very weirded out if someone came up and started kissing my ass (an expression). No one's every showed me that much respect. And when I kiss people's asses or schooze them, it's because I'm trying to get something from them.


Exactly. Why anyone buys it, I'll never know.



Joe90
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02 Sep 2011, 4:09 pm

Well people give me funny looks all the time, yet they're all overpolite to me. It's all so comfusing.....unless I'm just hypersensitive to people's looks, I don't know....


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02 Sep 2011, 5:49 pm

Touching a stranger is NOT polite, unless you're shoving them out of the path of a runaway vehicle. That you murmur a polite phrase while touching them does not make the touching polite. What you are doing is demanding their attention by startling them with physical contact. You are unwilling to wait for their response to "Excuse me" or "Pardon me," because there is always a chance that they do neither. The tapping is just a precursor to being shoved aside if you prove unwilling to meet the tapper's needs. It's no wonder that, despite the polite words, the action leaves the tappee feeling uncomfortable.



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02 Sep 2011, 6:03 pm

I dislike extreme politeness more then rudeness, I think it's a sign of a repressed beaten individual without a healthy scorn for social convention and conformity.

All the really polite people I know are very conforming agreeable people who avoid confrontation.


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02 Sep 2011, 6:27 pm

Those two people were not being polite. They were being rude. It is incredibly rude to tap someone like that. Far better to ask and leave it at that.

I wish people were even more polite than they are. In my day to day life, in the town which I live, the culture revolves around rudeness and it is stressful. I am a hundred times more polite than the average person around here and my hairs bristle and my skin chafes having to put up with so much rudeness and disrespect for other people. It chafes me, body, mind and soul. It's rampant and low class.

I don't profess to be perfect but at least I try to be polite.



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03 Sep 2011, 1:16 am

i dont mind the excessivly polite. its people who mince their words and try and spare my feelings by being nice that bug me. i understand theyre trying to mind my feelings and its nice that they care but its hard enough trying to figure out peoples motives without them honeycoating everything. its just confusing and frustrating. i understand why you wouldnt want to be tapped but sometimes people are just so far gone in their thoughts you have no other option.