I am done, I am spent.

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Joined: 23 Jul 2011
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27 Jul 2011, 1:18 pm

I have been trying forever to fit in, I have spent years adapting to the rules of society and trying to act normal and a couple of days ago tried to explain what is going on it my head and got attacked for it from all sides.

I am beleaguered, I am tired and I am spent of energy.

I have nothing left, but I do not ever quit...for me to quit is to basically tie a noose around my head and let it all go.

How do you other find the strength and will to carry on?

I wish there was some wand I could wave to allow me to understand the world I have been shoved into, I have been trying to understand it for so long and everyday takes a little bit more...lately I just have not been able to deal with the judgement of others...my mum has basically ignored it, my brother has all but disowned me; instead speaking through her for the simplest of things, my so-called best friend has called me a leech for trying to find a scam while she works since the age of fourteen...like anything she says has any impact on what I do lol

I am done, I am spent...I just want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep, maybe tomorrow will be a better day?

I do not quit, I change and adapt and evolve but I just do not see any way forward. What would you do if faced with a town that just did not want you?

MakaylaTheAspie
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27 Jul 2011, 2:08 pm

If the world doesn't want to understand you, screw them! They're missing out on one wonderful person who thinks so differently, yet tried their best to remain positive.

And there's no rule that says you have to fit in, sticking out is just frowned upon.

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purchase
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27 Jul 2011, 2:36 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:

Excellent advice!

Also: can you move to a different town or find a community within your town that's accepting? For example last night I went to an open mic night. I was gonna sing+play piano but I signed up too late and didn't get to go last night. But I'll go again next week. Everyone there was very accepting and encouraging of each other's differences.

Callista
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27 Jul 2011, 2:42 pm

Quote:

How do you other find the strength and will to carry on?

I get a buzz cut, wear unfashionable clothing, go into a public place and rock while reading about astrophysics.

Plainly put, I refuse to be who the world says a "normal person" should be. It's a great relief to be yourself rather than imitating the typical.

As long as you are communicating effectively when you need to, treating people with respect, and staying safe, you should be allowed to be as eccentric as you want to be.

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EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 2:45 pm

Callista wrote:

As long as you are communicating effectively when you need to, treating people with respect, and staying safe, you should be allowed to be as eccentric as you want to be.

Agreed 100%.

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27 Jul 2011, 3:00 pm

It is possible to try so hard to fit in with 'society' that you actually feel like you are losing sight of your real self - it feels like you are disintegrating. In my job I haven't had the luxury of been able to say Sod The Lot Of Them (generally discouraged for clergy!), but I have had to learn (often the hard way!) what I need to do in order to stay sane and rebuild my energies.

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27 Jul 2011, 3:03 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:

Katatonic
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27 Jul 2011, 3:15 pm

I make it by because I don't care if the world understands me and I don't want to understand them. I know I'm never going to fit in and, as Depeche Mode once said, People Are People. They will never change, nor will I. C'est la vie. Focus on what makes you happy and move on.

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Katatonic
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27 Jul 2011, 3:19 pm

purchase wrote:

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:

Agreed. I'd suggest San Francisco. You could walk around wearing zebra print spandex pants, a bright pink poncho and a Koala mask and no one is going to stop to take notice of you (and if they do, they're a tourist. They're easy to spot. Just look for the idiots holding either a map or constantly pointing their finger). Its San Francisco. They expect you to be weird. :wink:

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SammichEater
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27 Jul 2011, 4:50 pm

Callista wrote:

As long as you are communicating effectively when you need to, treating people with respect, and staying safe, you should be allowed to be as eccentric as you want to be.

That right there is the hard part. :lol:

*from a neurotypical point of view, at least.

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27 Jul 2011, 5:53 pm

Sparhawke wrote:

I'm sorry you were attacked here.

I didnt read your mentioned thread, but many here including myself can be abrasive.

I see your 4 days old on WP! Give it some time, if you want to stay around and read about aspergers syndrome.

When I first came here I was very conscious of the conflicts on WP

Doesnt matter where you go, people are always bickering.

My advice would be to HTFU. Earth life is tough, the weak go down, make yourself strong. Staying soft and gentle is nice, but many will see your soft underbelly and the temptation is too strong to inflate their egos by scoring points off you.

Also log off if your time on WP is causing you problems. It can get intense!

As we say in New Zealand- Kia kaha- stand strong

Often here its just a bunch of aspies with poor social skills, misinterpreting each other, and having handbags at 12noon fights in the coral

Many WP members only stay a short time, so dont get worked up over if you stay or not

It means nothing really

em_tsuj
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27 Jul 2011, 8:50 pm

Don't try to fit in. Try is the key word. Stop trying so hard. You don't fit in and never will. That does not mean you cannot be loved and accepted. If you stop trying, you won't be tired and frustrated.

Sparhawke
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28 Jul 2011, 11:32 am

Surfman wrote:

Sparhawke wrote:

But I do not ever have problems on forums, forums I can handle and have a far greater ability to control and figure out than NTs in real life lol

Don't mind me anyways, I was just at the end of my tether for a short while...it is like constant attack, attack, attack for no good reason sometimes and any defence always seems to bring the neutral parties on the attack too, and when you live in a tiny town full of super-opinionated a**holes there is no possible breathing space lol

Christopherwillson
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17 Sep 2011, 1:57 pm

they don't understand me and i don't understand them either, that's the relationship i have with most people and i'm fine with that
you really shouldn't mind about other people, screw them really.

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17 Sep 2011, 9:11 pm

It's better to be yourself and have a few good friends, than it is to try to hide who you are in order to have 100 fake friends.

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cyberdad
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17 Sep 2011, 9:37 pm

Agree with the spirit of defiance to be pressured to conform in the NT world.

However school is a dangerous place to be different. Both physical and psychological scars can last a lifetime.

Secondly the work place demands all manner of conforming, you only have to one flaw and your colleagues or boss will undermine you eventually.

Pride in being autistic is OK but being prepared for the outside world means the ability to adapt is crucial.

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