I learned something new about my family

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and people in general, from my experiences.


First of all, several weeks ago I asked my Uncle a question about a song I heard over the radio at work--seeing as he used to be a DJ--and is now station manager of a major station in Tennessee. His response to me was very condescending, childish, and pretty much amounted to little more than bashing the decade of the song in question. I brought this up several days later to my Aunt on the phone, and her response all but amounted to "he can dish it, but he can't take it"

Now, I'd like to note that my Dad is currently very sick with a rare form of blood cancer. No, I'm not saying this to get sympathy or anything like that. It's just important regards to what I'm about to say:

My Uncle and Aunt asked me to call them over the weekend just to check in, see how everything was.

Since I got off at 8 on Sunday, upon getting home, I gave 'em a buzz.


It was a decent chat. Y'know, the typical "how's it going; are you doing ok" etc.


Well, several times over they've asked me if I'd be going out to NJ to see my Dad( his brother asked him to come to him so he could watch over him; all that), and I told them I really couldn't afford to do so--even if I could my focus right now really does have to be here, on my financial situation, my job, my business, etc. I did tell them though also that I'm hoping to have a Welcome Home present ready for my Dad, and that I'm hoping that the my room-mate, his girlfriend, my girlfriend, and I can all chip in for a holiday/birthday/get well present for him.

But y'know? What I kept thinking about earlier yesterday was how they asked me several times over....as if to having no real concept of the idea of someone actually being--y'know--broke. Almost like despite what they keep telling me about how "everyone has to go thru these things all at once when they're an adult"...I don't think they have any clue what my situation is like.

I'm strongly under the impression that even thru most of early adulthood, my grandparents--and the parents of those that my relatives married-- did in fact help 'em out when they needed it, and at the time they were in the position where they totally could. As a reminder, my parents and I were really the only ones in our family in pretty much terrible financial shape the whole time.

Really, there was never a point where they understood what it meant to be struggling, and fighting to be financially independent; their mommies and daddies forked over the cash til they were financially independent.

And when I think about it...it really does explain why I think my Uncle Mike was talking to me that one time like a child( when he bashed the music scene of the '80s), and why my Aunt semi-defended this; technically, they are in several aspects. Yes, you can be in your 50s, and still be a child.

But here's the real kicker: now I also understand so well why I had such a hard time getting out of my depression from my late teens-early to mid 20s. How can I expect grown-up children to offer me inspiring ideas? I can't. Of course I got better dating advice in 5 minutes from one of my former co-workers out here than I ever got in 10 previous years; I was asking people with the minds of children.

Do I hate my family for it? How can I hate them for it? I think it's sad and utterly pathetic, but that's a feeling towards others I'm kinda used to at this point. Hey, whatever works for them, right? Decent people, just really childish.

So why am I bringing this up to you folks? Next time you feel lousy about your social skills around most people, also consider the type of people you're trying to impress. I don't care how high their status is. People are more than happy to look up to grown-up children.

I want to remind you that these are people who assisted in pressuring my mom not to think for herself, but just to follow the crowd.

So, just remember that.

No need to hate yourselves for being different; you can use it to your advantage if you want to. Those your trying to impress may not really deserve it.

Very nice post. I think you have presented many insightful views.

There indeed are two types of broke.

Broke as in "I literally have no money....except possibly some change under the couch cushions, or maybe not even that," and "broke" as in "I don't care enough about x to spend the money I'm saving for christmas on it."

That is totally apt. Many times our parents simply do not have the perspective or knowledge to help us when we are young children or young adults.

My Mum, to this day, doesn't believe in depression. My Father was depressed, but it was I that worked that out for myself, and my Mum only mentioned it after he died, which wasn't very helpful. My Mum hasn't dealt with her own depression. My Dad was disabled and there is a fair amount of co-dependancy in my close family as a result.

And I learnt all this before suspecting I have aspergers.

My Mum always has mocked/critisized me for "being autistic". In her context this was cruel. She uses it to emotionally manipulate when she's upset, as she is very needy. I believe anybody would shrink away from a needy persons' demands on them. I'm glad that ignorance protected me. My Mother treats me like I'm a child, incapable and disabled, even though there is plenty or eveidence to the contrary! (Remember she doesn't know I've self-diagnosed as Aspergers). But my Mum treats me that way because of her issues. She is afraid of loss, and cannot stop "thinking of other people" as her main aim in life. It isn't healthy, and I have grown up in this unhealthy environment.

People say co-dependancy is good intentions gone slightly awry. I don't know how to explain saying something cruel to someone though.. I wouldn't say that was a good intention gone awry!

I have self-helped since after my suicide attempt at 15. And I'm glad I have. It has been a long journey, but it's just as well that I didn't find out about myself until now, otherwise I may not have my Son with me, because I would have naturally and unessasarily given up my child to my family, who aren't right, they are interfering, needy, and out-of-order! Phew!

I don't think it's all the fault of being on the Autistic Spectrum that we don't see these things immediately, as many NT's are always saying that it wasn't until they grew up and got out in the world and met other people that they seen their childhood from a greater distance and are more able to distinguish between themselves and others.

Our families can only teach us what they know. And they can only support us in the ways they believe are the best ways to do so.

I have taken responsibility for my own happiness and sanity for the last 19 years and I have done a bloomin' good job of it considering! If we look at what we achieve every day and over the years we wouldn't be so down on ourselves. It's not what we lack, it's what we're making it. And lessons and experience comes over time..