Is this type of egoism normal with aspies?

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Im wondering if people with aspergers are like friend 2 in this scenario?

So, two friends are hanging out at a third party though the host is occupied so we can ignore him. Lets call them Mike and Todd. Its getting late and Mike needs to get home very soon because of obvious reasons while Todd(who has no car) wants to watch a movie since he has nothing going on the next day. Todd understands Mikes's situation but since Todds "problem" does not affect him he somewhat ignores it because he dosen't want to leave yet. Mike is weaker than Todd which Todd knows and use this to his advantage. Mike cowardly voices his conserns but Todd just claim that he worries to much. They end up watching something that lasts for 1 hour instead of a full lenght movie. Mike might think that its a win win situation since they seemingly met half way but since he was weak, he stayed an hour longer than he would have if he just had the balls to say no.

Is Todds behaviour typical for people with asperger's?

It's typical for... people, pretty much. Everyone has their own desires and wants to fulfill them, and eventually people meet in the middle. This sounds like quite a normal scenario.

You could have saved some typing time by asking if aspies are more selfish than NT's. And my answer to that is no. If they seem more selfish, it's because they haven't learned how to disguise their selfishness with silver tongues and passive aggressive behaviors.

All Mike had to do was show Todd the car keys proclaiming, "I'm leaving. Bye!" Then walk out the door. Parents handle little kids that way and it seems to work.

As for the Asperger's question, it's hard to know based on one measley anecdote.

No. However, it also depends on whether this kind of behavior occurs more often and how strong are Mike's social needs. If he's the social type, he might tend to yield. If he's an independent loner (but i don't think he is, since he's hanging out at parties,) he would make a point and just leave.

This.

Its easier not to be selfish when life is going well for you. Discriminated aspies would need more resources for themselves, and their crushed egos, emotional distress and loneliness.

A narrow NT society that denies its autistic population rightful place is probably the most perverse egotistical expression, as it reduces difference in others to the realm of disability.

Caesar's ugly mob has a pretty big ego, kinda like Australians

They were hanging out at a third party, in other words a third friend. I don't understands how Mike's social needs has anything to do with Todd's lack of consideration for Mike's feelings.

Edit; I noticed my post seemed alittle hostile. I assure you its not.

Last edited by extractor on 13 Sep 2011, 7:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yes, though sadly not everyone is confident enough to stand up for themselves. :/

As for the Asperger's question. The way i see it, Mike is ofcourse in the right here. Not only because its his car but he also has a reason to follow the daily rutine. He has to get up early for work though staying up longer can make the next day difficult for him. Todd does know this but ignores it because he does not care. Its not the worst type of scenario but its still alittle bad behaviour from Todd imo and shows some signs of empathy difficulties. As i understand it a person with asperger's has no empathy because he is unable to understand the issue people have, not because he totally lack it. If he understood it he would feel bad and change his behaviour, no?

Imo i needed to use this scenario because of the different types of egoism. One being selfserving/uncaring and the other being ignorant.

I agree. It's an incredibly common scenario. The presence or absence of Asperger's Syndrome really has nothing to do with it. I've been both the Mike character and the Todd character in the scenario many times. I've also been the third party character, witnessing other people do this. After 20 years of marriage, my husband and I have worked out an agreement where we take turns being the Mike or Todd character (though of course we don't call it that). A true problem only arises when it is always one person who gets things their way and never the other person.

I'm usually Mike. The only times I've come close to being Todd was out of ignorance. Finding out that I'd been committing selfishness on such an epic level consumes me with embarrassment.

Sadly this is the case with Todd and Mike.

Todd on the other hand does not seem to get embarrassed unless a third party confronts him about it and then its more like he cares only because he looks bad. If confronted he gets defensive/evasive or he might actually deny the whole thing or play dumb.

How do you know Todd's thought processes? Many times, situations like that will happen with Aspies, but for different reasons. If Todd had Asperger's Syndrome, and he did things like that often, then probably most of the time he would not understand that Mike wanted to leave because Mike wasn't direct enough (in Mike's case, probably out of fear of Todd). If someone asks someone with Asperger's Syndrome if they can leave now (or if they want to leave now), the person with Aspgerger's Syndrome might not understand that the person really wants, and needs, to LEAVE NOW. A lot of times, people with Asperger's Syndrome are confused about situations like this, but the NTs don't understand, and they assume that the Aspies knew what they were doing. In a way, it's like personification in that NTs ascribe NT thought processes to Aspies.

There is a chance that, even as an Aspie, Todd knew that he was being mean and did it anyway, but that is not "normal with Aspies".

If, on the other hand, Todd wasn't an Aspie, he may or may not have known what he was doing, and you should talk to him about it.