I want to be happy for them, not jealous of them...

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If this is in the wrong section or something I apologize. I seem to have problems navigating this forum for some reason.

I'm trying not to be too specific because I'm paranoid after seeing articles quoting posts from WP. Here's my situation though. I have a lot of younger family members (many within about a 10 year age range as me). Growing up I was together. I was always considered very smart, I organized games, etc to amuse them as kids and was just always about keeping them happy and occupied. Then I hit HS & became severely depressed because of how I was treated. Since then I withdrew from a lot of them. The ones that I do occasionally see sometimes make snide remarks or chuckle or something & I know it's cuz they've all bypassed me.

They could never imagine how I tried to get my driver's license for years & a big problem with that was dealing with the people at the DMV. They could never understand how I wish I were like them. I'm so jealous that they all keep passing me by. Growing up everyone told me I was so smart (good grades, high reading level, etc) but my whole life I just flounder & fail. Meanwhile all of these people in my family (& I do love them, I'm not trying to put them down) but they were never book smart. They failed things left and right, dropped out of programs, etc but they are good with people. So now they have all been keeping down jobs for extended periods of time and even becoming the managers of local places. Meanwhile I have to get up my courage just to leave my house most of the time.

Now I hear that a bunch of them are about to go into college. That's what I was supposed to do. I hate that I'm not happy for people I love, so much as jealous & confused about why that can't be me. I used to apply to colleges/tech schools every year but when the time came around I'd have panic attacks & then not be able to go. Then I tried a distance education program but I failed at that. It was so much science (which I don't understand and didn't anticipate). Plus my memory is bad. So I feel like deep down I could never hack it school wise but that is still in me somewhere that I desperately wish I could.

I have a few online friends who are into their school stuff as well as a sibling who went back after her kids were older & it even makes it hard to talk to them because I'm so desperately jealous. I just wish that no one had ever put all of those expectations on me as a child. For years, parents, teachers, etc. it was just assumed.

I don't know what the point of this was except for venting. I can't put it anywhere else online because there are people on every site that I use who are in school and I don't want them to hate me.

Are you saying you feel jealous of younger family members for becoming ahead of you?

I feel this way too. I've even had outbursts because of it. I have 12 cousins, and when I was a child, I was very close to practically all of my cousins because they were all around my age, well, except for one, who is only 10. But I just feel unwanted, because they are all NTs, and my 19-year-old cousin would rather spend time with my 10-year-old cousin (when she comes over) than to spend time with me, and I'm only 2 years older than she is. So it goes to show how boring I am compared to a 10-year-old boy. I get really jealous, and horribly jealous at times. Mostly I get jealous because they're all NTs and have always had a lot more friends than I ever did, and I just felt lonely all the time.

I remember when I was 16, my 12-year-old cousin sat there texting a boyfriend, and I just sat there waiting for her to finish, and thinking that I've never had a boyfriend before and my cousin was only 12 and was already texting a boyfriend. My mum always said it isn't a proper relationship and she's only a kid, but kid or no kid, it's still a boyfriend, and it still makes you feel popular and liked, and it's still better than nothing. Also it does the child good to experience little lovelives with other children of the opposite sex. It gives them a headstart in life and what to expect. No me, however. I've just got to go through adulthood having to figure everything out all at once.

So yes, I know how you feel. Unfortunately I can't offer any advice, since I don't know how to feel about it either, but knowing somebody understands also helps.

I feel that I am being left behind. I am 30 and everyone around me is starting to make a success of a career whereas I am still temping in very low level jobs and in fact now earning less than before and feel depressed. I have a PhD and just about held it together until my degree/PhD but have been working in temporary admin jobs through an agency for 4 years.
I have got married but that took 10 years as didn't feel ready (still not convinced but did it anyway). I think emotionally I am somewhere in my early to mid 20s.
The latest thing is that everyone I know is having kids and there is a new pregnancy every few weeks, even people who weren't that keen on kids.
I feel stuck as I've not got into a career yet, not worked out what makes me happy and not at a stage to have kids and yet if I am going to I wouldn't want to be much older thinking of my age relative to a child's.

I get quite upset when I hear someone has a new job or pregnancy and can't be happy for them.

Yes, I know how you feel. I quite vividly remember when my 16 year old brother got his driver's liscence when he was 16 and I was 19. When I was 16, I thought I'd be mortified if my little brother got his liscence before me, but by the time I was 19, I had pretty well accepted it was going to happen. I used to have a lot of trouble with this when I was younger, but now at 27, I'm much better at just seeing my life as something I need to do at my own pace and not comparing myself to my siblings. We're just too different to compare. (I still have trouble comparing myself to my peers though sometimes. So I try to stay away from most of them, ha.)

I just wanted to say thanks for reading this & commiserating with me. I would have posted sooner but I had deadlines on stuff & when I get on here I get sucked in and want to read a bunch of threads.

Hi.
I have noticed that my siblings are far advanced compared to me.
Mostly in terms of career, relationships, friends, assets and so on.
They all seem so confident and organised.
In comparison, I am anti-social, not cool, definitely grumpy, and poor.
I have two children, a university degree, and.... well that's about it.

My parents keep photos of their children on the wall.
The photos of my sister and three brothers are recent.
The photo of me is at age 7.
I presume that this is the age I was before I became an embarrassment to them.

Now (aged 30) I have retrained and started a "real" career in mechanical engineering/machining.
This is a completely new field to me, and very hard work, physically and socially. To enter this career I have had to move city and leave my children to live with their father.
I decided to push myself out "into the world" after I found out I was AS.
Even though my choices are unconventional (for a girl), I find that I have to do what I am suited to because this is the only thing that works.

Other people's expectations can be hard to overcome.
Social anxiety can be hard to overcome.
But keep trying to find a niche in the world that suits you.

So, we are at the very heart of the problem here having ASD, I think. Needless to say, I can relate to all of you. Although somehow I managed to have an acceptably good career, and I hope it would last, I'm a failure when it comes to family, wife and kids. The expectations from me were/are much higher than what I achieved yet. Everyone in my acquaintance have kids or at least their mate is pregnant, the only exceptions are when there is a medical problem.

On the positive side, there's more than usual NT stuff to do, really. If you can channel your jealousy or turn it into positive thinking, setting up aims in your life to achieve, and be less hard on yourself, more forgiving because you have a condition, and anyway, not everybody is similar and you don't have to live a life of NT's if you don't want to. Not at all easy for them as well, I can see it, look behind the curtains!

I suggest try to overcome your panic attacks somehow, and finish the collage or tech school you want, try to think of which school would help you the best in finding a good job you want. I have an acquaintance who has panic attacks and is on medication with very good result (the first med prescribed was not good for her, she had to try another one).