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Ai_Ling
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13 Sep 2011, 7:32 pm

So with meltdowns, I've gotten really confused. I used to think a meltdown is like a emotional breakdown for me. When ever I cried, that was a meltdown. But I dont think thats the case. I read more, meltdowns are really a sense of a lost of control. Whenever I cry, it doesnt mean Im loosing control. I learned to suck it up and go on with what Im doing.

What I suspect is a meltdown for me is:

A depressive mental breakdown which is the worst of the worst for me
Heres what happen the last time this happen:
1) I could feel depression slowly climbing over me
2) I cried for 4 hours
3) I couldnt sleep, no amount of tired physical exhaustion could send me to sleep
4) I had ever negative thought entering my head
5) I was shaking at times
6) I got up alot and paced around
7) I attempted to work out for 10 min, nearly collapsed, then stumbled back to my room.
8) Came 7:30, no sleep at all, I finally got up and was walking around in this depressive, sleepless, dead like state. My face was practically frozen.

Somehow I recovered, skipped my 1st class, rested. Got over the "meltdown" stage. Went into a fairly depressive state for the next few days. So the part that was the actual meltdown lasted 9 hrs.

This happens to me 1x a year. Its the most horrible state, I can ever be in. Is this a meltdown?

Edit #1: I do appreciate your comments, anecdotal feedback. But Id like someone to answer if my description above counts as a meltdown?



Last edited by Ai_Ling on 14 Sep 2011, 12:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Sep 2011, 7:39 pm

It's a real intense scene you can't stop even if you want to. Mine involved tears and yelling. Often repeating the same thing over and over while crying. Could go on for hours even though my skin on my face was stinging, my eyes were swollen practically shut and I wanted to stop but I just went on and on in perseveration. The repetition just fed the meltdown response so it prolonged it until I was exhausted. Then I would go to sleep.

My meltdowns centered around a deep dissatisfaction with location. I always wanted to be moving on and living in other places. I felt like I was missing out on so much. I've always dreamed about NYC and California and wanted to be there. It's idealism and "grass is always greener" thinking but I still do it. It's also about the Autism/wandering connection.



Tuttle
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13 Sep 2011, 8:31 pm

I tend to think of meltdowns as mental or emotional breakdowns to the point of lack of control. For me, these can be more rage-like, based off of anger or fear for someone else, or more depressive-like based off of sadness or hopelessness, as well as sometimes just a feeling of a complete lack of control or fear for myself (which doesn't seem to go into either the rage or depressive category for me).

Rage meltdowns include a situation where I was screaming at someone about how he'd hurt someone, to the point where I could not control what I was saying, and to the point where by the next day I had no memory of the details of what I said.

Depressive meltdowns include lots of crying, talking very negatively about myself, questioning why nobody cares about me, throwing clothing or pillows, and such.

The last category I find hardest to explain, as that is by far the rarest, and it usually goes to shutdown instead of meltdown.



Chronos
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13 Sep 2011, 8:43 pm

I'm sure it's subjective, but generally, with respect to AS I would classify it as an unusually intense negative reaction to an admittedly minor issue.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Sep 2011, 10:26 pm

Tuttle wrote:
I tend to think of meltdowns as mental or emotional breakdowns to the point of lack of control. For me, these can be more rage-like, based off of anger or fear for someone else, or more depressive-like based off of sadness or hopelessness, as well as sometimes just a feeling of a complete lack of control or fear for myself (which doesn't seem to go into either the rage or depressive category for me).

Rage meltdowns include a situation where I was screaming at someone about how he'd hurt someone, to the point where I could not control what I was saying, and to the point where by the next day I had no memory of the details of what I said.

Depressive meltdowns include lots of crying, talking very negatively about myself, questioning why nobody cares about me, throwing clothing or pillows, and such.

The last category I find hardest to explain, as that is by far the rarest, and it usually goes to shutdown instead of meltdown.

I've had those kind of meltdowns too, mostly while I was still in school.



pensieve
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13 Sep 2011, 10:35 pm

It starts with anger, steadily building. When I feel it like a fog of anger in my head I know I'll have to get control of it quick. Then it comes out as an outburst of snapping, screaming, accusing and kicking or throwing things.

When I hold it in I begin to have shallow breathing, tics, tremors, a sicken feeling and eventually a shutdown.


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Tuttle
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13 Sep 2011, 10:46 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Tuttle wrote:
I tend to think of meltdowns as mental or emotional breakdowns to the point of lack of control. For me, these can be more rage-like, based off of anger or fear for someone else, or more depressive-like based off of sadness or hopelessness, as well as sometimes just a feeling of a complete lack of control or fear for myself (which doesn't seem to go into either the rage or depressive category for me).

Rage meltdowns include a situation where I was screaming at someone about how he'd hurt someone, to the point where I could not control what I was saying, and to the point where by the next day I had no memory of the details of what I said.

Depressive meltdowns include lots of crying, talking very negatively about myself, questioning why nobody cares about me, throwing clothing or pillows, and such.

The last category I find hardest to explain, as that is by far the rarest, and it usually goes to shutdown instead of meltdown.


I've had those kind of meltdowns too, mostly while I was still in school.


Interesting that for you it was mostly while you were still in school - for me they've gotten drastically more common after I graduated.

pensieve wrote:

When I hold it in I begin to have shallow breathing, tics, tremors, a sicken feeling and eventually a shutdown.


I personally can't understand the idea of holding in a meltdown. Being able to notice before it hits meltdown point that it might happen and get out of the situation to somewhere where its less problematic and less stimulating, yes, but holding it in, I can't fathom the concept. For me if I can hold it in its not a meltdown, only emotions that would be better to let out than to hold in - meltdowns are only when I can't control that and can't hold it in - it will come out anyways.

However, I've not done much research into what people consider meltdowns.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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13 Sep 2011, 10:50 pm

Tuttle wrote:
Interesting that for you it was mostly while you were still in school - for me they've gotten drastically more common after I graduated.

The reason I had so many back then was my unpopularity and I had to deal with it everyday so I would meltdown at home. That and the stress of schoolwork. I felt lost and adrift, totally isolated. It was too much for me to deal with it so I would cry at my mom and insist on leaving when I got home or I would tell her I was never ever going back and she would threaten to send me to a mental hospital so I settled down because the thought of that terrified me worse than going to school.

After I left school, I was no longer in the middle of all that stress so meltdowns subsided over the years since then substantially.



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13 Sep 2011, 11:03 pm

Chronos wrote:
I would classify it as an unusually intense negative reaction to an admittedly minor issue.


Yes, even worse than the meltdowns themselves are the stupid reasons why I had the meltdowns. I understand the ones triggered by sensory overloads and miscommunications, but the sudden inane ones triggered by minor issues, usually unanticipated mismatches between what was expected and what has transpired, are horribly cringeworthy afterwards. I would rather not have these types of meltdowns, but they are hard, or possibly impossible, to control. In another thread, I mentioned that there are some meltdowns that I don't even know I'm having when I'm having them, and I think that these meltdowns have the most trivial triggers.



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14 Sep 2011, 12:10 am

You hold them in once people start to yell at you for having them.


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Ai_Ling
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14 Sep 2011, 12:55 am

You guys comments are interesting. For me, if a meltdown is truely loosing control. That means the only times I ever have meltdowns is when something really horrible has happen. Its the feeling like, I cant take it. Its a large, all encompassing swallowing sadness. I dont get meltdowns over small triggers. I get minor breakdowns admittedly.



Tuttle
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14 Sep 2011, 1:48 am

pensieve wrote:
You hold them in once people start to yell at you for having them.


This assumes that those of us who can't hold them in haven't had people yell at us over them.

We all will have different reactions, for sure, but for me, my meltdowns are not controllable. It doesn't matter whether people have hurt me bad enough because of my meltdowns that I am physically and emotionally uncomfortable even hearing their voice, that's not given me control over mine.

You might have more control than I do. I'm sure some people do. I might have more control at some other point in time. But for me, at least now, the concept of controlling a meltdown doesn't make sense. Whether it'll be a shutdown or meltdown cannot be an active decision on my part.



Aprilviolets
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14 Sep 2011, 2:00 am

It could be different for a lot of people, when I have a meltdown I usually start screaming and yelling then I just shutdown and don't talk to the person for a while.

I haven't had them as much since I've been on zoloft as I have depression as well.



OJani
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14 Sep 2011, 3:23 am

btbnnyr wrote:
Chronos wrote:
I would classify it as an unusually intense negative reaction to an admittedly minor issue.


Yes, even worse than the meltdowns themselves are the stupid reasons why I had the meltdowns. I understand the ones triggered by sensory overloads and miscommunications, but the sudden inane ones triggered by minor issues, usually unanticipated mismatches between what was expected and what has transpired, are horribly cringeworthy afterwards. I would rather not have these types of meltdowns, but they are hard, or possibly impossible, to control. In another thread, I mentioned that there are some meltdowns that I don't even know I'm having when I'm having them, and I think that these meltdowns have the most trivial triggers.

What I consider a meltdown in my case is usually triggered by miscommunication and/or minor issues, exactly as your wrote, and it takes the form of emotional outbursts/rage/screaming/yelling. These minor issues can be mismatches between what was expected and what has transpired, again exactly as you wrote. This later can send me in a meltdown that looks very similar to the videos on youtube.

Usually I have a slight control of the intensity of my meltdowns, but not always. The more intense the feeling, the less control I have. I'm sure that accumulated stress and anxiety in general adds much to the likelihood of the occurrence of a meltdown, but I fail to see direct connection between them, too many factors.

Sometimes I just raise my voice and say unsolicited rude or blunt words just because my feelings reach a level and spill out, often with the intention to correct others. They are not meltdowns but may have similar workings.

I think I had more meltdowns after I moved out from my parents, and it took a decade to reduce their frequency to once per month, although it may vary.



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14 Sep 2011, 3:45 am

I have always thought a meltdown was crying and can't calm down. But I learned meltdown can be all sort of things. When I feel a meltdown coming and try to control it, I start to stim like crazy, I either pace or rock back and forth. I was told that is a form of one and my husband thinks me screaming at him is a meltdown. I guess having an outburst or yelling at someone can be a meltdown.

I tend to say very hurtful things when I am upset and I don't even realize it and I literally forget I even said it. I suppose that is a meltdown.

My meltdowns have always been with crying and screaming. It comes from the stress and frustration and the anxiety that builds up. Even a sensory overload can give me one if I am forced in it and it doesn't stop.

I also feel shutdowns where I feel I can't do it anymore so I give up and walk away. Better than having a meltdown.



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14 Sep 2011, 12:18 pm

My definition of a meltdown is an intense negative emotional reaction that you cannot control.

Regarding whether you can 'hold in' a meltdown, I'd say if you can hold it in, it's not a meltdown. A meltdown is something you can't control. You may have influence over what type of meltdown you have (eg I can sometimes choose whether to yell and scream or become very unresponsive) but when you're feeling that intensity of emotion, something has to happen. I strongly believe that pretty much anyone can be driven to the point of meltdown with enough provocation, but what kind and how much provocation varies from person to person.

Meltdowns can involve sadness, fear, anger, or some combination of those three. The behavioral sign is a dramatic change from normal behavior. There are two main subtypes - one is where mostly the outward behavior is highly emotional, 'acting out' stuff like crying, yelling, aggression or self-injury, etc; and the other kind is where the outward behavior is an extreme lack of certain behaviors, such as catatonic-style behaviors like not speaking, limited movement, loss of abilities, etc.