Problems when friends disagree

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I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem. I don't know if it's AS related or not. I have a really hard time coping when people I like and respect hold different views on topics that are really important to me. For example, say I have a friend and we're having a conversation and it leads to a topic like LGBT rights. Say my friend reveals that they don't support the repeal of DOMA. I have a very hard time accepting that. It's not that I have a hard time accepting that people might disagree with me, but I have a hard time accepting that I have befriended such a person. Now, I'm not asking if this is okay or right, but does anyone else struggle with this?

I had a lot of problems like this in the past, and I basically had to let go of politics. It had become an obsession for me. I don't know the solution, but basically it has been to not let anyone discuss politics around me.

I sometimes have problems integrating that friends and others I respect hold opinions different than mine.

I have gotten over this by remembering that people are very multi-faceted and complex. There will be small parts of everyone's personality/beliefs that will not be in sync with my own. I recognize this and respect the differences.

For subjects that are very, very dear to me (adequate funding at public school for children with special needs; health care funding, etc), I ask people close to me who vehemently disagree with my way to keep these subjects verbotem (i.e. not discuss them in my presence) out of respect for myself and my family. Likewise - I will not bring up the subject in front of them and keep my activism separate from these relationships out of respect to them.

I tend to build up lists of things I don't like and go off that person or start questioning why I am still friends. I can get quite upset and argumentative or silent and resentful if someone disagrees with me. It tends to be smaller things. I really struggle to try and ignore them or I would have no friends probably.

It helps to remember that hardly anybody has the power to make any difference, whatever their beliefs are. So their wishes are all in their heads, and won't be fulfilled.

I find it difficult to accept some beliefs though. Particularly if they involve a cruel or uncaring attitude to ordinary people or to other animals. For anything else, it doesn't usually bother me, except that I tend to imagine they'll dislike me for not feeling the way they do.

I agree it's not a very productive attitude. I'm definitely not saying everyone should agree with me on everything or that it's reasonable to expect they will. I know they won't. I think I mostly feel like I've failed to judge their character correctly and it's disappointing, if that makes any sense. I take it personal because I personally chose them as friends. It's not a rational or useful feeling at all.

You're probably right that I should just avoid certain topics, but it isn't always that black and white either. Plus, I have this (I'm sure annoying) habit of just coming right out with how I feel on things like abortion, gay rights, childfreedom, etc. because it feels more authentic if I say where I stand. I'll have to think about this some more, I think.

I avoid certain topics. I avoid all politics and religion. Problem solved and lot of people have issues in this area where someone disagrees with them. It even ruins friendships too when people let different opinions get to them. Lot of people are pretty much black and white in it. They have a hard time accept different views and feel attacked when someone doesn't agree with their views. So it's always best to avoid them.


Sometimes there are certain things I do not discuss that aren't politics or religion but if it brings out strong feelings and if I have a strong opinion about something, I don't talk about it ever. Because then I get very upset and start screaming when someone doesn't agree with me. I then feel that person is stupid and doesn't get it.

Last edited by League_Girl on 22 Sep 2011, 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Unfortunately, these are all topics I actually enjoy talking about.


I know what you mean about feeling the person is stupid. That's hard to handle because I feel like these people are actually intelligent people who have allowed themselves to have a stupid opinion and it makes me sad.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who has this problem.

I take it that those are your obsessions. There is a solution to that problem. Go join the politics and religion forums. That way you can talk about it. We also have the politics and religion section here too.

Now you wouldn't have to worry about friends disagreeing with you because all of those people just be people on a forum, strangers and acquaintances.

IMO, people are more important than ideas. It's amazing how, if you can agree to disagree and still be friends, how many people will make you an exception to their views that are different from yours. Sometimes you can change another person's mind and sometimes they can change yours; it doesn't happen often but it does happen. However, even if you remain opposed you can still be friends, depending on the person.

It does definitely depend on the person, but no matter who it is, certain things WILL affect how close I can be with someone. I have lots of friends that have different religious beliefs and that doesn't bother me much. However a pro-lifer doesn't really have a chance at being much more than a casual acquaintance. IMO, people are less important than idea. People come and go and don't define who I am in any way. My ideas are who I am. They mean more to me than people and I'm comfortable letting people go if it becomes a real problem.