Unusual obsessive fears?

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For a long time, I've been obsessed with the topic of permanent mental decline. These fears, I think, rose in part because my brother is profoundly ret*d due to surgical complications during open heart surgery at birth, and I always feared deteriorating to that state or eventually becoming like him. Then, I came across a book called Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes and I absolutely adored the book but I think it probably intensified my regression fears.

Schizophrenia is one such disease that could cause such a regression and I recognize I have some of the characteristics that could predispose me to it. I have a teenage history of something like Avoidant Personality Disorder, I tend to be paranoid, my memory access speeds seems to be below average (A given memory takes my peers .5 seconds to process while it takes me 3 seconds), and I seem to have a harder time concentrating than my peers, despite my pretty high tested IQ and a really good memory according to that universal memory test online. I've also been widely considered 'strange' in the past and accusations of strangeness have been picking up in frequency in the recent past and it's been commented many times that my thoughts appear confused when describing more complex matters. I also, admittedly, think of rather strange things though it's nothing but something entertaining to speculate about. Like, for example, the possibility of being inside a virtual reality simulation on an alien's computer. Or the possibility of a space-time portal suddenly transporting one from this reality to a very strange alternate reality and then back again.

I've also started a test design effort to detect the presence of the disease here:The Schizophrenia Test Design Thread

I wonder, are these kind of obsessive fears characteristic of aspergers or is it characteristic of something else? Like OCD? Thanks for all your insight!

Also, another recent obsessive fear was being obsessed with the possibility of having autism. That scared the hell out of me because it almost seemed quite possible!

OMG! I do have autism! Its not that scary.


I think its common for those of us with AS to worry incessantly about things that could go wrong, so we can try to be mentally prepared just in case.

Since sudden changes and unexpected developments can really throw us for a psychological loop, I don't know that those worries are as much irrational or obsessive as they are just unnecessary anxiety over things that probably won't ever happen. OTOH, if I didn't at least prepare myself for a worst-case-scenario and it did happen, I would probably be totally incapacitated, have a complete meltdown and become catatonic.

I totally relate! my fear is becoming braindead, or having a stroke..

it got worse when that happened to my brother.. that happened to him over the summer .. he had a stroke and became braindead, then died.

so yeah, it definitely freaked me out.

It comes as a complete surprise to me that im still alive. When i was growing up i could never see my life beyond 16. Just in general ive always seen myself dying young.

http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjour ... 9.full.pdf


Looks like a good paper on Simple Schizophrenia. ^

It has IQ regression stats, I know you posted yours at 3 standard deviations off the WAIS at one time, and this a good baseline. If it does decline then you're on to something. I always believe it when a person intuits or vibes these things. You can sense something on the horizon.

I only know of my grandmother's slide into the "paranoid" twin, but I don't believe it affected her IQ though, sw. She could drive a car as before, and figure it out if you are teasing or not with her. Read body language well, when not psyhchotic. The only cognitive glitches came from ECT and Thorazine. ECT would erase memory, but it'd rally back with time. She would always stop the meds due to side effects, and then she'd have full cognition.

From what little I've read, there can be anomalies or disturbances with visual memory, Face blindness (" visual agnosias"). But as far as intellect goes, if there were any loss, it was near nil, at least in this case.

Yeh, I used to feel like this, and I still do now. When I had just turned 17, my cousin was going to be 16 in a couple of months, and I could not see him turning 16, as though something was trying to tell me that either I was going to die before his birthday or he was going to die before his birthday. It didn't happen - I'm 21 now and he's 20.

But in the last 2 months or so, I've developed an intense obsessive fear of death. I am so scared to die. I keep on imagining the government changing in the future and bringing back concentration camps and throwing me into one because I've got a disability, then being put in those ovens with loads of other people and then waiting to die within a few minutes, and I keep picturing what it's going to even feel like.....(it will feel like the air is getting hotter and thicker, and I'm still alive but a voice in my head keeps on saying, ''OK I'm not dead yet.....OK I'm not dead yet'', and I'm quietly panicking but know I can't escape so I just got to be calm and let myself die......
IT'S A HORRIBLE THOUGHT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Also I keep on having dreams where I'm waiting to die, like being on a boat and knowing it's going to sink in a few hours but there's no escape so we're all just waiting for the tragic death to happen, or where there's a nuclear bomb gone off and it's rapidly coming towards me and I'm just wanting it to hurry up and get to us but it's taking ages so I've got even longer to wait for the awful thing......

Yes, it's an obsessive fear. I thought my biggest obsessive fear was of people looking at me in the street and making me feel that I look different, but this obsessive fear of death has risen beyond it.

I sometimes worry that I have something on the schiz spectrum. I've realised that my schiz traits go away when I have the chance to de-stress - so I probably don't have it. I just have depression with occasional psychotic episodes brought on by stress. However, I can't smoke cannabis without having auditory hallucinations, which made me think I might have latent schizophrenia, but I doubt it. I think I need to tell the doctor just to have it ruled out. Maybe that's what you need to do.

I have fears that I might get Alziemer's disease or Dementia and lose my independence.

I really don't see how fear of losing brain functioning is unusual.

I do have some unusual fears - mostly in that I'm scared of being alone, not just emotionally alone, I'm scared of being physically alone. Not having someone I trust in a location whether or not others are with me is terrifying to me. (Amusingly enough, if its at home or such, then having cats is enough. At home, I can also make do with being on IRC).

Why this feels so odd is because I'm also scared of people.

Being kinder to your mind by doing only moderate mentally demanding tasks, eating better, supplements etc...could have a profound effect on deterioration of the brain.

Avoiding parasitic infection from pets, gardening in soils where pets defecate and undercooked meat may help, as would as consuming foods that promote peripheral circulation, cayenne, garlic etc

And of course exercise is very good for the brain

If I have an accident at home, ie 3-4weeks until someone found me.

or a paralizing condition ..body going and brain not

Ending up homeless.

Ditto, although my situation at current makes me think I'm at least 2 years away from homelessness, financially.

Another: Dying before making some kind of impact upon the world, or fulfilling my innermost dreams. That both terrifies and upsets me.

But, I happen to be very good at what I do, so I'm rather optimistic about the future.

How could an all-rounder in most fields of intellect - such as yourself - possibly wind up being homeless? Or is it due to complications attributed to AS? I hope that you're financial projections are inaccurate, at any rate.

Love the bunny pic, by the by. So cute as to be distracting.

For years I was almost agoraphobic due to a fear of a bee landing on the back of my neck. I don't know if phobias are part of being an Aspie, but I'm thinking that it is likely. I'll have to do some more research.

NTs have phobias too.