''He's Autistic - he ain't a proper friend!''

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Do you hate it when NTs say these kinds of things? Not sure if anyone here has had somebody saying something stupid like this about Autistic people, but I have. It seems that this NT who said this seems to believe that anyone with any disability aren't proper friends, and that you only have to have an average NT to be a proper friend.

I have an Autistic friend who I actually dated for a couple of months, then I finished with him because I didn't feel ready to have a relationship with boys yet (I was only 17 at the time). But the other day I was having a conversation with an NT about boyfriends, and I said, ''I've had a boyfriend before, he was Autistic'', and the NT was like, ''but he doesn't really count, he's just Autistic'', and that made me feel angry. It's as though she believed that Autistic people don't have real feelings or aren't real friends, and it really annoyed me because Autistics DO have feelings, and having an Autistic boy/girlfriend or just friend is just as much of a friend as having an NT boy/girlfriend or friend.

Has anyone else met an NT who believes that Autistic people (or people with other disabilities) aren't real friends? Did/does it make you angry?

No, it doesn't.

And of course, I was being sarcastic!

Meh, It's a vicious rumour that people with autism don't have feelings and don't make good friends. I have AS (close enough) and I do have some feelings, although I admit it's very hard to tell... and I am a crappy, crappy friend, but I still have friends that like me. Pest thing to do wit rumours is to say they're wrong and stop talking about them.

Oh no, all these 9 months with rabbit are a lie!! !!


I've never heard such silliness in my life.

They probably say that because they feel like those of us with AS/ASD are so desperate for friends or for a relationship that we will take anybody we can get, therefore we are up for grabs and it's just a "freebie" and not like a real friend or relationship that you have to work on or be worthy of to have.

Of course that's false, but you can't tell some people anything. They believe what they want to believe and go on.

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I have never gotten it from anyone. I remember when I was with my first ex, my mom was against him because he had problems in school and he barely graduated. I think he didn't have enough credits but his principal had him graduate anyway just to get rid of him so he wouldn't have to deal with him the following year. It bothered me because it was like she was against people with disabilities and she wanted me to be with normal people. But what if their own parents were telling them they need to have a normal girlfriend? So that is what I told her. It also seemed hypocritical because she was telling me I need to date normal men but yet there is me not "normal" and if she is against me dating abnormal men, why should she expect other men date me? She even didn't like the idea I was looking for men online because they weren't normal enough. But yet she approved of my husband.

Yes! And I hate it!

I also know people who believe that a friend of a different race isn't a real friend.

Got the perfect retort "You're ignorant- you ain't a proper person!"

I have never had an NT who was a proper friend. She has it backwards ;P.

as friend that is "real" any day over a nt friend that isn't. anyone can be fake, but to be real...you have to be real!

If someone says that, just say,

"You're a twat, so your opinion doesn't really count," or just give them a look that says "You're a moron and I'm not going to dignify that with a response".

Punch her in the eye.

That kind of response is just natural of some people. But I think an aspie can be a friend but not in the usual sense of the word.

No I haven't heard anybody say that myself, but when I was in a band with an Aspie and a NT a couple of years back, the NT told me that the show organiser had said we should ditch the Aspie because he was "way out on the spectrum." That Aspie is a very good keyboard player (can play any song in any key, almost instantly), he's 100% reliable about musical commitments, and doesn't seem to have an aggressive bone in his body. Our NT told the show organiser to piss off.

I gather that Maxine Aston is heavily into invalidating Aspies too. Kind of "oh well, if he's an Aspie then you're stuffed from the start." I wouldn't hesitate to take on an Aspie partner as long as my usual criteria are met reasonably well. Just knowing about their condition can work wonders for my tolerance when they seem aloof or insensitive. I'd rather put up with a bit of hurtful social ineptitude (which can usually be sorted out just by telling them how you feel about what they did and asking them to help) than the deliberate, mind-messing crap that so many other people dish out. That back-breaking Aspie honesty is so refreshing when you're used to liars and cheats, and the love Aspies can have (and show) somehow feels a lot deeper and more real to me.

It makes me feel sad rather than angry.

I see it happening with my nephew (it already has in many ways), and it's happened to me.