How can you tell that people are bored?

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swbluto
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01 Oct 2011, 7:06 am

I heard one of the defining characteristics of autism/apsergers is that autistic individuals have a problem telling when the listener is bored of what they're saying because apparently they don't effectively read their body language. How can you personally tell people are bored?

I personally can tell that people think I'm boring when they start yawning after talking to me. I think that's probably an obvious sign, though, and there are subtler signs of disinterest that people use to tell, and I don't know if I'm missing these subtler signals or what.

So, I'm kind of wondering where I'm at on the "I can tell they're bored" ability scale, and I wanna know if I'm somewhere in autistic territory. :)



TheMatrixHasYou
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01 Oct 2011, 7:19 am

I can't....if they started yawning, I'd just assume they were tired. :wink:



TwistedReflection
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01 Oct 2011, 7:23 am

There are quite a few "tells" that hint at one's apparent boredom; excessive sighing, fidgeting, glancing around the room, looking down at their hands, and so forth.

It is by no means a small feat to discern boredom in people, but it can be done with plenty of practice -- it's how you react to someone's boredom that is of greater import.

If I sense the tell-tale signs that someone I'm interacting with is experiencing acute ennui, I'll usually become quite hostile in regards to the show of disinterest, especially while discussing interests and things of that nature.

Is it really so hard to at least feign interest, at least in order to placate me as I proceed in my trance-like rambling?



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01 Oct 2011, 7:38 am

swbluto wrote:
So, I'm kind of wondering where I'm at on the "I can tell they're bored" ability scale, and I wanna know if I'm somewhere in autistic territory. :)


I ask them directly.



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01 Oct 2011, 8:22 am

Um, based on my own experiences, when people are bored, they might...
1) Switch the topic
2) Tell you that they need to leave soon
3) Stare elsewhere
4) Say "yeah, yeah" or "um, um" whenever you finish a sentence
5) Roll their eyes
6) Look as though they are asleep with their eyes wide open
7) Fold their arms
8) Shake their legs
9) Twirl their hair
(I usually bore people.)



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Oct 2011, 8:24 am

There are some ways to tell. Yawning is one but people have other ways of coping with their boredom. One thing someone might do when bored is change the subject. Another is make an excuse to get out of the conversation. They will try to find a distraction if possible, like a book or cell phone. They might start talking to someone else if they are available. Eventually, if nothing else works they might possibly fall asleep.



LittleBlackCat
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01 Oct 2011, 8:32 am

Apparently I can't. My husband says that I often repeat something I've said due to a lack of response from my listener because I just assume they didn't hear me, when he says it was obvious they did hear and just weren't interested. He does tell me to shut up when he notices me doing it (thank god, most Brits are too polite to tell you stuff like that, especially when you're undiagnosed and they don't realise you have a problem), and it does make me cringe a bit. Luckily my friends accept me the way I am and I've learnt over the years not to worry so much what other people think of me.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Oct 2011, 8:33 am

Oh, and SIGHING is supposedly bad. One time I went to a play with a friend and her dad. I sighed all the way through it and the friend chewed me out later for all that sighing. I admit I sighed so often because the play bored me to tears.



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01 Oct 2011, 11:19 am

Usually I can tell if somebody's bored from the following:-

-they change the subject
-they interrupt a lot (more than usual)
-they don't give full replies, just ''mmm'' and ''uhh''
-they use a flat tone of voice when they give any reply

I don't go by yawning. Somebody was saying something what I was really interested in once, and I yawned. I just said, ''excuse me'' afterwards, in case they might have thought I was bored!


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01 Oct 2011, 12:19 pm

I can't.

I assume most people are bored most of the time. Which I attribute to the pervasive Apathy built into a society that provides quick fix conviences to every whim. Which I hold in utter contempt, and therefore have no sympathy or respect for boredom. Rather arrogant of me, I suppose.


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01 Oct 2011, 12:29 pm

For me it's when they aren't actively involving themselves in the topic, which specifically means.. asking relevant questions or making relevant comments, or looking away/physically focusing on something else, or obviously changing the subject. Yawning would be one too..

Sometimes though it is simply hard to tell, in which case I generally slant towards the 'not interested' interpretation. I figure that if someone is really interested in what I am saying, it should be pretty obvious.



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01 Oct 2011, 2:35 pm

When they start to walk away from you, it is a good sign that they have reached Himalayan heights of boredom.



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01 Oct 2011, 2:42 pm

I read that people roll their eyes when they are bored or keep sighing or they are giving you short answers or not saying much in the conversation. I was even told that they will fold their arms and look away. I read in a book that if they are not looking at you, they are bored.

If I am talking to someone and then all of a sudden they started talking to another person, I get the hint but it makes me mad they do that because I find it so rude. I also get the hint if they aren't saying anything or showing any reactions. I just assume they are not interested because that is what I do when I am not interested. I don't say anything.



Joe90
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01 Oct 2011, 4:38 pm

I'm glad I can tell if people are bored or not. It does help.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 01 Oct 2011, 4:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

swbluto
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01 Oct 2011, 4:39 pm

monstermunch wrote:
Quote:
If I am talking to someone and then all of a sudden they started talking to another person, I get the hint but it makes me mad they do that because I find it so rude. I also get the hint if they aren't saying anything or showing any reactions. I just assume they are not interested because that is what I do when I am not interested. I don't say anything.


I have this. Once I said to a friend, ''I feel self-conscious today'', and I knew she heard, but because I'm always going on about that sort of thing, she turned to another person and said, ''so what time is your boyfriend coming then?''
I can't explain how, but I knew she did that on purpose because I could tell in her face that she was thinking, ''here we go again - I ain't listening to this!'' It made me feel mad inside because it makes me feel like I'm always the bad one and they're the good ones who are just conforming socially and I'm sure sometimes people make themselves look more ''normal'' and ''innocent'' than me, and seem proud of it. I hate looking and feeling rock bottom. It makes me feel ashamed.

I've also had people turn the TV up loud when I was trying to talk. That made me feel really awkward. It made me feel so awkward that I had a funny sensation in the back of my throat and I felt sick (not sure if anybody else gets this or not when feeling hurt or upset or stupid?)


Yeah, it's not especially socially acceptable to be self-deprecatory or to try to get pity for the way you're feeling, especially if it involves how others think of you or some such. The exception is when it's for humor to ease a situation where you've made an embarrassing mistake.

As much as I like to talk about my neurotic interest in the disorders I speculate I have, it's not exactly something I share with real life individuals because I know they dislike it, unless they're particularly close as with relatives. But, even that has limits. It's one thing funny about society is that how well you're treated has a good deal to do with your self-image.



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01 Oct 2011, 4:42 pm

When they aren't saying anything, and are just kind of looking away at their surroundings. That's if they have no choice but to listen to me. If they have a way out, in the form of a different conversation partner, then I get ditched in a split second.