Am I "worse" now that I know about AS?

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Now that I have an explanation, is it possible that my behaviors are worse, or am I just more aware of what's going on? Am I just "too sensitive" as I've heard others say to me?

I'm having a particularly hard time with what few relationships I have right now, more so than before I knew about AS. I'm not sure what the cause could be, but I feel like I am being abused and taunted even more than before, although nobody knows about the AS except one relative who hasn't discussed it in detail with me, and hasn't mentioned it to anyone else.

Talking about it with family is not an option yet. I just fear that I will be dismissed and/or picked on even more if I bring it up.

Any advice?

You could just be more aware so it seems like you got worse.

Hi,
Verdandi found this article some time ago that talks about getting "worse". The original link no longer works, but this is the same article stuck on someone elses site. http://americanaspergers.forumotion.net ... ic-article

I felt (and still feel 10 months later) the same as you.

I have gotten worse.

Before knowing about AS: "If I try hard enough, maybe they'll think I'm normal."

After knowing about AS: "I don't care any more. They should know I'm an aspie, and they'll just have to deal with it."

I can convince myself that I have sensory issues, need to stick to a routine, and can't look people in the eyes. The mind is an extremely powerful weapon. In reality, it's just as easy for me to convince myself that I don't have these problems.

If there's a change of plans, I'm going to be slightly upset. I can take this mild disturbance and exacerbate it. But I can also tell myself that it doesn't matter and everything is going to be alright. And guess what happens then? It's no problem, I'm cool with it.

Thinking I have AS has undoubtedly caused me to become more aspie-ish. There's no doubt about that. I'm really glad I've become diagnostically agnostic.

That being said, I was under a lot of stress over the past few months, which could also explain some of that. But, I may very well have been stressing myself out. If I didn't think I was an aspie, I would have thought "no problem, I can do this." But, instead, I thought "this isn't an aspie friendly situation, I'm going to be screwed."

Nobody knows about me yet, because I literally have zero friends (Facebook doesn't count) and my family probably isn't ready for it. They've already called me weird all my life, what would change if I had a diagnosis?

On the other hand, my 12 year old nephew is going to be tested in a couple months, so either way I'm going to look like a jerk if I say anything now, or if I say something after he is tested and is dx'd an aspie.

I have never succeeded at pretending to be normal, but I am at the point where I no longer care what anyone thinks. I'm just starting to understand why I've been so anxious and depressed all my life, and it's a relief, but also makes me angry. I feel like I've wasted my life being misdiagnosed and not given the chance to work around my "weirdness" all these years.

I think you are just more aware.

For me, it was awareness but also feeling comfortable with having the symptoms. I didn't hold back stimming and realised I could make routines make me more organised.
I did undergo a regression though due to developing epilespy, having no appetite and forcing myself into situations I knew that were too stressfull for me. I had to build all my skills up again. I've still not completely recovered. And my sensory issues are insanely bad now.

At the same time I investigated whether I was autistic, I was in an extremely stressful, overloading environment, so I was becoming more autistic from stress at the same time I was investigating. Plus I gave up some coping mechanisms that cost me too much energy for too little return, which also gave the appearance of being more autistic online. I also think increased awareness made a difference.

I was worried that I was creating the symptoms and making them fit, but then I had people tell me I was doing things I did not really know I was doing that also fit. I stopped worrying about it and figure I will be as autistic as I am, and it doesn't matter if circumstances increase or decrease visible behavior/symptoms.