dillema with my lower functioning aspie friend

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babybuggy32
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23 Oct 2011, 3:43 pm

so my aspie friend who is a bit older than me was upset because he was not invited to a party that i was going to. he was not invited due to his hygeine problems,and tendency to offput ppl. he often hits on the girls and passes wind in their faces and such behavior. he i guess is low functioning so much more so than most aspies. i find it hard to relate as do most of us i bet. but he was upset that i went and he couldn't so he drank th night away watching muppet movies. what should i tell him next time i call him? should i just say that i went and not tell him why he couldn't go? how should i put it as to not offend him?

ps thanks for the help loves i shan't squish me britches! :P


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Ettina
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23 Oct 2011, 3:59 pm

My impression is that aspies are less likely than NTs to be offended by blunt-stated criticism.



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23 Oct 2011, 5:56 pm

I'd think he'd want to know exactly why he wasn't invited, then maybe he would try to improve himself.



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23 Oct 2011, 7:17 pm

Please tell me you're going to clue him in. If he's oblivious to this stuff, he wants to go to the party but he doesn't know why, somebody's got to tell him.

I don't know if he can solve his hygiene problems. It can be pretty tricky to do, and some of us really do need help our whole lives with that kind of thing. But--well, he deserves to know. Be very careful to tell him that you are telling him because he deserves to know--not because you want to make him feel bad. Sometimes telling somebody they smell is considered an automatic insult, and some of us have been bullied pretty badly in the past and don't know when it's not an insult. So you'll have to say straight up that you do not intend to insult him.

That said--there are more things in life than parties. Maybe he just wants to go because he figures people his age are supposed to want that. Maybe there are things in life that he likes better, but isn't open about talking about because it's considered odd to like them. Are you guys still in high school? If so, that can be a really high-pressure environment.

But it sounds a bit like he's kinda doing some stuff just to get a reaction out of people--like, he hasn't got a clue how to interact, so he just does what he knows will get people to react to him, even if they react with disgust. Or maybe he just doesn't think fast enough, and does things impulsively. I think he's probably going to have to do a lot of learning. But don't give up on him as your friend--even if he's horrible at socializing, it seems like the two of you get along okay, and it can really help to have somebody around who doesn't treat you like an outcast. People do learn as they get older, if they keep trying; and having a sensible person around may be just what he needs as incentive to keep learning. Maybe in five years, he'll be where you are now; that's not unlikely. You should've seen me at fourteen... good gracious, I was horrible! But I've gotten lots better, learned a lot of useful stuff, and smell a lot better; and I have faith that so can he.


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23 Oct 2011, 7:19 pm

Tell your friend exactly why he wasn't invited. Tell him bluntly why and how what he's doing is socially inappropriate.



babybuggy32
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23 Oct 2011, 8:31 pm

oh my actually i am 26 and the friend in question is 31 thats why this is coming from such a hard place cause what do i say to that? by this age he should know better he also has manchild syndrome! 25 doll hairs if anyone knows what that is! :lol: :D


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23 Oct 2011, 8:45 pm

Well someone has got to tell him and it might as well be you. He might not like it at the time, but we all need a slap of reality in the face from time to time, and once he corrects himself he'll be grateful that you told him, I hope. He might be too caught up in his ways by now.



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23 Oct 2011, 11:49 pm

babybuggy32 wrote:
so my aspie friend who is a bit older than me was upset because he was not invited to a party that i was going to. he was not invited due to his hygeine problems,and tendency to offput ppl. he often hits on the girls and passes wind in their faces and such behavior. he i guess is low functioning so much more so than most aspies.


Not sure if low functioning is the correct term, more like his specific executive function disorder means he does not filter out (or repress) the urge to act on inappropriate social behavior. NT People with behavioral issues could manifest similar symptoms i.e. ADHD.



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24 Oct 2011, 12:00 am

babybuggy32 wrote:
oh my actually i am 26 and the friend in question is 31 thats why this is coming from such a hard place cause what do i say to that? by this age he should know better he also has manchild syndrome! 25 doll hairs if anyone knows what that is! :lol: :D

Well, he doesn't know better. You going to help him out?


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