I was thinking about my struggle to overcome my problems and gain a more stable mental state. Years of work and it feels like you're holding your mind in a delicate balance like plasma in nuclear fusion, one mis-calculation and you collapse. I was thinking about this and I remembered a quote from Star Trek: The Next Generation, I believe it has interesting paralells with Autism:
LAFORGE: We'll be able to give you warp eight if you need it.
PICARD [OC]: Acknowledged.
DATA: Geordi, would you agree that the instinct for self-preservation is shared by most life forms?
LAFORGE: I'd say it's probably the most basic instinct, Data.
DATA: That being the case, I find it difficult to understand why someone would deliberately terminate their own existence.
LAFORGE: I don't know, Data. All I can think is that maybe Lieutenant Kwan felt that there was something wrong in his life, something he felt powerless to fix.
DATA: I believe I understand. I have been in a similar situation.
LAFORGE: Really?
DATA: The first months following my activation were a difficult period for me. There were many problems associated with my becoming sentient.
LAFORGE: Because your neural net was still forming.
DATA: As I acquired new skills, neural pathways would form replacing other less complex pathways. It was very disorienting.
LAFORGE: I bet.
DATA: As my systems grew in complexity, it became increasingly difficult to integrate new pathways into my existing neural net. The probability of cascade failure grew with each additional pathway. I came to the conclusion it would be safer and easier to shut myself down and start again.
LAFORGE: Yeah, but if you had done that, you wouldn't have remembered any of the things that had happened to you.
DATA: In a way, it would have been like committing suicide.
LAFORGE: So what did you do?
DATA: I decided against the procedure. I chose instead to treat the problems I was having with my systems as challenges to overcome, rather than obstacles to be avoided.
LAFORGE: Great way of looking at it, Data. I wish Lieutenant Kwan had been able to look at his problems the same way.
