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DrewLewis
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07 Nov 2011, 9:34 am

I have the hardest time trying to fit in. There's nobody around my area that I can relate to or trust for that matter. It's been that way for a good long time. But yet somtime's I feel that maybe it's best that I stay a loner. I won't get in trouble for anything, I'll have a totlal private life, and won't worry about annoying any one. But still, I really do wish I have some good group of friends to hang out with once in a while, as well as have a girlfriend.

I have the worst luck when it come's to romance. Most of the type of girls in my age group ethire think I'm a werido, a freak, nerd or a mix of all 3. So yeah my social life is pretty bad. Hopfully with GOD's help it will get better. :(


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Seashell
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07 Nov 2011, 9:47 am

Sometimes I also feel like it's better to be a loner than to be part of a social circle where I don't really fit in. However, as you're only 23 I don't think you should give up on socialising just yet. I was 30 before I had my first friend and my first boyfriend. These things tend to happen later for us than for most people. I hope your situation gets better anyway.



Joe90
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07 Nov 2011, 10:29 am

Bad things about being a loner are you get criticised by some NTs for not having any friends, you've got no-one outside of family to share your interests or problems with, you've got to go everywhere on your own whether you like it or not, most NTs seem to think doing things on your own is a ''bad thing'', if you have younger siblings or cousins who are NTs you will feel younger (or much much older) than them because they're already going out and about and you just sit alone in your room..... Those points make me feel miserable.

Good things about being a loner are you get more time to plan and arrange things the way you want, and you can get on and do things without anybody demanding on you, and you can shut yourself away if you want or you can take a leisurely trip to the nearest city on the bus if you want, and you can go shopping at your own pace without having to follow other people around in the boring clothes shops, and if you're unemployed you can do job-searching your own way instead of what others are doing, and less people know about your disability and odd quirks, and you can just stay close to your family a bit more.

But I do like to have friends, and meet them up occasionally and keep in touch, I just don't like to have people demanding on me too much because feeling under pressure is bad enough for me.


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auntblabby
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07 Nov 2011, 11:46 am

good things about being a loner-

*no one will complain about you in your own home, about any of your preferences such as for thermostat setting or decor [or the lack of decor].
*you can drink your milk right from the carton and nobody will care.
*you can be inside your place and fart and stink and nobody will care.
*you can drive at your preferred speeding speed in the car and you won't have any backseat drivers to yap at ya over it.
*you can listen to your music at all hours of the day without anybody else in the house caring.
*you can keep your own hours without anybody else caring.
*you can wear whatever clothes you feel like wearing, and nobody will care.
*no arguments.



aspie48
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07 Nov 2011, 12:26 pm

well i sometimes find my life is chaotic as a loser.



Shebakoby
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07 Nov 2011, 1:01 pm

This reminds me of something I saw recently:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “will you marry me?” The girl said, “NO!”.

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased…did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself.

She watched chick flicks, never football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

The end!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and nobody tried to change him.

The End!



auntblabby
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07 Nov 2011, 1:28 pm

^^^
maybe our society should be something like what aldous huxley wrote about in his novel "brave new world," wherein nobody but rebels got married and had kids the old-fashioned way.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Nov 2011, 1:43 pm

F you can find some no nonsense friends that will not cause drama or bring chaos into your life, that's awesome. These types of friends are hard to come by.

Meanwhile, don't fall into the trap of needing to be with anyone to keep from feeling lonely. You don't want to be a doormat for life's jerks to wipe their muddt black boots on!

Being alone isn't too bad if you look at it from the perspective of waiting for the rightfriends to come along and will not settle for bad people.



DrewLewis
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07 Nov 2011, 1:50 pm

Thank you for the helpful advice everyone. :)



Surfman
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07 Nov 2011, 3:23 pm

In Japan you can rent a friend, a fake parent, or fake wife.

They will never disappoint

OR YOUR MONEY BACK!



anneurysm
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07 Nov 2011, 3:29 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
This reminds me of something I saw recently:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “will you marry me?” The girl said, “NO!”.

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased…did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself.

She watched chick flicks, never football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.

The end!

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, and nobody tried to change him.

The End!


The greatest story ever.

There is so much value in being yourself and not being tied down. So many people, due to societal values think that they *have* to find a partner, and fail to look inside themselves and realize that this robs them of their freedom to actually be themself. Luckily, I have learned this early and now can burp, fart, and have as many experiences as I please!


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Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


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07 Nov 2011, 3:45 pm

Pros of being a loner: I get to make all the decisions and do everything my way.

Cons of being a loner: Why do I want friends again?


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Joe90
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07 Nov 2011, 4:19 pm

I wouldn't like to be completely a loner.

From mid-2008 to mid-2011 I was not a loner, but I was more free than what I am now. I was doing volunteering at a charity shop, and I never felt so free in all my life. I got the bus there in mid-morning, and came home mid-afternoon, and if my friends who I made there wanted me to stay a little longer, I did. I felt liked, I felt social - but I didn't feel demanded by anyone, so I could still do things my own way. That's how I like it. I don't want to be too lonely, because I have self-esteem issues as it is, and I think seeing friends helps me come out of my shell a bit more and help me move on, rather than get myself stuck in a rut. But I don't want to be too demanded and controlled either. And you don't have to live a life being too lonely or too controlled. Having a few friends to meet up with occasionally is OK with me, maybe three or four times a month, and keeping in touch on Facebook is quite a good way because you can keep up with your friend's life's statuses and see what they're doing without being too much of a demand.

What I want is to get married to a man who I fancy, live in a nice flat, he does full time work and I do part time work, have evenings together or out with our friends if we choose, have sex at nights, and perhaps spend week-ends doing things together, or seeing our family and friends, perhaps still together, and then booking holidays every few months to spend away for a few days, just relaxing. That's the life for me. But I suppose that's too much to ask for these days, since most young couples I know of split up all the time.

I DO NOT want any kids because they will just be Autistic or retarded and would never get lives of their own and so would be a burdan on me for the rest of my life. I wouldn't mind having kids if I knew they would be NTs and would make their own friends but it seems every Aspie I've heard of who has kids seem to have at least one kid who's inherited the awfully cruel disorder, and I don't want to bring more unhappy kids into the world. Just saying from my opinion.


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readingbetweenlines
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09 Nov 2011, 3:33 pm

Joe90 wrote:
What I want is to get married to a man who I fancy, live in a nice flat, he does full time work and I do part time work, have evenings together or out with our friends if we choose, have sex at nights, and perhaps spend week-ends doing things together, or seeing our family and friends, perhaps still together, and then booking holidays every few months to spend away for a few days, just relaxing. That's the life for me. But I suppose that's too much to ask for these days, since most young couples I know of split up all the time.


Joe90, I always enjoy your posts. What you want is what many people, or should I say women, want. Perfectly normal and not unreasonable. I'm an NT loner and have quite a few of these things but I did not get married till my late 30s.

Work is so exhausting that I tend to just collapse on the sofa in the evenings during the week. I need the weekend to recover from the working week. We only see friends and family during holidays. No kids (too exhausting though that's not the reason I don't have any).

So I guess what I want to say, the bad thing about being a loner that these things are likely to happen later in life than for non loners

The good thing about being a loner: plenty of time to enjoy the cinema in my head


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06 Dec 2011, 8:44 pm

My brain does not turn in to mush when I am alone, mushie peas in fact the ones with mint :eew: talking store bought here, the ones that taste like faux mint slice 8O though |'m sure if I tried making my own with fresh mint from the garden it should be OK


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NZaspiegirl016
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06 Dec 2011, 11:30 pm

I am somewhere between loner and not-loner. In classes, I'm a loner, and I don't mind, because it helps me concentrate on my work better, as opposed to everyone else, and I mean EVERYONE else in my classes, who sit there talking to their friends and how do they get any work done like that?! Because all I hear them talking about is who's going out with who, what's happening in the weekend, gossip about others (which is sometimes about me). I hardly ever hear anyone talking about their work.

However at other times, when I'm not in class, I actually hang out with a group of friends. It's a small group, two year 9 girls and my LFA friend. So yeah, I can be a loner, but I also hang out with friends too. The best of both worlds. =)


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