It's not fair and I'm not certain of anything anymore

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I'm not sure how to say how I feel, but I'll try to. It's not fair how some of us suffer so much more than others, while others of us seem to be pretty well off. Some are severally disabled by our form of autism, while others are less so and are glad that we have it as it makes us unique. Some feel that it's a gift, while for others it is a curse, and some us only have a few problems while others have a heap of things piled ontop of AS. I feel I'm thriving too well without trying hard enough while others put in all they have and still struggle to survive. It's not fair, and now I'm not sure about many things, like whether Autism or AS is a bad thing or not. I'm so confused. Everything used to so clear, so black and white, but as I learn more and know more I become certain of less and less and now I don't know what to believe. I wish everything could just be simple and everyone didn't have contridict eachother with their conflicting perspectives, I just want everyone to be happy. Why is it so hard? I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but this is the best I can express it.

Everyone views their life differently. We all have to keep on going the best we can.

Being disabled does not mean that people aren't happy or that people want to get rid of their autism.

Being myself, with all my challenges, is a gift. Being myself is a good thing. I have strengths and weaknesses like any other human, its just that my weaknesses are such that I'm disabled.

I'm definitely not the most disabled person on these forums with this view.

I think it's all in the way you see things. I used to see it as a curse, but I made a conscious decision to find the good in it and celebrate who I am, and now, I mean, yeah there's still bad, I know that, and I know I'm noticeably disabled by it, but I wouldn't trade it.

Ok, I think I've got myself collected again, but I'm still slightlty confused, and slightly afraid. I'll be better tomorrow.

You're right, it isn't fair. But life is not generally known for being fair. It's important to the recognise if one has had advantages in life that others haven't had.

Honestly not trying to patronise you, having periods of intense uncertainty even as we learn more about ourselves and others is part of growing up. And even later that will be times where you question what you thought you knew.

I believe I understand what you're expressing here, and I agree, the issue of autism can seem like a very complicated one. It is human nature to try to discern some sort of order out of the chaos around us. Alas, many things in life are not as black and white as we would desire. I have had my own hardships and struggles, to be sure, but I am thankful that my personal situation is mostly tolerable, to the point that I now consider AS a gift. I recognize and respect that there are others who aren't as fortunate. However, I don't think that's always necessarily a bad thing, because I firmly believe that everyone has the potential to find a way forward with perseverance.

I think it's noble, but a bit naive, to hope for universal happiness. It's like taking away one element of a balanced duality and expecting it to stay balanced. Without negativity, there can be no positivity either, because there is nothing outside positivity to use as a point of reference. Happiness is what most of us strive to achieve, but in my experience, the struggles are important because they teach us things about ourselves and develop character. If everyone was happy, there would be no incentive to change or grow, and we would all stagnate and settle for mediocrity. I imagine a world without conflict would, after a while, become excruciatingly boring.

Autism does cause much pain, that is true. It can be physical pain, or the anguish of not being able to communicate with the outside world, or the torment of always feeling like an alien in the midst of sociable humans. But there's a flip side to that, one which shouldn't be (but all too often is) ignored when speaking of the spectrum. Creativity is often borne out of necessity, when faced with conflict. As a result, autism can result in remarkable feats of artistry, science, and mathematics, and despite the popular conception of the spectrum, autism can also provide a person with a remarkable sense of intuition and even empathy. The bottom line is, it isn't really that autism is complicated-- life is complicated. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, ups and downs, the good and the bad. It's just that ours are a little different than the ones NTs generally have.