aspie small talk

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I wonder if someone here could help me out with this problem please. I have difficulty with understanding the concept of small talk.

I have AS and find small talk boring.......sure, I'm in good company I know. But 80% of the posts here at WP I would describe as 'small talk' or 'chatty talk' in 'my book'.

This is not to criticize such posters at all, just my perceptions and my experience.

I define small talk as focusing on things that have very little depth or significance in the grand scheme of things.

I am aware that a lot of my brothers and sisters in the spectrum here are half my age so this might come into play, but even then when I was in my early 20's my only desire and interest was to focus all my energy on philosophy and understand the meaning of my existence........

As a child I was not so much the 'little professor.' but. instead the 'little philosopher'.

However much I find the majority of posts on WP 'small talk' to me I deeply respect that others lifes may revolve around them.......my reason for posting is to learn what 'small talk' means for you as individuals with AS?

I am aware that a person with AS who is socially awkward might relish the opportunity of chatting with others in an internet chat room.......but are not inter net chat rooms places where small talk happens ?

Wishing you all well regardless of our numerous differences.

A lot of us are practising, and there are a surprisingly high number of NT and "non-autie's" on here,

as well, "For some, having a high-functioning form of this syndrome is a badge of honour, but for others, this disorder is disabling from childhood through old age"

To me small talk has no meaning or purpose whatsoever, but I practised holding a non meaningful conversation because it seems NT really value this ability; often it takes me a lot of effort to chat, but it is also rewarding in terms of friendship making.

I only talk about things with a point. That point can mean asking how someone is. In fact I actually maintain close relationships with my own kind by not making small talk often because it's pointless and they feel it.

If we never engaged in small talk, we'd never talk to anyone except the people we know very well or people who have the time for a deep discussion. In other words, hardly ever at all.

The key to small talk is to be able to discuss, briefly, topics which have a universal interest, which affect just about everyone. The catch is to avoid things that either are too contentious to too time-consuming to discuss with a person you don't know very well. In other words, if it takes more than, say, a minute to say your piece on a subject or it's politics or religion, it's not small talk.

Small talk does have value. It exposes you to knowledge you might otherwise not receive and to the opinions of people you would not otherwise have talked to. No, the story of how my bank teller's cat had kittens the other day probably won't make me richer or much smarter, but it cost me nothing to listen and relate a tangentially related story of how I found my cat as a stray kitten, and now there's a person out there who likes me a little better because of it.

Your real problem is that you hate to talk about anything you're not interested in, and you're just not interested in enough things. Well, think of it this way: Philosophy is the study of pretty much everything. It includes every discipline and science from botany to sociology to music to psychology to economics and everything in between. Focusing strictly on Neitzsche's Superman or Plato's Philosopher King doesn't make you smarter, it just makes you harder to talk to.

I really only like talking if there is some sort of point....I mean if someone says to me 'hi, how are you' I know I should say 'good' and then possibly ask about them so they can say 'good. Though maybe I am not doing good, but if I were to say that things would not go too smoothly because they did not actually want to hear about my problems or how I am actually doing. So yeah I just don't see the point in saying expected phrases and responding with expected phrases for the purpose of putting on an act or whatever.

Also when I am at my moms house my 9 year old brother says hi to me every time I come in from out side, every time I come down stairs from my room, if he see's me in the hallways ect.......and I try to be nice about it but I have told him he does not have to do that. It annoys me because I would prefer to just go about my buisness without saying anything unless something to talk about comes up.

[Moved from News and Current Events to General Autism Discussion]

I am not diagnosed so as far as I know I could be NT, but even I can't stand meaningless small talk. Small talk is anything that has no meaning to me. Ie I am presently studying the health sciences and nervous system, so that is my favourite subject to rattle on about at the moment (last year it was cross stitching and before that jigsaw puzzles, but my attention has moved over to my studies and I am now obsessed with that so...).

Now I am happy to sit and converse about presynaptic excitatory neurons etc but I cannot abide pointless conversation like what the weather is like, gossip, what someone did last Friday and how they got into a fight outside a night club and so on. It bores me senseless. On the other hand I am sure my incessant rambling about neurons would bore everyone else so it is mutual really lol. For this reason, amongst many, I am a walking disaster zone when it comes to socialising and rarely make friends if at all.

Oh and in regards to the meaning of life, I went through that phase years ago and figured out that for me: "The meaning of life is the miracle of living; it is the gift of being alive". Basically the meaning of life is life itself and all the experiences that you get to experience whilst you are here. The chance to touch, feel, see, hear, taste and interact with the physical world around you.

I am more than happy to interact with the physical world...however interacting with people is hard lol!

To me, small talk is about the weather, or something in the news, or a local event, or whatever is happening where I am at the moment, ie; in the grocery line "No matter what line I get in, they always run out of register tape" to the person behind me. It's just something to do to get rid of the awkward standing there in silence looking around aspect of things. It's not that awkward for me to stnad there silent, I'd prefer it, but I always feel that I should be saying something or being social or "normal", so I do it. It's become an ingrained habit over the years from back when I was forcing myself to learn to not be so shy, awkward, quiet, or just plain wierd. I'm also 47.

I basically forced myself to become talkitive and social and extroverted. Sometimes it works and I'm great at it, other times, depending on my mood or thought patterns, I'll say the most obscure or strange thing to a total stranger, then feel the need to explain it to them. Which I do. While they look at me with a blank look. Then I usually say "If I'm boring you, it's ok to tell me". They never really do, but I know they are bored sometimes.

I also tend to point out obscure facts about whatever is going on. Sometimes other people are interested in them, many times they aren't. I also have a wierd sense of humor and what I find funny, a lot of times others just don't get. When they do get it, or are interested in the obscure fact, I'm entirely too happy for the rest of the day.

So, that's small talk to me.

Frances

And why does small talk build neighbourhoods and communities? It is mostly idle pointless chitter chatter about nothing much at all really.

It's a small paradox, Bumble.

Yes, the small talk is about the weather or something likewise pointless. But that's not really the point.

The ulterior motive behind small talk is to become acquainted with other people. Not to be their friend or confidant. Just kind of have an idea of who they are. Communities are extended families of friends, associates and acquaintances. The acquaintances make up the bulk of a community.

I don't have to be everyone's best friend in my neighborhood to be part of it. But If I walk down the street and look at the houses, if I can say "Matt lives there, he's a welder. Carlos lives there, he's an accountant. That's Ken and Ben's house. That's the Assan family's house, their kids like bikes," and so on, then I'm part of a community.

If you don't make small talk, you are not part of a community. You just kind of live there. If the hinge broke off the door of my car and I was acquainted with that neighbor Matt who is a welder, I could go to his house and ask if he could help me weld the door back together. For no money, or almost no money. If I didn't know Matt or had never even said "Hi how're you doing?" then I'd have to go to a welding shop and fork over a lot of cash.

I used to live in a fancy neighborhood where everybody hid behind their privacy fences and nobody talked to each other. There was a lot more crime on the streets, because nobody would go out to help if there was trouble. They would hide behind the curtains and call the cops, who showed up an hour later when there was nothing to be done.

Then I lived in a sleazy neighboorhood where everyone knew each other. One day, a couple had an argument in the street and the man punched the woman. In less than a minute, Me & my roomate and 12 neighbors were right there putting an end to it and holding the guy till the cops showed up.

That's what small talk gets you. People helping each other.

So if you have never made meaningless small talk with people it is unlikely they will help you should you find yourself needing help? That is really rather strange lol. I would stop and help someone in need whether I had made small talk with them or not. The fact that they have never made small talk with me, or I with them, is neither here nor there when another individual is in need of assistance.

People will often refer to me as weird or as a sandwich short of a picnic (I am the community oddball who keeps to myself a lot) but I do think other people can be rather bizarre!