Men with autism more 'chivalrous'

Post Reply New Topic

I get the impression that men with autism/on the spectrum are more 'chivalrous' towards women than the average man. Which I find a little confusing given that women can be mean and judgmental to men who show autistic traits.

Do you think there is some truth to this or not?

Yes. Other than not being able to identify the intentions of chicks, I have found that my obsessive 'politeness' has cost me hooking up with anyone who's ever had any interest in me. I've been told to act like a 'redneck'. Take from it what you will.

They might think someone who's chivalrous has some kind of ulterior motive.

We are often overly polite and formal with all people (not just the opposite sex). For some, it may be a way to "play it safe" as not to offend people. As for myself... I genuinely care for people and help whenever I can. Doesn't matter who you are... If I see your reflection in a glass door, I'll wait and hold the door for you. I also understand the value of kindness... the simple act of concern for stranger can change their entire day. But yes, I can understand how it can backfire if you are seeking an intimate relationship. Also... some people on the spectrum are just exceedingly kind and selfless.

How would you define chivalrous Jamesy?

Holding doors open is pretty common in the American South, not too sure about the defending women, I would guess he's but I haven't really been in any situations like that

I think us blokes with autism can appear this way.

It's more being overly polite, rather than being nice as to make the person like you more.
I am painfully polite to everyone, even when someone is rude to me, it's just how I cope.

Online is different though. I struggle to find the words to describe the difference. I don't feel the need to please though, unsure if that is to do with the anonymity the internet grants us.

When I was on the one date that I have been on I did hold doors open and tried to be as chivalrous as possible, although like everything else I did that night it was done awkwardly. In order to be likable I have to compensate for my poor social skills and lack of charisma by being a nice person, and this does not just apply to dating.

Yes, we are polite and chivalrous, unfortunately.

Being used, abused and taken advantage of for our kindness is just as common as driving people away because of out aggression or anti/non-social behavior.

Nice guys finish last in a cruel competitive world.

The key is to stop giving a sh*t about the competitive mean old world and just be a good, polite person for the sake of it.

I don't know if the thread subject is true or not, but aspies are often good with systems of rules, and etiquette in the broad sense is just a system of rules to make social interactions work more smoothly. If you were taught to follow various rules of etiquette as a child (like holding doors for people), it's just a natural and automatic thing to do -- it's not something you even think about, any more than you think about saying "please" and "thank you."

So to the extent that aspies tend to be rule followers, if they were taught these rules, I expect they may tend to follow them more than the average person and so appear to be more formally polite.

(My rule for door-holding is that the person who gets to the door first holds it for those coming after.)

oh for sure!

only if they think to do so,
after they've learned to do so
but not with their partner, com'on
not even in public!