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JCJC777
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21 Dec 2011, 4:39 am

On p5 of the great 'autism social rules' thread, @DW_a_Mom says

"For the record, trust is the capital of the NT world. Sure, there are the dog eat dog types out there (avoid as much as possible), but they are outnumbered by those who trade in trust. You can't marry without trust, and you can't be truly happy without trust. Rule number 2 may keep you from getting hurt, but it will also keep you from truly living. Still, I can see how it becomes a defensive reaction for someone who can't tell who is worth trusting and who isn't, and who has been hurt by making the wrong assumptions. NT's have a system for it that AS have a more difficult time learning."

Does anyone have any thoughts on how this NT 'system of trust' works? and how we can use it?

Maybe it is
1. even though your (Aspie) reading of other people is deficient, still try to work out who is trustworthy by the way they act
2. take the risk of trusting in people. Show them your emotions. Be open with them. Share with them. Rely on them. Ask them for help.
3. if people prove untrustworthy, and your (Aspie) ability to defend yourself both internally and externally is much less than that of an NT, don't be too frightened of the hurt that will happen - it's just a price for living.
?



fraac
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21 Dec 2011, 6:20 am

I think when an NT talks of trust it's their subjective rationalisation of the hierarchy. Ants would talk of trust when they mean smell. Certainly they don't have the sense of camaraderie that I imagine exists between a group of people who want the best for each other.



nat4200
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21 Dec 2011, 6:34 am

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Last edited by nat4200 on 19 Apr 2012, 5:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

nemorosa
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21 Dec 2011, 7:03 am

nat4200 wrote:
Everyone starts off with a few points (ie. they are trusted, but only a little) and depending on what they do they might gain or lose trust points (amounts depending on what the points are being added/lost for), well, ergh, that's sort of how it works (I don't keep score as strictly as it might sound, and scores can be reset *occasionally* esp. if new info comes to light - it's not karma that I'm trying to model afterall).


My system is that everyone starts of not being trusted at all and they have to earn it, and even then they are only trusted very slightly. I tend to have few disappointments this way.



nat4200
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21 Dec 2011, 7:33 am

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Last edited by nat4200 on 19 Apr 2012, 5:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

fraac
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21 Dec 2011, 7:56 am

I don't trust anyone, but I'll play with anyone. It would take a lot for me to trust someone. Most people have no idea though, so it works out okay.



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21 Dec 2011, 7:57 am

My view is simply, trust as few people as possible. I only trust one person outside of my family fully. Everyone else, I tend to treat with a healthy dose of skepticism. Trust has to be earned. You never know what someone's true motive is, after all.