My therapist misunderstands literal interpretations.

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So I was talking to my therapist about having trouble getting my needs met and how no matter how I try to explain things to people here, people don't seem to really understand what I'm saying - they run it through their own filters that turns it into something milder and more comprehensible to their experiences.

Anyway, she says "You're keeping your head above water," and I asked what that meant, so she said something a bit longer that again centered on "You're keeping your head above water." So I said "You used that metaphor again, what does it mean?" She said, "Oh, it's a literal thing. Well, what happens when you can't keep your head above water?" and I was now more confused, but said "You hold your breath or drown" and she said, "right, and you're not drowning are you?" And my first thought was, "Do I look like I live in a swimming pool?" but I mostly gave up asking what she meant.

Anyway, a friend explained what it means perfectly (barely being able to function but still just managing), and in retrospect I found the whole exchange a bit amusing. I have to remember - when I see her in three weeks - to tell her that literal interpretations tend to go the other way.

Oh, well. December's my last month with her. It's been rough at times, and good at times, and I don't have any regrets. Next time, though, I'm looking for someone who understands autism.

sorry im not really sure what you mean by this... what other way? if you care to explain id be grateful.

I need to have the literal meaning of a metaphor like "keeping your head above water" explained rather than having the metaphor itself expanded without proper explanation. Like, instead of asking me what happens when you can't keep your head above water, she could have said "It means that you're managing to function, despite the obstacles in your way."

I think she was trying to make you figure out the metaphorical meaning on your own.

Really?

It totally failed.

Yes, I think that's what she was doing. I think she wanted you to put two and two together, which makes no sense because this metaphorical expression, like most of the metaphorical expressions, can mean many things. It's not your fault this approach didn't work.

To be honest, I don't understand why it's a problem for her to openly explain the meaning and move on. What would you gain if you "figure it on your own"? Now that you know what it means you will understand it the next time anyway so I don't get it.

I think you're right about that. I do know what a lot of idioms mean, but certainly not all of them. It's not generally easy to interpret them quickly.

I don't get the point of understanding it on my own. I'd still be wracking my brain trying to work it out if someone hadn't told me as soon as I got home.

The thing is, metaphors aren't objective truths and they are also culturally specific. Just because a NT from your culture would see them as logical and only possible, doesn't mean that a person from other culture could understand it. To expect a person to get the logic behind it is not reasonable. It's not like asking someone to get the logic behind 2+2=4.

During my two state disability assessments (last November and this past October), part of the assessment was to explain what an idiom meant. Since I know idioms do not literally mean what they say, I was able to go over usages and context and produce an answer that was not literal, but both cases took a lot of time (the second one more than the first).

I couldn't do that in this case, I couldn't relate the idiom to what she was saying or what I was saying. Very annoying.

An idiom dictionary can be very helpful.

Sadly, the old trick of "if someone is asking for strength, give them a gym membership" is all too common in therapy. What most therapists don't know (and probably don't care to learn) is that aspies are very practical. If we're asking for the meaning of a metaphor, we're not looking for runaround and a bunch of platitudes; we're looking for a direct answer. If we're craving some hassle, we'll dispute a bill with our phone company or try to reschedule a flight with a major airline. Therapy is not a place for hassle! But tell that to the therapists.

Some of us on WP might be better off with a life coach than a therapist. That has a downside too. Life coaches are not regulated by government or medical organization. But at least they won't pester us with the old "how did that make you feel" or "you tell me".

Okay, sometimes a person will use a metaphor that the other person (the one being talked to won't get). What I don't understand is why she quickly didn't explain that she means "overwhelmed" and then continue on. Then she further complicates the issue by saying "it's a literal thing", but it is clearly not.
What confuses me is why explaining away a metaphor is somehow therapeutic. It is understandable that you are confused.

Yeah. If you wanted to learn how to figure out metaphors, you'd ask her to teach you how to figure out metaphors. You were asking for the meaning of that particular one.

When I was a kid, my parents bought a fun book with pictures that explained the origins of common idioms. Maybe that's why I have less trouble with using and understanding them, in spite of my general tendency to take things so literally.

My parents loved to buy books for both kids and adults that explained all kinds of things, debunked myths, listed famous quotes, told of unusual stuff such as world records, were full of various types of clever humor, and whatnot. I guess I never thought before about how much that helped me.

sorry, im just passing through this forum and watching you guys talk. maybe i was analyzing the conversation too much i dont know, maybe thats a whole different disorder.

but to be honest, i think this interpretation: (barely being able to function but still just managing) has a kind of a negative connotation. i dont think thats what your therapist meant when she said it. i think her meaning was more along the lines of: you're keeping your head above water, you're doing good you're staying out of trouble you're making progress. i dont think there was any hidden meaning about you being barely able to function.

when she was asking you about what happens when you go under water, i think she meant to engage you on a symbolic/metaphoric level, alot of people talk like this in daily life. it just a way of engaging you in conversation. ive been to therapists before, and they really arent in the business of passing judgement on their patients. so yeah, often times you talk to a therapist and they give you cryptic answers like that. it really cant be avoided. but it puts the burden on you as the patient to make the most out of your visit.

if you think you have trouble learning idioms now, wait until you try to learn a foreign language. then you will be knee deep in strange expressions and metaphors! you really dont get a sense of how many non-literal expressions you use in day to day life until you try to learn a foreign language. then its like you become really aware of it. lol

I'm not familiar with this idiom. Does it mean "if someone is asking for candid advice, give them platitudes instead"?
I am just trying to guess meaning based on the rest of your post. It is funny because I find idioms and word usage fascinating and yet you stumped me--never heard of it.