When NTs mention autism and don't know you're autistic...

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A co-worker was explaining her brother's autism to me the other day. It was directly after she was talking about how she avoided vaccines during her pregnancy. I am pregnant right now and I have gotten the flu shot with little to no worries about my child "contracting" autism. This is largely because I don't think autism is caused by environmental factors (although I believe environmental factors contribute to the development of characteristics). I also don't harbor irrational fears about autism in general.

I nodded in attempt to show understanding, and asked if he was verbal. She didn't seem to understand when I said that. Then I plainly explained, "Does he talk and communicate?" and she said "Yes, but he won't respond to normal conversation like 'How was your day?'". I replied, "Oh, because he doesn't want to." Then she said, "No, because he can't." I nodded and tried to change the subject, "Oh, he talks so is he pretty high functioning?" I was a little surprised when she said, "No, he doesn't have Aspergers." I missed this statement and asked for clarification, "Wait, did you just say he doesn't have Asperger's?" "No, he's autistic." As if it was a separate thing.

Anyway, I got to thinking about how the definition of high-functioning and the understanding of an autistic spectrum is getting misconstrued when Asperger's Syndrome is getting a lot of attention. To some degree, I think the history of the AS diagnosis should be kept in the picture. However, I feel as though people don't understand that Asperger's is autistic. And that being high-functioning and verbal doesn't equal Aspergers. And in general, that we should move toward having a more positive perspective on autism. Whenever I hear NTs talk about autism, it's always about their issues with the autistic persons in their lives being so "different" that it was a struggle.

I'm sorry this is so long. I just wanted to hear your thoughts on this issue.

I had experience on this subject, it's happened to me before. One day boyfriend's friends mention the subject of Aspergers, they have no idea that I have Aspergers (I hide it very well so I've been told). They go on how people with Aspergers are basement dewellers, attention seekers and stupid. I say to them that not all of them are like that, that is the stereotype. Then they make me take a Aspergers test, I score low for an apsie and then they say "no way could you have ass-burgers". The funny thing is that they have no idea that I do. On a similar situation, different friend talks about Aspergers and talk about how people with Aspergers use it as an excuse. I've concluded from these discussions that Aspergers has been given a bad name.....

I've not had anything like this yet - I only discovered I had AS a few years ago, since then I've been unemployed so have little contact with people. I wouldn't be so good at keeping my mouth shut in such situations, I don't suffer fools or wilful ignorance.

Has happened a few times. I've had people downright mention aspergers when i was around. A few students a year ago thought my prof was aspergers and I was like whhhhaaaatttt?? And then I was in a car with some people and a couple girls were talking in the backseat about one of the girls relatives having aspergers and I could hear the entire conversation. One girl was describing it to another (that was the most awkward instance). Last incident, I was working and one of the customers mentioned to the checkers about her nephew being autistic and that conversation was halted because I was there. See I had to disclose to keep my job and the a few of the heads know so. Another incident a few years ago, I was in a room where some girls were worried about having autistic babies...I said nothing.

when people in health and science class make insulting jokes and such i yell at them. i made someone feel so guilty they cried once. it felt good.

That sucks!! I would feel impelled to give them an earful, but better judgement would make me keep it to myself.
Seeing as they insist on badmouthing those who have it...I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to do it to an Aspie's face.

When people make such negative comments, I can't help but wonder if it's one of those "reading-between-the-lines" moments; that is, it could be that they DO sense you have Aspergers, and they are indirectly tormenting you. In your case, that seems very unlikely, since you said it occurred with two different friends on separate occasions.

But hey...imagine if you "came out of the AS closet" after waiting X number of months, after they continued making their ignorant comments...bet that would make them red-faced!!

When I was in highschool, some kid in my class was bragging about being the best in such-and-such group at doing such-and-such, and another kid, who thought he was being clever, remarked "that's like being the smartest kid with autism." I wanted to a) correct him on equating autism with cognitive impairment, which is patently wrong, and b) say "I'M F#@$ING AUTISTIC @SSHOLE!" Instead, I sat there, and remained more or less mute the entire day.

I wonder if it's because they've read some of the threads in WP's The Haven.

It has. That's why I'm afraid to mention it to anyone. Every nerd in the world with some minor social awkwardness thinks he has AS, and it's gotten a reputation as a condition that a**holes claim to have so that they can be rude without consequence.

There are few things I hate more than ignorance and bigotry. Every time someone mentions autism I'm a super mute. I wish I wasn't, then maybe I could knock some sense into some people and reduce the overwhelming amount of ignorance.

These situations have not yet arisen for you, but I would not be able to resist applying the correctional ointment if and when they do arise in the future. Head-On: Apply Directly to Forehead. Activ-On: Apply Directly Where You Want Others To Hurt. I am just kidding. I am a pacifist.

Oh crud, if anyone needs an example of pronoun reversal, oops I did it again in the above paragraph.

Oh, actually this has happened once...in my sign language class, I can't remember what was said by the woman but I instantly chirped up with 'Excuse me?!' in an offended tone and about to correct her on autism as well as identify myself as being on the spectrum...she was making a joke about her autistic husband who was also in the class and sitting next to her.

I had problems in the class with other students excluding me and the teacher having a go at me for less than perfect eye contact, so their discussing autism and my making the mistake to take an offended tone like that...led to a meltdown that made me miss a test. Doh.

So those of you who feel bad about not saying something...just remember keeping your mouth shut has it's advantages, lol

No-one's actually done that to me. Probably because it's not too widely known here. Although there's a surgeon on the show Shortland Street called Gabrielle and she's an Aspie. But no talk about her that I've heard. Yet one day, my blabbermouth sister who told her whole year level at school that I have Asperger's, comes home and tells me some people at school asked her if I'm obsessed with prime numbers like Gabrielle. I was angry with this A) because this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't said anything, and B) because I don't like people comparing me to other Aspies just because I'm one. Seriously, when my sister said that, I just felt like shouting "JUST BECAUSE THEY'VE MET ONE ASPIE DOESN'T MEAN THEY'VE MET THEM ALL!" Then I asked her to tell them that the next day back at school. I don't think she has though.

Her son is probably diagnosed with autistic disorder, not PDD-NOS, and not Asperger's.


My parents both think autism and Asperger's are separate. They both know AS is on the autism spectrum but they both think it's two different things.

Back in 2009, I was a a picnic and I was talking to this woman and she was talking about her son and she mentions he is autistic. I of course don't mention I have AS. She even mentioned how vaccines made her son autistic after I asked why has it increased because more kids are being diagnosed with it.

Then another time when I was 18, I was at the gym working out and I always saw the same guy there who also did work outs. I would play my music there on the stereo and one day the guy said he wanted to play his own music and I decided to tease him by saying I am special so I get to play my music and he can't play his. Then he mentions he has a special son and I asked what makes him special and he said "he has autism." I didn't mention about me having a form of it and my old school mate who happened to be there and knew I had it didn't say anything either.

I was at my nephews birthday party last December shortly before I had my baby and I noticed one of the women there had the book "Look Me in the Eye" and I asked her what she thought of that book and she said she had just started it so she didn't know yet. I didn't tell her I have it.



I just keep my diagnoses to myself and like to be a mystery. If they mention about me having it by asking me about it, they win. If they don't say a word about it, I win because they didn't catch me. I always win. But I always feel uncomfortable talking about autism with people because I am afraid of getting found out.

But this hardly ever happens - if it even happens at all. It's something that a lot of people use as an excuse to deny that self-dx can possibly be valid.

I also don't think that every nerd in the world with some minor social awkwardness thinks he has AS. My experiences actually interacting with nerds seems otherwise - admittedly, that's just my anecdote, but then so is your claim about "every nerd."

when i was at school the charves/chavs would take the p*ss out of autistics, i dont think they knew i was..