What do I do about my cousin?????

Post Reply New Topic

I have mild AS, but I think she might have a more severe case of it, because she is very quiet and monotonous, and you can see really from the first time you meet her that she is not "normal", to put it in a sense. She was bullied in her other school so much that she ended up depressed and taken out of school, and was put on medication, so really she is even in more of her own world now.

But now recently I think she is getting better, becase she seemd to be talking more, and her voice is less monotonous than before.

But tbh all she ever wants to do is go swimming every second week. She hates the cinema now becasue of "bad experiances." (My guess is that she saw people from her school there, and it scared her off going to the cinema), and tbh she never really ask for anything else to do, like going for a walk or going to her house (a bit like me actually, ha)

So hwo can I help her out more? Her meds have been put back earlier so that she is able to go out with the family at night at Christmas, so do U think I can ask he rif she wants to go out to the pub or something one of these nights? She is 21, btw, and I am 18. Becasue really we live in the same street together and there aint much for us to do around here.

Please help, I am her only friend connection outside of her family, as she does not talk to anyone from her school anymore (dont blame her tbh) so apart form me, she is really lonely (apart from those times where she likes her alone time), but I am not freat with social skills myself, so i need ur help!

"Things to do" does not necessitate "going out." Personally, I can't tolerate squandering my time on idle tasks like hanging out at the bar.

Perhaps she would respond better to doing a small activity at home with you, like having a craft night once a week. Sit together and knit or sew for a few hours, jsut the two of you or perhaps with another friend or two in tow? It's a less stressful way to socialize, in a more controlled environment. Plus, you have something to do with your hands, and something to show for it afterwards.

[edit: the other nice thing about hands-on craft socializing is that eye contact and body language do not factor into the socialization as much. Everyone is looking at their crafts instead of each other's faces.]

Oh, edit, she's 21. Well, maybe she'll like ice skating. I like ice skating and recommend it to everyone. Personally, going to a pub I would just basically not wanna go. I'd only go if someone else paid for me, and I'd eat a ton of food and maybe a few drinks, but I pretty much wouldn't socialize much there. Like I wouldn't be "afraid" of going to a pub, just I'd see zero point, but if someone paid for me to eat there, you know, screw it, I love free food.

Personally, my problem is, I actually for a period was really extroverted, and almost "cured" of my NVLD/AS. But the problem was, it all caught up to me. I could be basically, as they say on this board, an "NT" for a long while, but eventually people would either get mad at my idiosyncraties or I'd just need alone time, and a combo of them both just made me completely withdraw from almost all my "friends." Then you're put in a worse position than before, as then people think something is really wrong with you, or they think something is really wrong with them and think they greatly offended you or something. That's my sorta warning for trying to "cure" her. She might be "cured" for a time, but the problem is, if her base nature is ASey, she'll crash from just having to run an emulator literally all the time.

Swimming's really not a bad hobby for her, though.

1k Knives, I had a similar experience with extroversion in my 20s. I very much like the description of "running an emulator," which crashes, causing a "regression." That resonates with me.

"so do U think I can ask he rif she wants to go out to the pub or something one of these nights? She is 21, btw, and I am 18. Becasue really we live in the same street together and there aint much for us to do around here."

Yeah, I would definitely ask her if she would want to go out with you sometime. She might enjoy doing something like that with you. But be careful about what environment you throw her into, or she might easily be overwhelmed. For me, going out isn't a problem. It all depends on where and when we go (Friday nights can be packed full of rowdy egotistical jerks). Start slow, see if she would want to go for a couple hours on a weekday when the bars are slow.

You should be able to pick up on it, if shes completely overwhelmed. If she gets to that point when you guys are out, YOU should be the one take initiative and ask if she wants to head back. Definitely don't push her to stay out longer as she might just pretend everything's cool just to please you.

Since you both have some form of autism, I'm sure you can sympathize with her on some level, about what makes her uncomfortable. Talk to her and figure out what she enjoys and what she hates. Then build some suggestions off of that. I'm certain there are activities that the two of you can both enjoy.

Good luck

I was going to post a topic with this same title, but it was going to be in the Adult Autism Issues section.