do you have to achieve everything in your twenties ?

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chris1989
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11 Feb 2020, 7:42 am

One of the things that does my head in, is this idea that people HAVE to achieve everything in their twenties like get a degree after education at 22, be at the peak of a career from 23 to 26 and go on trips all around the world and from 27 to 29 you get married and start a family. I never got a degree, I'm working in a retail job for 3 and half years but I'm not sure if it is a career though and have only been on trips 3 times to Poland, Italy and Germany and not all over the world and still unmarried without children even though I am an uncle now to my sister's 2 month old son and I am not posting photos of my life on instagram, which I don't have and I don't know I would feel any better if did.



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11 Feb 2020, 8:19 am

Well, I’m now definitely approaching 40 (with white hairs in my beard to prove it :lol: )
I did do university: but that turned out to not be a help with regards to career (I did try working in the field I studied: it wasn’t good for my mental health).

So, I work part time in a manual labouring job, I’ve been abroad 4 times (Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona, Canaries) I am married: but no children, and a conscious plan not to have any.
I don’t mind any of it! :)

It sounds like you have an idea of how life is meant to progress in stages that is very “middle-class NT”: it doesn’t work for all of us: doesn’t even work like that for all NTs truth be told, it certainly didn’t work for me...
Although I had to go there and fail in person to know that. :roll:

We are in the position where we have no choice but to ‘march to the beat of our own drum’ as it were.
So make what virtue you can out of it! :wink:

(And I don’t bother with instagram/facebook: can’t be asked with keeping up with a deluge of one-man PR bollocks! :lol: )



AlanMooresBeard
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11 Feb 2020, 8:31 am

chris1989, you really need to get over this notion that you have to achieve every goal in your life by the age of 30. Most people aren’t even close to managing that when they are at that stage of their lives. You just need to hang in there. If you are determined to achieve something and are willing to work hard to get it, then you’ll be successful eventually.



Karamazov
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11 Feb 2020, 8:40 am

^ indeed: I didn't even start to work out what the hell I'm doing till past the age of thirty.

Cut yourself some slack :D



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11 Feb 2020, 8:44 am

I didn't know that rule. My career didn't start until 30. I started for kids then also, but due to factors outside of my control children weren't until 40. For me I'm hitting my stride near 50. I plan to achieve well into my 90s if I can. I look forward to things continuing to "come together" and have role models of outstanding folks who have done just that. Hang in there... for a whole bunch of decades more!



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11 Feb 2020, 8:52 am

There are powerful social dynamics in place that advocate conformity. However, these forces tend to assume that "one size fits all". If you feel pressure to follow a "life plan", it seems that it is pressure to live someone else's life.

It is better to live your own life and even suffer the consequences of your own decisions than to come to regret making an attempt to live the life of someone else.



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11 Feb 2020, 3:39 pm

Most people do achieve things in their 20s but that doesn't mean you have to achieve everything in your 20s. There is no law about it.


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chris1989
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11 Feb 2020, 3:43 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Most people do achieve things in their 20s but that doesn't mean you have to achieve everything in your 20s. There is no law about it.


Why do people achieve things in their 20s than any other age group ?



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11 Feb 2020, 3:58 pm

Pretty certain I'll never have a 'career' and definitely certain I will never have kids.


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11 Feb 2020, 4:05 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Re: do you have to achieve everything in your twenties? One of the things that does my head in, is this idea that people HAVE to achieve everything in their twenties like get a degree after education at 22, be at the peak of a career from 23 to 26 and go on trips all around the world and from 27 to 29 you get married and start a family...
The sooner a person achieves all of these goals, the better off their life will be. If you wait until your 60s to earn a university degree, you will have wasted 40 years of your life in retail. If you can afford a university degree, great! If you can’t, then be the best retail worker ever.

Good luck with that.


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11 Feb 2020, 4:08 pm

I paid off my house in my 40s and saved enough to retire in my 50s. Most folks don't do either of those in their 20s.



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11 Feb 2020, 4:22 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Most people do achieve things in their 20s but that doesn't mean you have to achieve everything in your 20s. There is no law about it.


Why do people achieve things in their 20s than any other age group ?


Well it is rather common for people to move out, get married and even have a baby in their 20s. I suppose it's because your 20s is the first decade of your adult life, but some NT people do achieve those goals in their 30s and 40s as well and that's OK.


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12 Feb 2020, 8:31 am

For most of my 20s, I had a mattress on the floor and no TV. I sort of lived the “bohemian/beatnik” life. I had a job. I got into debt. No foreign trips then. Didn’t learn to drive yet.



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12 Feb 2020, 8:34 am

^ditto on every point.



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12 Feb 2020, 8:51 am

The most important thing is not to get a criminal record.

I was able to “wait out” my debt. Paid everything in cash. Got my check garnished.

Made less mistakes in my 30s. Didn’t default on a loan on my own, but co-signed for someone who defaulted. Learned to drive at 37, but got an unlicensed driver charge which affected my insurance for a long while. Got my registration (but not my license) suspended. Which also affected my insurance. Also got a state tax lien (though paid soon after).

Things got much better in my 40s, though got into credit card debt.

Didn’t get my own car until I was 51.