Do you ever feel as if people are patronising you?

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MrJosh
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28 Nov 2011, 1:51 pm

I sometimes do. Especially in a work environment.

Sometimes I will speak with people and they will appear patronising, other times if I'm working with them, it seems as if they are trying to get more eye contact with me, speaking slower and just generally patronising.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but why are they doing this?

I don't have a diagnosis (other than Anxiety and Depression) and haven't told them anything.

Might some people just 'sense'?

Or am I just imagining it? :roll:



Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 1:53 pm

Used to. But pretty much put an end to that...


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MrJosh
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28 Nov 2011, 1:54 pm

Dae wrote:
Used to. But pretty much put an end to that...


How did you do that? :)



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28 Nov 2011, 1:56 pm

Yeah.

"You're so smart!"

Then stop talking to me like I'm a dog.



Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 2:09 pm

Ehm. There's no short answer to that, really. It's context-reliant/situational-specific. ...If I'd have to give a brief answer, it'd probably have to do with presenting a certain 'firmness' (probably [mis]labeled as 'aggressiveness' since I'm not of the gender 'firmness' is more readily accepted from). Part of it, too, has to do with more quickly recognizing (and accurately) when somebody's patronising me. Since learning I 'have' Asperger's (and having already gained experience with others' non-Aspie presentation of patronisation [correct spelling? -- I'm trying to use OP's British spelling...]), I've gotten an 'Aspie Attitude' that more-or-less naturally lends itself to more quickly spotting and addressing situations in which somebody's trying to talk down to me. That 'attitude' helps me be more likely to 'stand up' for myself.

Helpful at all? :)


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ediself
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28 Nov 2011, 2:32 pm

I, too, have learnt how too stop people from patronizing me. It can escalate into confrontation if you're not careful, to avoid this you should keep your answers short and seem self assured and look like you've lost interest in the conversation after answering. (you can also switch topics).
For example (I'm not good with generalisations lol) :
A person treats you like a child, cocking their head to the side and asking in a soft voice if you have been going out at all lately (truely happened, a virtual stranger.....).
The correct answer will be, not the plain truth (I haven't felt the need/ feel fine at home), it should be something that let them know they are intruding in your private life/none of their business.
Such as " Thank you for taking such a keen interest in my social life (broad smile), so how are your children doing?"
redirecting them to the people they are confusing you with should let them know they have crossed a line, I think. Even if it doesn't, they'll get the hint after a few of those "non answers".



Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 3:38 pm

ediself: Thanx so much for being more succinct. :) I really like the description re 'misdirection'. Can I be like you when I grow up? LOL


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fraac
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28 Nov 2011, 3:45 pm

I get this and it's so weird! NTs talk to me like I'm stupid. Even my mum does it. Words have no effect on them.



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28 Nov 2011, 7:00 pm

Dae wrote:
ediself: Thanx so much for being more succinct. :) I really like the description re 'misdirection'. Can I be like you when I grow up? LOL

:lol: I know that I basically "built up on your post" with an example but really I'm a completely concrete thinker. Can't seem to speak in an abstract way...
I give you permission to be almost like me when you grow up. Let's not aim too high...
(KIDDING :lol: )



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28 Nov 2011, 7:07 pm

I like when I am trying to make a point.......and people who probably do get it pretend not to so I can look stupid trying to explain it to them. :roll:


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Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 7:08 pm

Funny! And anyway, if that's you in your avatar...I don't have much of a chance. ...My hair will never be that dark! Ha! :lol:

But, no. Your answer helped fill in the gaps mine probably created. Aspies being patronised is a widespread issue.

...Doing my part to decrease unwarranted condescension [sounds like a good saying for a t-shirt, yes?]


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Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 7:09 pm

Oof. Sweatleaf snuck in ahead of me. My above posting was towards ediself. :)


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ediself
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28 Nov 2011, 7:27 pm

Dae wrote:
if that's you in your avatar...I don't have much of a chance.

That's Dita Von Teese....Marylin Manson's wife. The stripper. I don't stand a chance either :D



Dae
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28 Nov 2011, 7:32 pm

You're not patronising me, are you? [hehe]

btw, the whole 'spooky whisper' thing gets me everytime...

Ok. Somebody get us back on track, please. :)


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ediself
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28 Nov 2011, 8:13 pm

Dae wrote:
You're not patronising me, are you? [hehe]

btw, the whole 'spooky whisper' thing gets me everytime...

Ok. Somebody get us back on track, please. :)

I'm not :D
It's funny because it's a line from matrix, supposed to mean that reality is a dream, super meaningful and creepy, and I said it to my sister once on the same tone in the kitchen, we were indeed out of spoons, she was standing there with her yogurt, we couldn't stop laughing for almost a week.
I put it on here cause I loved this moment :p
edit: omg I can't even see the track anymore. where is my compass...



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28 Nov 2011, 10:13 pm

Only my parents... it's annoying. Psychologists/psychiatrists seem to as well. It seems like it's impossible to not be patronized when you have mental health issues.