Question Aspies

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From the last warm response I received I figure I would ask another question. When is the most advantageous time to let someone you may consider dating that you have Asperger's? Or should you avoid the topic all together and let them attempt and figure it out?

I think it can depend on the individual. Personally, although I am not sure if I have aspergers or not, if someone told me they had aspergers and I liked them it wouldn't put me off dating them. So they could probably tell me quite early on, but someone else might be different as they may have more trouble accepting it.

So the answer is, it depends.

There is someone who I talk to online sometimes who has aspergers and he was nervous about telling me in case I ran a mile and wouldn't speak to him. We are just friends who talk now and then at the moment but I like him so if he ever wanted to date me I would date him lol. He is very sexy and I like his personality.

People are strange creatures though, in that you can never tell how they might respond to something.

It depends on whether you're looking for a long term relationship or just a date or two. For me, I want someone who accepts me as I am. Some things are going to be quite obvious fairly quickly. Just as an example, if my date expected me to go to a noisy nightclub with strobe lights and such I'd have to suggest another option. There is no way I could do that. I am fidgety/stimmy. I might seem like I'm ignoring him when that really isn't my intention. My social skills aren't the greatest. Certain touches are a big turn off. Explaining the ASD might work. If that's not ok with him, then I'd just as soon not bother. I could probably get through a quiet dinner or something without having to explain anything.

On the other hand, if someone was just looking for a casual relationship it might not be necessary to say anything.

It might be best to explain your own particular needs or differences rather than the blanket statement "I have Aspergers". Too many people have no clue what that is. If you don't explain anything at all your intended date is likely to think it's him/her or otherwise misinterpret you entirely. What is important to you?

I think you need to date someone long enough to know that you truly care about them, and they truly care about and accept you, before telling, but in that point in a relationship it should be perfectly fine to tell. If someone dumps you for who you are they would only be bad for you in the long run and aren't worth dating, but theres no point in bringing it up unless the two of you plan on a serious relationship, because if they dont accept you they may be quite cruel about it, and if they genuinely care about you and are worth dating it wont change how they see you.

I honestly dont get allot of the highschool drama going on... If you dont like a person and they make you unhappy, or they dont like you dont date them... why do so many nts seem to have problems with this idea?

I don't bother telling anyone unless one of two situations comes up.

1 - They bring up Autism (for example, they know someone with it, or it just comes up as a conversational topic)
2 - Something about my Autism may cause, or already has caused an issue.

In other words, "as needed." Pretty simple really. Just keeping to those two simple requirements has done me very well. I'm never uncomfortable talking about it though.

This is one of my main worries. I really fancy a man at the moment and I speak to him, and because my love feelings seem to take over my mind I come across as very chatty and sociable and you wouldn't think there is anything wrong with me at all. But if he asks me out and wants to get to know me more and spends more time with me, I would probably have to tell him about my diagnosis before he notices odd things about me. The trouble is, I'm a very complex person. My AS is never obvious to other people, and neither is anything else. People may suspect I'm weird, but then there might be another part of me that isn't weird and they think ''oh she can't be that weird if she does X and Y'', and then they might suspect Bipolar then think ''no hold on a minute, she doesn't do X or Y'', and then they might suspect something else then something else, and just spend the rest of their lives being unsure about me. So the best option is just to tell them. But, me being complex goes to my advantage because I don't need to specifically say I have AS. I could (and do) get away with saying that I have social phobia, or an anxiety disorder, or I suffer with my nerves, or other little disorder like that. That's what I tell my friends, and they believe me. I just think saying, ''I have an ASD'' is a bit harsh because I got disbelieved before when I told someone that. They just looked at the stereotypes and the myths, and said that I haven't got those, and so thought I was making it up as an excuse. That set me back.

How about: I can't handle a lot of noise, could we go to a (whatever place) instead? or whatever explanation of needs. Putting the diagnosis out there probably wouldn't mean a whole lot. Sucking it up and going somewhere where you're liable to have a meltdown would be a bad idea.