I could do with some help.

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So, my younger brother has diagnosed Autism, Im no genius on the subject but I know this can be genetic? Im soon to turn 19, Since I was about 13 I thought what I find difficult was normal, But in the last year or so I've turned my head to Autism/Asp. Im going to do my best to describe what I go through as well as possible and it could turn into a horribly set out list.

The first one is sociability. This has caused some problems for me and my girlfriend... Now, if its people who have the same main interest as me I dont find it as hard to feel comfortable. However, if im invited into the house of someone I don't know, like a friend of my girlfriend for example I tend to not talk or make eye contact, and sometimes it's got to the point where I've got worked up and made an excuse to leave which is very embarrassing on my girlfriends part. Im not sure why this is but it's something about being in someone elses house that I don't know that makes me feel like I dont have the right to talk, so I get scared, then think people are watching me or judging me for shutting myself out. Its the same when I go to my girlfriends house and one of her parents try talking to me, I politely as possible give one worded answers in the hope its going to make it be over quicker. This is the same in college, although I don't see it as a problem, I don't speak a word in lesson, I leave everyone else to get on with it and they do the same for me. But when im in say a skate park, which is full of people with the same main interests as me (bmx) I don't get worked up or feel scared, I can be as sociable as i want...

Another big one for me is not feeling safe in my own head. There was a period of about 5 months where I'd go to see my girlfriend, and id ignore her and be in a mood all night, except I wasn't in a mood at all, id be sat there, not talking, but i can hear myself in my head saying ''Im not even in a mood, stop being so ridiculous and talk to her'' but it'd feel like something or someone was stopping me from doing so, this lead to serious mental battles for me and I managed to convince myself I had split personality syndrome. It would happen when i was out and about with friends, id be happy then with the click of a fingers id exclude myself, ignore everyone and even sometimes cry. And while this was going id be telling myself to stop it, but again, it felt like another force was stopping me from doing so, no matter how much I wanted to. Luckily this is A LOT less frequent. I think of the worst outcomes most situations, like say my girlfriend goes out with friends and doesn't come home when she says she will and doesn't answer her phone, horrible things pop into my head even though every time things are fine and have very reasonable explanations.

The others aren't as big and don't affect my life as much. For example, I have a short attention span and find myself staring at nothing, or if im reading a sentence I forget the first half of it before I get to the end, so I read it again, and again and again until I take it all in, not just the last few words. This isn't an every time thing, but it happens enough to annoy me. Another thing I find hard to deal with is how easily i can cry. But its only a few things that trigger this, if i see a clip of an old man crying it'l send me straight off. It doesn't necessarily make me feel sad, its like just seeing it triggers some kind of crying mechanism. Same with movies, even if its a really cheesy sad scene, I don't get upset, I just start to feel a crying session come on.

Background noises for me start off quiet, then without choosing to I find myself listening closer, for example, when I sit in my bedroom and I can hear the wind outside my house, it slowly turns into the sound of people shouting/fighting from a distance etc. Other small things like shutting the fridge over and over until it makes a satisfying thud when it shuts, locking a door, then checking it, unlocking it, then locking it again and checking it, then walking up stairs to bed, then turning back half way up the stairs to check it and lock it again. I went through a phase of only eating pot noodles, and collecting around 250 coloured, circle pieces of foil that come on the top and was reluctant to get rid of them. Same with collecting cigarette paper packets. I also have a strange ability to listen to a song once and remember each lyric. I also find myself singing along to songs ive never heard, or if someone talks to me i find myself saying what they say in my head as they say it and try to say it before they do, but it ends up being just as they say it or a fraction after. When im left alone I find myself asking if im ''all there'' then il think ''if i am 'all there' would I be asking myself if i am''.

I used to find all this normal, but now its all starting to dawn on me and I find myself think about every detail of it far too much and if im honest its really REALLY starting to get me down. Is there any kind of test I can do online for an official diagnosis? Because Im not the kinda person that can sit down and spill my heart out to a doctor as im sure many of you can understand :/ I also want to know your opinion and unprofessional diagnosis as I feel it would comfort me.

There is no online test for an official diagnosis. You could go to the top of this forum and take some of the online quizzes to get an idea whether you might be on the spectrum, but that's not official. If you have trouble talking to someone who could make a diagnosis write out all you've said here along with anything else that's going on with you.

There are more reasons which lead me to believe I may have some form of Autism but for now I must leave and will be back later in the day.