Honesty Compulsion and Fear of Not Being Believed

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I've been called forthright and "painfully honest" by people who have known me, and I feel a certain inner compulsion to be truthful. I don't like to lie, because it feels too awful and distressing; I know it's wrong anyway; and I don't even think I'm good at it (nor do I care to be, given my first two points). But I also have a deep fear of not being believed, even when I'm telling the truth. I've had experiences that have contributed to this, and it certainly adds to my sense that there's no point in lying, because it won't help if I'm going to be assumed to be lying regardless. On the other hand, it gives me a sense of futility concerning my attempts at getting others to understand me when I try to tell people about things I've been through and when I make efforts at explaining things about myself and my life.

I guess I'm wondering if my aversion to lying and fear of others' disbelief when I'm truthful are only from my experiences or part of the nature of Asperger's. Does anyone know or at least have an opinion?

I have issues with disbelief because I was constantly accused of lying when I was growing up. No matter what I said, it was wrong and I was punished. When I get the impression someone doesn't believe me, I sometimes try too hard to be believed.

I have compulsive honesty something fierce...I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of being disbelieved so much as I am upset and disappointed when I am disbelieved. Or worse, when someone knows I'm compulsively honest (because I compulsively told them so) and they ask me to lie for them anyway. I guess I'm not afraid of being disbelieved because it happens so often that I just kind of expect it.

The quetion is hard to answer, because I have the same fear but I have the same circumstances as you, an aspie, a bit abused as a teen (not as a child though, I mean not by my parents).
It was so bad at some point that I would start telling the truth about something important, and when I HAD to be believed I'd start smiling and looking like a liar halfway through because of this thought "omg look truthful, look like it's the truth, they'll never believe you!! !! !"
When it WAS the truth......................
It was bad. It's mostly gone now, mainly because I care less (and no parents to look at me sideways with a "oh, she's lying AGAIN" look on their face helps a whole lot....)

My life tends to be a story of people finally believing me when it's too late to help me.

I have the same problem. In my case I am becoming more aware now, that I am the one not sure if the other person thinks I am lying, then I become suspicious. In some situations I'll think the person doesn't believe me but really, I'm bad at reading faces (go figure), so I don't have a real reason to think one way or the other.
I agree that it is probably something that is exacerbated by AS, but is more of an experience thing. One of my obsessions growing up was fossils. My family thinks the earth is about 5000 years old . Telling my family the age of some of the old some fossils that I found is a good example of a bad experience with being told I am wrong, lying, mistaken, etc. There were many more instances like this, so I really can relate to the past experience having an effect.

I will lie when the situation calls for it of if it's needed for various reasons, but what bothers me is when I'm telling the truth and someone doesn't believe me who has no reason not to believe me.

Now, I know some of you are thinking "Well, if you do lie then you don't deserve to be believed ever" but that's wrong. I haven't been caught lying, so why would they ever suspect that I am, especially when I'm telling the truth.

Oddly enough, people don't think I'm lying about actions, they think I'm lying about motivations. THATS what bothers me, when people accuse me of lying about WHY I'm doing something. Or when they suspect ulterior motive for doing something completely normal.

Here is an example: Say it's 2:30 am and I wake up with a splitting headache. We have no Tylenol, no nothing. I have to go to the store. I hate driving at night and it's only about a half mile away to the one store open at 2:30 am, so I dress and go. I'm in a small town and nobody is out that late so naturally, when the cop sees me he pulls me over just to see where I'm going. It usually goes like this"

Carl the cop - shining the flashlight in on me - : "Where you going Miss Frances?"
Me : To the supermart I'm out of Tylenol
Carl : You been drinking?
Me : No Carl, I been sleeping. I'm going to the supermart, right there, to get Tylenol, you can come with me.
Carl : Whats in the glove box?
Me - reaching over to open it and gettng ticked - : The tag receipt! You need to just go on or follow me over there, my heads splitting and I want my Tylenol
Carl : Get outta the car a minute
Me : Oh my God! REALLY????
Carl : Empty out your pockets
Me : If I HAD DRUGS would I be going to the supermart at this ungodly hour TO GET TYLENOL?
Carl : You ain't gotta be rude, I'm just doing my job
Me : Well you ain't gotta be such a total idiot Carl, you know I don't do drugs and when my head explodes from the pain, I bet you get in trouble for it
Carl : You was headed up toward the trailer park, I know what goes on there
Me : Because thats the way to the supermart from my house. There is no other way unless I want to to completely around town.
Carl : What you gone do with that $20 in your pocket?
Me - completely fed up by now because of his stupidity and taking my chances because I know he isn't gonna do anything - Carl, I'm going to go buy crack with it. Right now. Watch me. - Get back in my car and drive right over to the supermart where I'm across the street from it when he pulls me over. Go in, get my tylenol and my Sprite, stand at the counter and open it, take two, walk out, wave at Carl with the bottle of it in my hand, shake my head, get back in my car and leave.

That won't work at all in a city. It only works in small towns where you know each other well. He knows where I live, where my husband works, where my Mother lives, who my kids are, and that I don't like to drive at night so I go slow and if he decided to waste time by messing with me more, it would only be a low speed chase to follow me home. But he would get there before I could anyway. See, what bothers me in that situation is that he should know that I'm not doing something wrong, I've told him, never had trouble like that, and he kept on treating me like I was. I got mad. I get mad if I have a check bounce and when I go to call the place where it bounced and apologize, they act like I meant to do it.

I know it's cops jobs to be suspicious of everything. But when you know everybody in town and can easily check out what they are telling you? They know who does what here, and that I'm not one of them. They also don't like me because I tell them off when they start being butts.

Once, my younger son was home sick. He was here all day. He had been to the doctor and was here, where I could see him - and wait on him hand and foot - all day. This cop comes by, somebodys air conditioner got stolen and the description of the thief matched my son. I told him he's been here all day sick. Been to the doctor. Cop told me "Mothers lie, we don't believe mothers" I said "Then why did you even ask me?" He wanted to talk to my son, so I went and got him and brought him on the porch. He was still in night clothes and obviously sick. The cop starts in on him. My son explains where he's been all day. Doctors and home. Cop still doesn't believe him. Cop tells us both that they found cigarette butts that the thief had dropped at the "scene of the crime" - bear in mind this was an old $100 used air conditioner from a falling down trailer they were investigating, and that he's going to get a subpeona for my son's dna to match to the cigarette butts. Well, that was so freaking stupid that I went off on him. I told he he's been watching entirely too much CSI, and with the financial resources this town has, they would be lucky to be able to pay for fingerprints from a severed hand at a murder scene, let alone DNA from cigarette butts, and to get real, call the doctors and confirm his appointment, and go talk to the other 25 or so tall, skinny, blonde haired teenage boys in this town. Then I slammed the door and fumed for the rest of the day. My son hasn't been in trouble for stuff like that, the cop up the street just doesn't like him because of an argument that my son and his son had, so the cops bug him. That's how it works when you have a total of six full time cops in a small town.

Being accused of lying when I'm telling the truth is something sure to ruin my day.

Frances

I used to have meltdowns when people didn't believe me... I still do, actually.

I always have that fear when I have to present my ID for any reason. I never used a fake ID, so there's no rational basis for it at all, but I'm always unable to look whoever is inspecting the ID in the eye (shocking, I know) and I just "feel" like I'm lying, like there's no way that they'll believe that I'm really, say, over 21 if it happens when buying alcohol.

I'm still trying to figure out what it is that people don't trust about me. My husband has sort of given me clues; I don't act 'right', you're twirling your hair so you must be guilty, if you were innocent you'd be more upset. Doctors don't believe a word I say. Hell, while I was in labor, I told the nurses it was time to push and they laughed at me because 'you'd be screaming your head off if you were in transition." I had my daughter without drugs and yes, it was time to push. That sensation is pretty unmistakable once you experience it.

I suppose the lack of appropriate body language is a powerful if invisible disability.

I am often accused of lying when I am not. Unless the situation calls for a lie I prefer not to lie about things.

A situation that would warrant a lie would be, for example, if I had a friend with an abusive husband and she came around to my house after they had a fight and he had hit her. If he rang or turned up at my place looking for her, in that case I would lie and say I had not seen my friend in an attempt to protect her.

But unless it is a situation that requires a lie to protect someone etc I prefer to be honest. Lying is just uncomfortable.

I can identify with so many of these. If I even allow someone to believe an incomplete truth, I'm wracked with guilt and my poor hubby has to hear about it for DAYS! lol

But people think I'm lying or exaggerating or something ALL. THE. TIME!

I was told I wasn't in labor with both my kids. So stupid!

I've had the manager of a grocery store refuse to let me buy my groceries because she was sure I was trying to shoplift in addition to the $100+ of food I wanted to buy. =/ I wasn't doing anything weird, just going isle by isle with my list like I always do. She insisted I empty my pockets...which I did...and when I wasn't hiding anything, she called the cops! The cops said she didn't have to let me buy my groceries there, but they wouldn't arrest me for shoplifting without evidence. I was banned from the store, and they put a security photo of me by all the registers with big black letters that said "SHOPLIFTER! Call manager if seen" so all the checkers would know not to sell to me. WTF????

I've also had people think my ID was fake. Usually they just refuse to let me in or sell to me or whatever (sometimes they just give me a big wink wink and accept it anyway. creepy) When I was about 19, I still smoked and had a lady at a gas station hold onto my ID and call the cops because she was sure I had stolen someone else's ID and was trying to use it to buy cigarettes. She told me I better be gone before the cops got there...but she wouldn't give my ID back! It was a huge fiasco and I still got a lecture from the cops like they thought I was doing something wrong but couldn't prove it...and I was told I better stay away from that store, and if they get anymore calls about me they would arrest me. They did give me my ID back though, at least.

I could go on and on with the crazy stories...but obviously, I have trust issues and always worry that people don't believe me. lol