my husband dont belive I or my daughter have autism

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its so frustrating,I recently got the pdd-nos diganose and my daughter had asburgers,yet my husband dont believe it ugh,he just thinks we both have been babied to much in our life,trust me I was far from babied in my life,he says the only thing wrong with u is your a big baby,then he says how I act like I dont care about stuf that may not effect me,I tell him no thats part of autism,we seem rude or uncaring when we are not we just dont deal with stuff the way you normals do,anyways Iv decided not to bring it up again

He's abusive. Divorce him. NOW.

(I realize that divorcing takes a long process, but at least start it.)

Don't avoid the subject. He needs to f*** himself and leave you and your kid alone. You can tell him I said that, too.

he isnt abusive hes just am ass lol no really he is a good dad and he takes care of us,he is the one that convinced me to go back to school and get my ged,I thinks its because for one he is not from this country so he was raised ay diffrent and he has naver heard of stuff like autism,he had help raise his siblings at age 9 and he had to work to provide an income,so even though he gets on my nerves at times he does take good care of us,also he is not the only one my dad dont believe it ither,he says the same thing that my daughter has been babied to much although he cant say that about me cause he knows he never babied me,the on;y ones that belive is my grandma and my sister

this might be a problem if you try to get services for your daughter. when the school brings it up you will have to talk about it so leave it until then if you have no other option.

I have no problem with that I talk it about with her school and other people Im just not gona mention it much with him he just thinks we are a bit slow,he says there is nothing wrong with you you just have to try harder well duh but there is something wrong with me autism its why I have to try harder ,I often wish I was just normal,because all my life Iv been told Im wierd yet no one will tell me how

its frustrating. i have lived with my diagnosis a long time. i have found that obsessing over it often leads to depression. i get depressed because there ain't anything i can do about the way i was born. i have been told that when people get diagnosed there is a feeling that it explains a lot. i was diagnosed at age 6 so i don't know that feeling. idk though. i mean as long as he doesn't stand in the way of you or your daughter getting the help you need he can just think you are "slow" if that idea pleases him.

no he dosent and that is what he thinks that Im justs slow whaich I am lol but its related to the autism amd your right after my diganosis Im like wow that expalins so much,I wish I got it when i was young it would had help so much but thats why Im getting my dd help cause I know what its like I had a rough childhood and poor grades and I dont want that for her,

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Last edited by nat4200 on 19 Apr 2012, 5:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

well idk how to deal with normal people so i couldn't help you try to convince him of anything. i mean it seems like he admits you have the symptoms of it he just doesn't like the harshness of being branded with a mental disease. i know that people in other cultures don't accept mental disease like we do because to them the only identifiable ones are violent and profoundly ret*d people. he sees you aint violent or ret*d so he can't believe that there could be anything wrong with you. idk its a tough issue. getting a young diagnosis has its pros and cons for sure. these days the schools handle things better than when i was diagnosed so maybe a young diagnosis ain't as bad as it used to be.

I think you hit the nail on this,because your right other culters like his dont see this stuff so they dont get it,also where he was born people are very poor so even if they do have autism or other mental issus they couldnt afford to go to a dr so they are just known as being slow, plus the kids we have togeter are normal so that confuses him my oldest is by another man but my oldest dad had issuse to adhd and I belive probaly autism also,I found out his sisters son was diganosed with autism but he has it bad he cant talk,so I think its runs in the famil mabe,but my husband well he dont get mental issus he just thinks people are slow,so I just dont bring it up he dont get mad or anything just always says there ain nothing wrong with us we just slow and need to try harder

Jesus, you really think your qualified to suggest something like that, after reading 5 sentences about the guy? Common man. You should really be a little more careful when offering advise.

Constant belittling is abuse. Simple. Justify his behaviour however you want. The effect on you is the same.

As to how to convince him that you have it... I don't have an answer. Why don't you ask him what it would take for him to be convinced of your diagnosis? It's a start.

And where was constant belittling mentioned?

In here somewhere.

1. Your husband is not a professional and as you say may not even be familar with Autism Spectrum Disorders thus his opinon is not really valid. If you and you're daughter recieved a diagnosis from someone who does know about these disorders that is the opinon that hold more wieght on whether you and your daughter have Autism.
2. Nothing is wrong with you or your daughter. Your brains are just set up diferently from your husbands. This is not a crime, a punishment, a curse, a result of you/your daughter's upbringing, does not mean you're just slow nor anything to be ashamed of. Everyone is different, it's just some Neurotypicals don't want to accept those whose difference goes farther than what they choose to see as normal. Normal is a relative word anyway and varies by culture. In fact those living on the spectrum can be seen as being in another culture, the Autistic culture.
3. Now that you both are diagnosed, you should learn what these disorders entail and how they affect you two personally. Just like Neurotypicals, we on the spectrum are not all the same either. A disorder is a part of you but its not all you are. You and your daughter must learn to accept your diagnoses in your own way and for yourselves, not for anyone else. Then, when you are ready, seek those who will accept you for all of who you are and who don't mind you have PDD-NOS or that your daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. If you need support, you can always find it here. You say your grandmother and sister believe your diagnosis. They can be great resources for acceptence and support as well.
4. I mean no personal offense but your husband sounds like an ignorant, self-centered/arrogant prick. He clearly has no clue what he is talking about. His words are false and slanderous. Further, these kind of statements do infact constitute verbal/emotional abuse towards you and your daughter. I certainly hope he doesn't trash talk to his own child in this way, but if he's doing it to you and refuseing to accept the diagnosis, he has the potenial of doing it to her too.
5. Just because your husband was raised in a different "culture" doesn't excuse him acting like an @$$. Autism is universal: effects people in all cultures. Nothing is preventing him from looking up legitament information on ASDs and useing those to form his opinions instead of malaying you with out cause because he refuses to accept a wife and child with Autism. He would rather you two be "slow" than having PDD-NOS and Asperger's Syndrome (both of which can come with great gifts). If he can't accept all of you and your daughter and would rather belittle you guys I don't know why you'd want to be with him but that is for you alone to deside.
6. He make take care of you and your daughter in the financial sence but if this is how he reacts toward you guys over brain difference he is not taking care of you emotionally in careing for you. If he does this to your daughter then he is not a good dad and can harm her self-esteem. If he thinks she is "slow" and spoiled and that's why he thinks she was diagnosed w/ AS than I don't see how he will be conductive to her emotional and mental development. People tend to act toward a person based on what they think/feel about that person. For your daughters sake I certainly hope he doesn't start acting on his opinons.
7. Just because he had to start working young to support his family does not give him the right to look down on others who didn't. Both my parents grew up in poverty and had to help support their families. My mother was cooking, doing laundry and tending house for her large family at 12. My father got a paper route at 11 and by the time he graduated form HS was working two other jobs as well. He doesn't belittle my siblings or me because we didn't have to work as kids. He doesn't belittle me because I have Asperger's Syndrome or tell me I'm slow or babied and just need to try harder. He encourages my intellectual development/abilities, supports me when I have difficulties (even though resulting from my disorder) and lets me know, as does my mom, that its ok to be an Aspie, they are proud of me and let me be proud of myself/accepting of my diagnosis. I know that not everyone on the spectrum have such supportive parents, or are as close to their parents as I am. But dads/husbands don't have to act like yours did either.

it ain't abuse. he has his own opinion. people jump to yelling abuse so quick these days. his opinion ain't hurting anybody because he ain't forcing it on anyone. if he wants that opinion he can have it. it doesn't sound like constant belittling to me. it sounds like he can't believe that his wife has AS and he is trying to tell her that he thinks different. he admitted she has the symptoms. he lets her get help for them. he just doesn't accept the label of a mental issue.