Do any of these questions sound rude to you.

Post Reply New Topic

"Could I have that beer now?"

"Is my yoghurt ready yet?"

Both times when I said something like this people laugh at me. My sister even gave me a high five for the last one. I'm not sure if they can tell that I don't know I'm being rude or not. Her husband/ boyfriend whatever usually repeats what I say in a bossy accent. He's a great guy so I'm trying to not to let it get to me.

I know people usually say it's not what you say but how you say it. I usually speak in a gentle but slightly assertive voice. With the yoghurt I waited until after I saw the cooked meals were given and it didn't make sense that something that doesn't involve that much preparation, let alone cooking, would take so long.

I asked for the beer like that because it had been offered to me before. Perhaps I could have said, "I would like that beer now" and get laughed at for being so formal.

Your input please. How can I avoid sounding so rude?

The laughing reminds me of people who laugh at a young child for being too honest.

It's hard to say in just text. Where were you? The second question in that context doesn't sound particularly rude. Adding please to the beer question might soften it a bit but I don't think it was rude. Your sister's boyfriend may just be a jerk. It wouldn't be at all rude to tell him to knock it off. He's rude.

It's really ok to be assertive. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, true. Here's where I think AS gets women. We're socialized to be nice at all times. So, that gets in there pretty rigidly. Then we get scared because we can't gauge how we're coming across, so it's nice, nice, nice all the time. It's ok to be assertive. Eventually it doesn't pay to be nice. Bad service at a restaurant is bad service. You don't have to be super nice about it. There is no way you are going to please all people all the time.

Do you have someone around who could listen to your voice to see if there's something unintentional coming through? Jerks don't count. Niceness aside, I am sometimes misinterpreted because of my voice I think. I honestly can't tell.

He's usually very nice. Maybe I can roll my eyes at him or show him that I'm over it.

The waitress I said that to was my sister's daughter and she responded fairly evenly but I'm sure she has to deal with customers complaining. I wasn't complaining though. I rarely do it but when you tell someone your order three times and they mess it up I'll go down and give em an ear full. I'm not half as bad as my mum.

The waitress (daughter) might be a person I could ask about whether what I'm saying sounds rude. We get to talk in kitchen when we bump into each other having lunch.

It's just all very embarrassing.

Also, not sure if you've read many of my posts on the topic but her mother doesn't really like diagnostic labels so I don't think she knows much about our bluntness. Maybe I need to tell her too I simple say "was that rude? I can't tell."

Oh, btw the yoghurt thing happened in a cafe and the beer thing happened in our house.

Last edited by pensieve on 22 Dec 2011, 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i think its the time additions to the questions, "now" and "yet" if i had to guess id say they translate those being in the sentence as signs of impatience...

I know. I do the same thing when even think I've been rude. Give the daughter a try. It never hurts to check in with people you know. So I was told in communication class.

You could be onto something.

Yoghurt was kind of a healing remedy today so I was feeling kind of desperate. The beer thing was just a poor use of words.
I have learned now.

Yeah, probably this. I have to watch this in myself because I tend to be really impatient, especially when I need to eat.

"Did somebody mention beer?"
"How is that yoghurt doing" or "I'm looking forward to that yoghurt"

These are ways this Aspie does this kind of thing to avoid what might sound to an NT like a rudely direct question. But as others have said, a lot depends on context, and on tone of voice........

Good tip. I will use these in the future.

Neither of them sounded rude.

You can start asking people what are you supposed to say instead. Also if they are laughing, try and ask them what is so funny.

Maybe you can start saying please when you ask and see if that changes anything.

You would have to make a conscious effort to access the situation( as well as your mood) before you say anything. Then, you would have to practice your tone and delivery. People can say things in a gentle assertive voice THAT comes across as sarcastic.

I think IF people are laughing and giving you high fives THAN it sounds like you are getting praised for 'telling someone off'.

IT might NOT be a problem as long as you are around friends and the person THAT you're speaking to does NOT take offense.

IF you remember one thing THAT i say on this forum, remember this: You never ever want to piss off the person preparing your food IF at all possible.

TheSunAlsoRises

Well, heh, it's not rude if an NT asks those questions just like that, but when an Aspie does.........

It's has nothing to do with being Aspie or Neuro-Typical.

We're talking about perception. She asked for feedback because i believe she has concerns. I gave her a scenario of what could be occurring based on her description. In general, people will let certain behavior slide if you're with a group of friends and they are NOT. I don't want her sincere questions to be misinterpreted when she's out alone(if she goes out alone).

There is nothing omnipotent about being Neuro-typical.

In fact, those of you who wished to be 'normal' or 'cured' might find that being Neuro-typical isn't quite what it's cracked up to be.

Listen, the last three decades or so, NTs have been on more psychotropic medications than their previous predecessors despite the fact they have acquired more and better access to the basic necessities of life. What does that tell you?

If you ever get a chance(if you haven't) check out the Dudley Moore and Peter Cook version of BEDAZZLED.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z8AddFYCnA&feature=related[/youtube]