crazy convo w/ my sister...need help interpting

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So my sister was in finals in her last year of law school and she was super busy during thanxgiving. So she calls up and tell me that she wont be able to come down for thanxgiving because she is in the middle of finals.
I thought I was being understanding and helping her get off the hook when I told her not to worry, She is always busy this time of year and I wasnt expecting her to come over. Well she lit into me like pitbull on a rope toy and whips are around and yells at me telling me, "I dont know why I bother talking to you guys." Then I tried to understand why she was mad...and it got worse from there.
So she calls my mom and my brother and tells them that I was being sarcastic (which I wasn't) and they get an earful. Meanwhile I have mental whiplash trying figure out what I said to set her off like that.

Now Christmas is coming up and we are having Christmas at her place and I still havent figured out why she was mad at me.

Any ideas what went wrong??

Jojo

I would chalk it up to her most likely being stressed out over finals, and feeling bad that she couldn't be there for thanksgiving. Hope that helps.

So she thought you were being sarcastic when you told her not to worry?

I have no explanation for this crazy conversation. It makes no sense.

You were not being sarcastic, and I don't understand why anyone would be sarcastic in this situation. What is there to be sarcastic about, and why would she interpret you like you were being sarcastic and therefore that anyone would have anything to be sarcastic about here? Sarcasm doesn't seem to have a place in this situation.

Sister: I'm not coming home for Thanksgiving.
You: Don't worry about it.
You (in Sister's mind): <sarcasm>Don't worry about it.</sarcasm>

???

I think it was probably a combination her stress over finals, guilt over not being able to come down for Thanksgiving, and possibly, not certainly, but possibly, when you were trying to be sympathetic you may have accidentally used the wrong tone. It may have came out slightly different than you intended and she took everything the wrong way and overreacted.

Tone was the hardest thing for me to learn. Sometimes I still use the wrong tone. Because on one level I'm always monitoring my tone of voice to get the "right" one, I'm very conscious of it, but if I'm stressed or in a hurry, I can easily use the wrong one. When I get a bad reaction and I know I've said the right words I'll say "Wait, that came out wrong, I didn't mean it the way it sounded". My family is used to that, but strangers think I'm a nutcase when I do it.

I'm very sensitive to others tone. Probably from paying very close attention to it all the time for so long trying to figure out exactly what people mean. I can detect even a slight negativity or change in their tone and I get greatly upset over it. Especially my family. They know I'm extremely sensitive to tone of voice. Odd for an aspie, I know, but I didn't used to be that way at all until I was maybe 12 or 13 and learned that tone of voice really was important and I should probably pay attention to it. Once I started figuring out the differences, I paid attention to _the_minutae_of_every_little_difference_in_every_word_.

NT's are about as sensitive to tone as I am. Not emotionally sensitive, but sensitive as in they can get the meaning whether or not they have any emotional reaction to it. Tone of voice will give me an emotional reaction quicker than words will. Probably because I focus so much on it. Words themselves are easy, tone on the other hand, is raw emotion in the voice, and when it's bad emotion, it hurts me.

I never sat down and really practiced tone of voice, because I hate to hear myself on tape or anything, but I'd say things out loud and see how they sounded and try different tones and stresses on words, when I was alone. I still do that today. When I'm alone, I'll repeat movie or TV dialogue if it's something I like or want to use something similar. I'll repeat it to myself two or three times exactly like that.

So, this whole long post was just to say that it was probably stress plus your inintended tone. Or possibly just her stress if you don't have a tone problem like me.

_________________
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Her time of the month?? Wudnt worry bou it anyways, u probly didnt sound like u cared enough while talkin t her she probly had rough day an needed sum1 t tlk 2.

Oliveoil mom.....Ya my tone when I said that "I wasnt expecting you to come over" may have been off, unintentionally. Plus her stress. She is very sensitive to subtlities and has a tendancy to read too much into what ppl are saying.

Johansen.... I think when finals roll around, she gets so stressed that she is not logical...which is probably why her test scores often dont reflect her overall intelegence and knowlege....which adds to more stress...which makes her more illogical, so forth.

Nay...could be she wanted more empathy for being busy.

Thanks all. I think this was just a clusterf**k of a miscommuncation on both sides. Maybe after finals is over she will be more reasonable.

Jojo