What is a relationship?

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Given that what characterizes us is that we have trouble in establishing relationships, what are ties, bonds, friendships made of? Perhaps it's like sayng grapes are sour, but I think that we all overestimate the real content of communication. Many bonds are made of different things mixed in different proportions: sexual attraction, convenience and utility, common interpretations of the world (I would call these ideological endogamy), those instinctual attachments that come from common DNA (oh these are really very very strong and sometimes turn into durable hate!), and that simple fact od reliability. In bonds between "normal" persons the proportions of these elements can be very different, and they account for their duration in time. But still I think that we are such complicate systems of cooperative cells (in biological sense) that what we say and do for others is an extremely tiny bit or our true self. And I believe that even in normal persons their self-expression at its best is only the tip of an iceberg. A person id an iceberg and its tip cannot pretend to control the iceberg.

Relationships....sometimes,I see it as being able to "relate" with someone,sense a commonality feel bound to many people on this board because we share some common sense of "reality".Most people would not think of this forum as a "relationship",though.I am to shy and preoccupied to IM anyone here.
I am unlikely to offer my home as their home.I feel some bond to my blood relatives and adopted family.They have helped me I have helped them...there is a sense of obligation but not always an ability to relate to them.I have no relationship with my co-workers....I dont really care about their lives,only how their lack of work ethic effects me and the clients we serve.But they do have an emotional impact on me...they make me very angry...so they do have some power over me.I care about the DD clients I work with.I am concerned with their quality of life...but I dont relate to them...they live in a world I dont understand and though I wish them no harm....I cant say my life would be less if they were not in it.(as it would be without this forum and my family)My closest relationship is with my boyfriend....I relate to what I know of him as a person,can "forgive" his faults and appreciate his strengths.(I feel the exact same thing about my cats!! !)It is all to confusing to wrap my brain around...

I have heard it described as being on the same wavelength which I think is a good description, because you sort of know how they are thinking to a degree.

Also it's about sharing something, usually a similar experience or something, if you endure a trial or hardship with someone, say a long journey or something, then you always feel that you have that connection through the shared experience, something only those who were there have experienced, like an exclusive club, only those who have been there truly understand. Since live and thus ourselves are made up of and shaped by our experiences, both large and small, the impact this person has, even just by being there is in that way, part of ourselves.

Think of your parents, they were probably a large part of your life for the first 10-20years or so, they shared many pivotal experiences and looked after you etc, so even if you later dont get along all that well, they will always be a big part of your life experience and therefore a large part of who you are as a person.

Not sure if I explain myself all that well, I might have a think and come back later.

Perhaps, when you have experienced the richness of the life, communication is easier and you are more ready to give and protect the others you meet. Having been deprived of affectionate protection, I am incapable in my turn to protect and love and I feel condemned to live in a world of shadows, in an patchwork of dreamlike reality. Moreover when I talk to someone it's like if the one who talks (can I call it me, even if the words coming from my mouth sound extraneous to me?) were a disobeyng ambassador. My real true state is dominated by starkness and anguish that increases with my effort to expose myself. What I would like to say is: "I am drowing, I am starving for love, protection, sympathy", and what I do is only some small talk about politics or literature. Still I think many people, normal people, lie a great deal. They dont say outright falsities, but they boast to seduce, to advance their social status, they make an elaborate "prensentation of self" in view of some practical goal, often power and carisma, if only in small circles of persons.

NT's lie a lot, yes! That's what makes them NT's...

I absolutely agree Mysterious. Long voyages, periods in jail, perhaps even some forced marriages are often the foundation of something undestructible. There is in our culture a stress on free choice, on free floating attractions of romanticism which is misleading. And I think that in tribal life wich still exists in many parts of tha planet there is more communality of feeling than in our impersonal consumeristic cities.

I have been alone all my life, my relationships being founded on practical necessity, formally instituted and regulated roles (teacher-student, colleague, client, patient-medic). As many other people do, I tried often to transform these relationships into friendships. But it was always an illusion to believe that it was possible. It’s like when you chat a little a with a co-passenger in voyage. At the end of the voyage you or the other propose to exchange addresses. And nothing happens after you separate. All my life has been a life of aborted friendships. And I think most of us have had a similar experience. So this might be another frame to analyze the concept of relationship: role relations which we have tried to consolidate in friendships. For a little time the thing has worked, but in the end was bound to fail or collapse, often with leftovers of disillusionment and hostility. As a matter of fact we should always take into account the fragility of our human bonds (with some animals this may happens much less, and may be the reason for which we may become attached so much to an animal; the only problem with animals being that we are always the protectors, the alphas).

Wow, that's a large vocabulary you have there, paolo! Sometimes I wish I could do that.For a lighter spin on things (and also because I want to lighten up your day), take this little sample from The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the movie):

"The Encyclopedia Galactica, in it's chapter on love, states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the sunject of love: Avoid, if at all possible."

Oh, and I apologise if this has kind of 'thrown you out of the moment'. I only mean well.

I spent all my life to try to understand what sociality and community could be for the precise reason that I felt I was a stranger everywhere, that I dint belong to any community, least of all to my family.

Ah well. I'm only 16, have AS as well, and I've got no idea what's going to be thrown my way. Will New Zealand be invaded by Australia? Unlikely, but who knows? One time I tried to come up with a logical meaning of life and wound up with this conclusion: The meaning of life is to enjoy it. If your not enjoying life, your not truly living. Find something you enjoy doing (that doesn't hurt people, of course) and stick with it. For me, that would be drawing, being creative and helping people out.

I too know what it's like to know everything on one topic. I used to talk to no end to my friends about anything to do with Playstation games, and they probably didn't have the slightest clue what I was talking about. Recently, a friend stated that my choice of words was strange (and not in the alienated way, more in the true friend kind of way). I asked for an example, and he replied that if I said 'bringing the poster to school would be illogical because it was so large' he would've said 'I couldn't be bothered bringing it'. We're still friends, though, and we accept each other's differences. I only wish others were as lucky as I am. I mean really, nearly everyone around here has had a verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive childhood whereas I haven't had anything of the sort. Must be a New Zealand thing.

Back on topic, I haven't really paid any attention at all to love, and have set no real goals on the subject just because I wasn't interested. I don't think there's one girl at school that's made me go 'Hot Damn! I like her!'. So yeah, I haven't had to deal with this problem... yet.

I have no idea either, but conversations tend to switch subjects without you noticing, and then you look back for one second and go "Hey, that's not what we were talking about!". Maybe it does have a connection with it, somehow. With your theory that the world will end, a theory I'm coming up with on the spot right now is this: There's a large portion of planets in the Universe. A select few of them are able to hold life, and eventually intelligent life-forms, such as us. When things go out of hand, as they most often do, the star the planet orbits will get a 'notification' of some sort and then expand into a Supernova (our Sun can't stay like this forever, you know). There are a few holes in this I think, but it's a start.

Ironically enough, in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a character stateds this: "I reckon the chances of finding out what's really out there are sooo absurdly remote that the best thing to do is to hang the sense of it and keep yourself busy."

What that leads to is why exist if you're going to die anyway? Well, I'll fall back to my answer on the meaning of life. The meaning of life is to enjoy it, and if you haven't enjoyed it, you haven't lived. Sadly, this can lead to an sense of unsatisfaction in some people, and I have a feeling that might apply to you. As always, I have good intentions, so bear that in mind. For many, many people, love can be a benificial factor into enjoying life, and without it, it's difficult to find an alternative, although it is possible. If you don't fit in where you are, then your place could be somewhere esle. If that somewhere doesn't exist, then the next best thing you can do is make that place yourself. Once again, I'm falling short of ideas, theories and opinions, so I'll stop here. You sound like a person who's experinced the turmoils of life and have a lot of info to give to people, if only they would listen. Well, I'm listening to you right now.

Wow, I'm feeling like a wise old man right now.

Well since NTs seem to be the supreme authority of relationships , lets take a look a their definition:

a system upon which a woman uses a **NT** man for his money, and in turn the **NT** man uses her for p****. Aspies males aren't included.

I had a bit of a think about it, and I've altered my answer to the meaning of life slightly.

The Meaning of Life is to enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, you're not living. However, it's never too late to start.

^How's that?

Got me thinking. What if some supernatural people (either aliens or angels, take your pick) came along and said that those who didn't sucome to greed and desire (aka relationship for sex) were allowed to escape the Earth's Destruction, which was in ten minutes? I'd be all like "NOOO!! ! I don't want to leave my friends behind!! ! I'd rather die myself!! !"