The L-word freaks me out!

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Maybe it's a male trait I don't know, but I really hate having to say "I love you". They three words together usually just make me cringe. I can and do say it sometimes especially to family I actually do love and have feelings for (non-intimate feelings). I've had one girlfriend that I can honestly say that I was in love with and my feelings for her made it comfortable for me to say. But usually with other past girlfriend's, it was really just something I said because I knew they wanted to hear it. Or because they were continually throwing the L-word out there and I got sick of the awkward "I know" or "thanks" reply

I think it was always so uncomfortable because 1. I fell that by saying it back you are welcoming a whole new level of emotional investments that I wouldn't want. and 2. Usually it would just be an outright lie.

But anyways in the last couple of nights 2 people that I never would had expected, have said it to me. One was a good friends mom that I know somewhat. Well said "I love you sunshine, we all really miss you" I said "I know, I miss you guys too. Hopefully we can have another packer party soon" and tried to change the subject to make it sound like I didn't hear that part. Later on while saying good-byes she said it again and I just said "good bye and much-love". As that felt like it was a lot less intimate sounding. Shes probably not saying it in a weird way but I can't help but to be very suspicious of her intentions.

This ones a little trickier. This girl I've known for a little while posted a comment on my facebook wall. It said: "I love you Josh, lets go visit Sara!! ! I was thinking about you a couple of nights ago." I really liked this girl alot and still have feelings for her. We flirted a lot but I couldn't tell if it was friendly or seductive. I chickened out telling her how I feel so nothing ever ended up happening. After I moved she pretty much stopped talking to me not in a mean way just didn't try to contact me at all. So this was pretty random. It doesn't help she never said what made her think about me. Generally I would take that as a hint but I just don't know. I just don't know how to respond to this one.

P.S. There's been a lot of mixed messages too. One second I swear she's hitting on me and the next second I'm convinced that's just her having fun and everything. It really threw me off when we were talking about past relationships and what we were looking currently in a partner. She kind of sounded like she was pretty hung up her ex but I wasn't sure I probably sounded the same way.

Please help me I definitely need some help with this one.

Please? I don't know what to say and I'm getting really antzy because I really do like her and it's been 2days now so I have to say something soon so she doesn't think I don't wana talk to her. What would you do?

Are you both looking for the same in a partner? Do you have feelings toward her so strong that you love her? Sorry, these are questions that only you can answer. If yes to both, you know what to do.

p.s. you are probably much smarter regarding romantic relationships than the majority of people here, including me.

Say what you mean. If if feels wrong it is and anyone pressuring you is a pawn in a sham reality.

I am very, very shy when it comes to myself. I may appear to be extroverted but when it comes to love I know nothing. I am currently asexual but I know I will never get myself to say I love you. Ever.

I've said ''I love you'' before to a man I fancy.

LOVE is a very powerful word that should never be taken lightly IMHO.

I refuse to use the word until I am either CERTAIN the person I'm saying it to understands exactly what I mean by it, or until I'm ready to EXPLAIN exactly what I mean by it. It doesn't matter if they say it first or I do. I won't repeat it back until I know what THEY mean by it.

It's far too easy for misunderstandings to come out of using the word love. There are different kinds of love, and I want to be sure I know what kind of love is meant by others before responding, and sure they understand what kind of love I mean before they do.

If what they mean and what I mean don't match, I won't say it. Period. I won't allow others to be mislead by what I say to them, nor will I allow myself to be mislead.

If there is no mutual understanding, I will not use the term. It is not worth the hassles that can come from misunderstanding it.

The thing about saying "I Love You" is that I feel like if I say I love a person, I shouldn't have to repeat myself. They should know I love them. Now what I don't get are when two people repeatedly say they love each other, but then if the couple have an argument one of them says, "do you love me?". It's not as if they have to re-confirm their commitment to each other every 12 hours.

One question that may should be asked here is 'how much power do you give to (certain) words?' Words, really, are contextual and are 'supposed' to mean what we intend them to mean. Sometimes (maybe more like 'often', in the case of an Aspie speaking to an NT), a statement one makes will be misperceived...thereby necessitating further explanation. 'Filling in' the gaps of someone else's misunderstanding/inadequate understanding isn't always the 'end of the world' and, in some people's opinions, not as negative a thing as having missed a chance of verbally demonstrating an emotionality (even if it's a 'repeat performance') -- such as love.

There are many different types of "I love you" out there.

I love you said to a romantic partner. Obvious romantic love

I love you said to a family member. Obvious familial love

I love you said to a friend. Obvious platonic love

I love you said to any one of the above, an acquaintance, or a total stranger. Means "I love what you just did or said and I either agree or find it very amusing". This one requires a different tone or inflection.

I love you said to someone you can't stand. "I hate you" Requires a certain tone and facial expression.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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