Who people feel sorry for

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Am I the only one who has the odd feeling that people feel more sorry for the people that PUT UP with another's autism (or any disorder) than they do for the person afflicted?

I hate that feeling.

I doubt it. But I feel sorry for those that have to put up with me. I know it's not easy.

I do feel sorry for my mum for having to put up with me. She can't work full-time because of the amount of stress I cause her, and she's been on and off Prozac since the day I was diagnosed with this s**t.

And I'm angry at no-one else but myself. I hit myself only, not anyone else. It's not other people's fault. It's not any object's fault. It's just my fault. It's my brain's fault for being wired that way (which was why I hit my head). When I'm angry, I always think that hitting my head might make my brain feel guilty for being wired like it is and so might rearrange itself into an NT brain, but I know that won't ever happen.

Yes, I have that feeling too. I've also noticed that more people seem to be concerned with how they can put up with an autistic person in their life (family member, classmate, neighbour or whatever) or get support for having to do that than people are about how autistic people can function or be accepted and supported in society. People seem find it bothersome to have to put up with one autistic person and don't even think about what it's like for that autistic person to have to put up with all the neurotypicals in their life.

I do realize that it can be difficult to deal with people on the autism spectrum sometimes, but I feel like many people focus so much on that that they forget to take into account what it's like to be the other party, the one who is always the different one in a society that makes little sense to them.

It's splashed all over the media. No empathy for the child just the parent. For any child autistic or not, if that parent acted that way and treated the child like that, it would hurt the child and possibly stunt the child.

The media are breeding these victimized sympathy attention craving parents giving the ideas that it's okay to not like your autistic child and exploit them for your own want of a pity party.

Yes, raising an autistic child is hard but the autistic child needs love and if you're too selfish to give love to your child and act like a grieving widow then your child will not trust you.

Yeah. Most people are normal (or identify as normal) and identify with others who are normal. They rarely identify with the officially or unofficially designated freak. So, the autistic kid/adult isn't going to be the center of their concern/empathy/sympathy.

I think some people just view us as not being aware enough to feel the negative effects of the disorder. Many people are misinformed about autism/AS.

When I think about how much my parents have had to pay for my various treatments over the years, I want to cry sometimes. I don't. Instead I bang my head against a wall, on the table, in a pillow when nobody is looking. I have realized that nothing I can do will ever be enough to repay my parents for putting up with... a defect.

As an adult diagnosed autistic at an early age, I feel far more sorry for my parents than I ever do for myself.

The statistics on what happens in families with a handicapped child as far as divorce, psychiatric treatments, and other problems are alarming.

My parents worked hard to give me as good a life as was possible, and I am very grateful to them.

I feel ... something like sorrow for the estimated 800,000 or so people who will turn 22 in the next year, and thus fall out of eligibility for the state-sponsored programs that support them.

But there is little I can do for them. I have enough to deal with in my own family.

That makes it worse, all around.

I'm a ray of sunshine to deal with.

TheSunAlsoRises

On the other hand, people do send me a lot of links on Steve Jobs. LoL.

If i had forged a successful career especially early in life, it's possible i would have been similar to him.

I have come to grips, i do have and display some of his qualities when angered.

I think having to deal with women and children all my life tamed that aspect of me to a great degree.

But, it's there lurking.........

TheSunAlsoRises

You repay them by trying to be what they want you to be, a happy, loving person. Try to be a little demonstrative letting them know that you love them back -- we on the spectrum are bad about that. I think my relationship with my daughter (in her thirties now) has been permanently damaged because I didn't tell her enough while she was growing up that I love her and I'm proud of her. I do, and I am, she objectively a very exceptional woman. But I try to tell her now, and she doesn't believe me.

My own parents didn't have a problem with me as a child, and we didn't know that there was anything wrong. I did become a problem as an adult, but probably less so than most young adult hippies (yuup, that was when I was)

well i think people who put up with me deserve a metal. oh wait, never mind , one can put up with me. that is why my wife is leaving my sorry but . it may not be my fault that i am the way i am but i desrve my misery cause i was born this way. my wife thought i was normal and so did i. i can't blame her for not being able to cope with it. i am physically not healthy< born with a noncontagious auto-immune disease that messed up my body and now we find out that my mind is messed up too. i am the one to stupid to live, why should my wife suffer. so sayeth an aspy