Do you get this s*** all the time too?

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''Hey - that person just snatched the book I was reading out of my hands!''
''Well maybe you were hogging it, Joe90''

''Hey - Joe90 just snatched the book I was reading out of my hands!''
''Joe90 - that was rude of you! You should always wait until people are finished, no matter how long they're taking!''
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''My friend just text me a text saying ''I don't want to be friends any more''. What gives?''
''Maybe you were being too clingy, Joe90''

''Joe90 just sent me a text saying ''I don't want to be friends any more''. What gives?''
''Joe90 - you don't just switch friendships on and off like that. Yes I know maybe he was being too clingy but you still don't send text messages like that out of the blue. It could hurt someone's feelings.''
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''Go away - we wasn't speaking to you!''
''Joe90 - you got to learn to let other people join in, and even if you don't like it you don't respond like that!''

''Go away, Joe90 - we wasn't speaking to you!''
''Joe90, you should learn not to keep looking over people's shoulders, it is socially inappropriate!''
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''That person just glared at me!''
''Well maybe they're just having a bad day or something, Joe90. You need to learn that other people have problems too''

''That person just glared at me!''
''Joe90! I know you're having a bad day today but the first thing you must learn is to not take it out on other people by glaring at them and expecting them to guess why!''
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''(LOL) your drink can't have spilt everywhere - it's only over the table!''
''It's just a figure of speech, Joe90!!''
''I was only joking''
''Joe90 you mustn't joke when somebody is frustrated, it's the wrong time.''

''(LOL) your drink can't have spilt everywhere - it's only over the table, Joe90!''
''It was just a figure of speech!''
''I was only joking''
''Joe90, he was only trying to make you feel better.''
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And it goes on and on like that. It's absolutely fine when an NT does it, but if I do it exactly the same tone as NTs typically do, I get in trouble. It's very unfair. Is this what's supposed to happen to all Aspies (or any disabled person for that matter)?

Last edited by Joe90 on 22 Dec 2011, 5:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes. I live in a house filled with double standards, and experienced many many more over the years. I wonder if it has anything to do with perceived social standing, like people think, "Oh, that person should be socially submissive," so they lash out at any action that exceeds that, even though they let others get away with relative murder.

It happens to me all the time.

I got this crap in school. Now I don't anymore.

I'm not really sure if I have experienced this personally, but I am reminded of a theory that I learned about in a class on Deviant Sociology that could help to explain it:

"Labeling theory" is where "social groups create deviance by making the rules whose infraction constitutes deviance," and furthermore, "the dominant group has the power to decide what is deviant and acceptable, and enjoys the power behind the labeling process." Most importantly for this case, "society often employs double standards, with some sectors of society enjoying favouritism. Certain behaviours in one group are seen to be perfectly acceptable, or can be easily overlooked, but in another are seen, by the same audiences, as abominable." (this is from the wikipedia article on deviance, link) You can read more about the theory here: link

The NTs are in the dominant group, and the identified aspie is not, so they call the shots (not literally, fortunately).

Granted, much of labeling theory implies that the person who is labeled as deviant will then self-identify with the label and then actually act more deviant than before (sort of like -- you think I'm bad, so I will be). However, Erving Goffman's idea of the stigma also fits under labeling theory and works here. "On the one hand, a stigmatized person may be told that he is no different from others. On the other hand, he must declare his status as "a resident alien who stands for his group."..."It requires that the stigmatized individual cheerfully and unselfconsciously accept himself as essentially the same as normals, while at the same time he voluntarily withholds himself from those situations in which normals would find it difficult to give lip service to their similar acceptance of him..."" (from the second link above)

Last edited by dancing_penguin on 22 Dec 2011, 5:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

Yes. And I think it is all down to whether people like you or not. Simple as that. People show that their only principle is to stay (or appear to anyway) loyal to those that they either like, or feel they are going to get something from. It happens in the workplace all the time. One rule for those that are in favour, another for those who are not.

Don't take it personally, just think to yourself that these people have no overall standards, just mutable ones that they change as and when required. And they are hard faced in the fact that they don't seem to care if anyone sees their inconsistencies.

That is brilliantly put! I can identify with pretty much all of those in some way! Nice one sharing them like that!

Joe90, you really have to let go of this self-pity before you end up old and alone. You're young enough to change your attitude. They're attacking you because they see you as weak. It's what all animals do. Life isn't fair. It's about power. Get as smart and strong as you can.

Yer but it just seems to have disturbed me lately because whoever I am I get this. If I do things what are the norm, I'm still in the wrong.

All that said above aren't true conversations I've had, but they are just brief explanations of various situations of what have happened to me and the different advice I have received. I explained it like that because I find I explain things clearer when I'm writing them distinct rather than writing a big essay. That way I can get my point across easier.

But even when I ask for advice on internet forums like WP, the response is always, ''well maybe you.......'' and it's like everybody sticks up for NTs all the time, so now I've suddenly started believing that NTs can do no wrong, even though they can be jerks too. Even if an NT pushed me out of the way the reply would still be, ''oh maybe you were standing in his way so the poor darling felt frustrated'', yet if I did that I would probably get arrested.

My parents do this to me all the time. Everyone else has a "worse" situation than me. I just want to tell them to go F*** themselves... oh wait, I usually do!

Joe, what are the genders involved in your examples? Good examples.

No. People were too afraid of me to try and grab things from me, even adults. I was usualy the one grabing things from other kids.

I f**king loathe double standards. So it's all right for other people to do things that would piss a person off, but when we do that same thing in return we're yelled at, unfriended, told off for behaving badly, etc? I swear, I never win in social situations because of rules like that.

Could it be that this happens to you because you don't do it exactly like the "NT"? There's much more to social interaction than just wanting or doing normal things after all.

I get by doing very non-typical things that people don't mind or don't think are weird because I learnt to imitate doing them in a "typical way". I'm so glad this is possible because when I learnt that I'm autistic I was very concerned about that I might be forced to learn to do things I wouldn't want to do!

I grew up trying to do quite a few typical, normal things - but did them in a very atypical autistic way. Naturally, people (often subconsciously noticing that something was different about the way I interacted) reacted completely unlike they reacted to everyone else doing the same thing.

No. It happens because they see her as weak. There is no point trying to 'fit in' by acting like them unless you control the whole hierarchy (which is possible but you would have to see yourself as beautiful and pure, and even then you wouldn't fit in, they'd just be deferent monkeys around you).

I'm sorry that somehow NT society gives the impression it runs on autistic/Jesus morality. I'm not sure how that happened. It doesn't work that way. It runs on power: might is right. Don't be the one misled about this, be the one who understands it and controls their own fate.

For example:



It isn't a double standard. The strong can abuse the weak - or not, if they choose. You define yourself as weak by letting them set the rules. Doesn't it even occur to you that rules don't exist until someone believes in them? You have chosen to lose. It's a free choice that everyone has. Joe90, think about who you want making the rules in your world.

How is it possible to f.... yourself, you need to have a huge and arched penis