Analogy of NT social interaction

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People who play an instrument such as the piano may understand what I'm talking about more.

I'm a good piano-player, and I've just been playing lots of tunes for Christmas just now, and as I was playing, I thought about how automatically my fingers just hit the right keys at the right times, keeping up a good sounding song and not having to think too much about what key to press next (unless I'm learning a new song or is unsure how to play a certain song).

And I was just wondering if this was how NT social interaction feels like (in general). When they're speaking, they automatically know what to say next without having to think or worry too much of what they're saying (I'm just talking about NTs in general here), and the only time they may think more of what to say is when they're meeting a person for the first time or if they're unsure of a person, etc. But even then the skill builds up rapidly, just like it does when I learn a new song on the piano and come aoncifent with playing it fast without requiring too much thinking. Sometimes I can even play some songs with my eyes shut, literally!

Is this roughly a good analogy of what it feels like to have automatic social skills? Just wondering.

It sounds pretty good to me.

I asked my mother about socialization, like how she knows to do the things that she does, and she told me that she just knows without thinking about it at all.

Probably something like that. NT kids have to be taught manners and such. I wish people taught them better. Truthfully, I think the "automatic social skills" thing might just be something like primate instincts.

I think the anology is pretty good. The difference is that in order to become a good piano player, it requires practice. For NTs, beyond basic upbringing, social skills dont really require practice for most. My speech book talked a bit about social skills and it was phrasing it in the way "you might be surprised that socializing is a skill". As in its kinda innate, kinda skilled. Social skills really beyond basic upbringing only need to be built over time if your an awkward NT, poorly raised, or have some disorder that impairs social skills(obviously). Examples: NLD, ASD, and the new one on the dsm 5 SCD.

let me preface this with the fact that i am not autistic, and i do have a few traits in common with asd but for me they line up more with ocpd/ocd. i am usually considered nt around here.

i WISH it was that easy, but that is NOT how interactions are for me. interactions for me are calculated, constantly evaluating, looking for what to say next, trying to gauge the other persons response. i am often awkward, sometimes things come out badly and not how i intend. i have occasionally unintentionally offended coworkers because of tone or chosen words. i constantly monitor my eye contact, always feeling like i am staring too much at other people and having to intentionally look away, and its rarely a natural thing for me. i had no boyfriends growing up, altho a lot of boy friends. the whole ability to tell a guy was interested is completely absent in me, which in my life has led to a lot of uncomfortable situations, both with boys i liked and those who, i only found out later, liked me.

my ability to read people is mixed. i can read my SO like a book, which annoys him greatly. i can tell when hes getting agitated, even before he realizes it. this wasnt always the case tho, it used to be more difficult, before we knew he was autistic and when i expected him to act differently. for people i know really well tho, i can usually read them pretty easily.

does that help much? maybe, maybe not =P i am not a shining example of nt-ness. but there are differences in my social difficulties and those of my SO. i am much more aware of tone and inflection whereas he doesnt hear how he sounds when he talks to people. sometimes things come out wrong for me, and usually i know when it does, but my SO doesnt usually recognize it. he doesnt make eye contact, which i have no problem doing, but i just never naturally know how much is too much or enough.

one thing i do know is that social skills, like many things, rust with non-use. i used to be much more social when i was younger, before life events and then life with autistics happened =) maybe thats just me tho because i never had the best social skills to begin with. for me, distrusting people and living like a hermit degraded what little skills i had.

That's a great analogy, especially for me because I taught myself to play the piano and it came very naturally to me. But social interaction is something else. I have to think really hard about every little thing I say, every expression I am putting on my face, the way I'm standing or using my hands, and so on. If I had to think like that about playing the piano, I never would have been able to play at all.

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