Behaviour question

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Hi everyone. I have a doubt which you may be able to solve. This is the story:

The mother of a child with autism comes home after work and brings a giant ball for him. She brings the ball to her son with a smile and showing excitment but the kid does not show any interest (in her words "he didn't even rise his eyes from the floor") and she is so disapointed that she throws the ball away.

My question is: is it possible that he liked the ball though he didn't show? Or he would have taken it without making eye contact or saying anything?
What I really want to know is if it was wrong to throw the ball away or if he really didn't care.
Sorry if this is a stupid question but we are a bit lost.

Autistic children are often expressionless even about things that they like. Perhaps the boy liked the ball, but didn't express anything. Perhaps the boy didn't have enough time to process the ball, this new thing that had suddenly appeared to disrupt his usual surroundings. Perhaps he just needed a few hours or days or weeks to like the ball. The mother should have given the boy time to adjust. The fact that the boy did not express dislike of the ball is a good sign that the boy could get to like the ball. Expressing dislike is usually a lot faster and easier than expressing like. That was the way it was for me. My mother said that she could not tell if I liked something, but if I didn't like it, she could tell right away, when I screamed at it or got away from it or had a meltdown when it was imposed on me.

Thank you for your fast reply!
It's been really useful, I didn't even thought he could need a while to decide if he wanted it.
Thank you so much.

Maybe the kid was busy and the mother needs to grow up a little. Sounds like she got upset and threw away the ball because she didn't get a personal rise out of gift giving. Selfish. If she really got the ball for him, then its his and he should be able to encounter it as he pleases, and if he leaves it in his room untouched for even throws it out himself, that is just something she should accept and use as data to come to understand her son's real interests. Also, if it sits in his room untouched that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like it. It might just be something really pleasant to look at and not that fun to do anything with. Then, if it was removed after a while, he might actually ask, "where did my ball go?" and miss it, and thenthe mother might have something to feel good about, that she introduced something to the kid's environment that actually smoothly integrated into his view of the world.

It always takes me time to process anything. If I receive a gift that I have been wanting already my response would be elation. But if it was something I haven't even thought about, I usually don't like it at first but attempt to feign liking it. I usually fail miserably. But when I have time to figure out it's usefulness or it's positive impact on my pleasure, I will go back to the person and thank them like I probably should have to begin with.

I do the same thing with compliments. There have been several times in the past year when I have gotten very nice compliments from many handsome men who I really thought had no interest in me. How inappropriate my response was. I would almost give them a scorning look. As if they were lying to me. Even a bf told me in the morning, when I said I looked terrible, that I still looked great to him. I feel soooo badly that I gave him "the look". Then he said that he must look terrible and I gave him my loving look, because I genuinely believe he is always handsome to me and told him I have never seen him look bad.... After I left, I realized that I had probably insulted him when I responded. I have felt so badly ever since that I feel I somehow have to make up for it or explain it to him. But I realize that he has probably forgotten all about it and it would be useless for me to do anything but change my response IF he ever says it again.

To me the greatest compliment you can give someone is, "You look your best when you are at your worst." This is what he was telling me and now I want to cry because I am so touched, but I can't let him know how much because the time has passed.

It's not like that. She does those things to provoke a reaction in him, like surprise or amazement, and she gets frustrated because she doesn't get him to express things. I don't mean that is right, but she is a very passionate and extrovert person and finds it hard to be quieter.
I told her not to do so because she is gonna make the child anxious. Sometimes she asks him to do something and because he doubts of does it like in a slow way she ends up doing it herself because she gets stressed and worried. She makes ME anxious and I am not even involved in the conversation.



Cinbad, I don't think it is too late to tell him you liked it. I mean, even if he does not remember it you can tell him something like "you may not remember that morning when you told me I was pretty and I gave you a bad look, but I can't stop thinking about your compliment and the more I think about it, the more I like it. Thanks".
I don't think there is a person who wouldn't like that!
My boyfriend often forgets moments that I keep thinking over and over and when I tell him about them he likes it, though he didn't remember them because he didn't thought them to be important.

Cinbad, I don't think it is too late to tell him you liked it. I mean, even if he does not remember it you can tell him something like "you may not remember that morning when you told me I was pretty and I gave you a bad look, but I can't stop thinking about your compliment and the more I think about it, the more I like it. Thanks".
I don't think there is a person who wouldn't like that!
My boyfriend often forgets moments that I keep thinking over and over and when I tell him about them he likes it, though he didn't remember them because he didn't thought them to be important.[/quote]


It was after that he canceled plans we had that day and I haven't heard from him since. I will if I will get the chance but I feel stupid saying it. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever love me for who I am and not for what I can do for them. He was the first person I have ever been brave enough to care about that I didn't have to slave over or support.

On this note: As an aspie who is similar to the little boy. The mother should learn to not expect an immediate response from him. If she surprises him again, place the toy in front of him and go about her business. Chances are very likely he will surprise her by playing with it and enjoying himself. One milestone at a time, she will learn patience from him. her reward will be the smile he gives her. Isn't that enough?

Sounds like the mother created in her head an entire story about an interaction. Couldn't she have waited to find out what actually happened?

Thank you all for your advice. I'm sure my friend will improve with time, sounds like she basically needs a dose of patience.

Cinbad, I'm sorry he reacted like that. But still, why would you feel stupid saying it? It was only a misunderstanding. I mean, those things happen to everybody, no one can possibly know what's on other people's mind all the time.